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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Masturbation woes

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Author Topic: Masturbation woes
Devanie
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Member # 46095

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Okay, so... This is embarrassing for me, and I know no one will be like, "HA HAH! YOU FAIL!"... but all the same, please be nice. I'm trying the best I can!

Before high school I didn't really even know girls COULD masturbate. (I thought it was a boys only club thing, or something.) And before Scarleteen I had no idea HOW to masturbate.

So, for the last four months or so, I've finally been trying it out! And about two months ago(?) I had my first orgasm! And my second one...

And... now I've been out of luck.

I've been trying some finger stimulation stuff and some shower head stuff, and shower head stuff works the best.

But... First off, ever since my second orgasm, it's been harder and harder to get there and I haven't had a third orgasm.

Second off, the only shower head that works for stuff is upstairs, and so is practically everything, so I can't exactly use it whenever I want.

Third off... >.> How do I use a shower head during partner sex when there's no shower to be used for sex purposes? I mean... How do I transfer stuff from masturbation to partner sex?

I know orgasm isn't the key thing, but I can't even manage general good feeling 50% with manual stimulation, plus I have the stamina of a gold fish and can't exactly keep it up for anywhere NEAR long enough.

Gaaaaaaah.

And I feel like an idiot, because masturbation is supposed to be natural and everyone can do it because it's something we've been doing since the womb! I feel like a failure at my own sexuality.

Seriously! I want to use the wonderful stress relieving benefits I can get from a good ol' masturbation session, but... IT'S NO USE if I just get more stressed out from not being able to find stuff that works.

Am I just doomed to fail at masturbating for the rest of my life? Gah.

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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To answer your last question first: you are not doomed to fail. Seriously. [Smile]

As far as sexual arousal and pleasure goes, those things tend to happen most when we are completely relaxed. It sounds like the first two orgasms were complete surprises to you, and happened when you didn't expect them. That means that you were focused on what you were doing, not on what you were aiming to achieve. Since then, you've been trying to work specifically towards a goal, and putting pressure on yourself to "perform". That kind of pressure can be really distracting, and that's often something that can hold us back from climaxing.

So here's my suggestion: stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Don't focus on reaching orgasm. Instead, focus on simply doing what feels good. If it leads to orgasm eventually - great! If it doesn't, then it doesn't. That's not a big deal. Sex - alone or with a partner - isn't a competition.

It also sounds like you've been focusing specifically on your genital area with your masturbation. We cannot give you specific technique advice here, but you'll want to keep in mind that we've got erogenous zones all over our body. Don't limit yourself to one thing - instead, take the time to explore your entire body. Learning lots of different things that work for you, and getting to know your body better, also helps with translating this knowledge to partner sex.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Devanie
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Thanks, Joey! =) Good to know I'm not doomed to failure! I certainly stop being so product focused! Thank you!!!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Devanie, did you want to talk about this part of your question?

quote:
How do I transfer stuff from masturbation to partner sex?

I know orgasm isn't the key thing, but I can't even manage general good feeling 50% with manual stimulation, plus I have the stamina of a gold fish and can't exactly keep it up for anywhere NEAR long enough.

This is a fairly separate question from your others, with some different answers and things to consider.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Devanie
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Sure, I'd love to address that. I wouldn't have asked it if I didn't want to know!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'll be away much of the afternoon, but back tonight, but here are some places to start.

For sure, there are some kinds of masturbation we can very literally bring to partnersex, be it a toy or the way we do something with our hands. Like you've found, there are some we usually can't. [Smile]

But we bring more from masturbation to partnersex than just the literal transfer of an activity. We bring things like a sense of what places we like to be touched and with what kind of pressure, for instance. We can bring a sense of confidence to giving partners information about our bodies, as well as a confidence in knowing we can please ourselves. There's more, but do you get what I mean by things we can bring that aren't literal?

In your case, if you're saying that for you to feel the kind of sensation you want to, you feel like you need something like a showerhead, then you might be someone who benefits from finding a vibrator you can integrate into sex, something plenty of women (and some men, too!) do.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Devanie
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Member # 46095

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I totally understand the "not literal" thing. And now that I think about it, you're right! I'm not gonna go too into depth, but for sure, since I've started understanding what feels good, I've been able to explain what feels good!

And no worries about not being here much this afternoon. I'm just leaving myself, otherwise I'd give a longer reply.

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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