I am currently a cutter trying to recover (been good for a few weeks now ). But I have this problem that I feel is really unnatural snd abnormal. When I think about cutting myself or prepare to cut or are in the act of cutting I get really aroused and idk why. The thought of cutting other people doesn't turn me on (it actually sounds quite horrible to me). And neither does the idea of people cutting me. I feel like a freak. It has always turned me on since I started cutting and even slightly before I started it. Is there anything I can do about this (yes I'm already seeing a psychologist for other issues but I can't tell her about this. It's just too weird and personal). Is anybody else like this? The idea of inflicting pain on myself and also the blood and stuff just turns me on. But other people's pain and other peoplels blood isn't a turn on at all. Is this normal?!?
-------------------- Best Wishes! ~Burn~ Posts: 1 | From: Anywhere but here | Registered: May 2012
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You know, our sexuality being associated with all kinds of things we find pleasant, enjoyable or have any kind of emotional response to isn't unusual. In fact, it tends to be one of the reasons why human sexuality is so diverse, because, of course, we all will have different kinds of things our sexuality becomes linked to.
I would suggest telling your psychologist about this. I get that you think it's super-weird, but it's unlikely she will, and if you're trying to stop cutting, and parts of cutting are becoming part of your sexuality, that's going to be something important for her to know to help you out. heck, it may even be that this could be a help in that. For instance, if fantasizing about this stuff means you can find a way to be in that space and feel good without cutting, maybe with masturbating instead, that's hardly a bad thing!
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 65673 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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