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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Depression/Self Esteem issues

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Author Topic: Depression/Self Esteem issues
Devanie
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Member # 46095

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Eeerrrrrgggg. I'm just racking up the posts, aren't I? I feel like I post about my problems all the time, but I really don't trust many adults that I know in person... And that's KIND OF what the problem is today. )=

So, first off, let me say that I'm feeling better now after a good cry and talking to someone. But, I know the problem is going to come back, because it always does.

My very first post I meantioned my theater teacher commenting on Codependent relationships. And I've fixed all of my unhealthy relationships that I am aware of, even to the point of ending a friendship with someone. So, after thinking about it, I've realized that I have a very unhealthy relationship with my theater teacher.

Mind you, it's not a sexual/romantic or even a friendship relationship. It's so confusing! I don't know how to describe it. Basically it feels like said teacher controls my life. He guilt trips me (and other students) into doing our assignments. He treats me like I'm worthless, and when I was sexually harassed by my scene partner, he REFUSED to let me change scene partners. It was ridiculous and I still got an F on the assignment, even though the councilor told him that I was exempt.

So, basically, last year the stress from this teacher's class drove me into a depression. I very nearly killed myself, and it didn't help that my friend's mom committed suicide around that time, either. I was a total emotional wreck for several weeks, and I literally had to make sure I was never alone for my own safety.

I told the councilor at my school that I was feeling suicidal, annnnnnd... she told my parents. Annnnnnnd... they did absolutely nothing about it. NOTHING. When my little brother was suicidal, they took him to therapists, they put him on medication, they gave him certain privileges... and they didn't even DISCUSS it with me.

Also, due to sexual harassment in middle school and my freshman year in high school, my self esteem is prone to drop into the negative area. I've started feeling confident and beautiful, but every so often, I feel like a hideous creature that no one could love.

Alright, now that we've got all of these given circumstances out of the way...

My theater teacher has been giving me assignment after assignment... and I have no time to do them, as I am in a play after school and in AP classes, and I have voice lessons, and I have to take care of my brothers, and I have SEVEN OTHER CLASSES that are giving me so many assignments I could cry. So, I've been working on things, but I haven't been able to complete ALL of the assignments.

So, in comes the guilt tripping. And the lecture about how I am going to fail at life. (Those aren't his exact words, but it was his meaning) And so those lovely self esteem issues popped up again, and my brain started going thinking that the world would be better without me... And so by the end of the school day, I was convinced that I was a worthless piece of s**t and that I'm polluting the world just by existing.

So I talked with my boyfriend, and he helped me feel a whole heck of a lot better. But I know that the depression is going to come back. But I have no clue what to do.

I know you're supposed to talk to someone about it and seek help, but...

If I talk to my parents, they brush it off.

If I talk to my school councilor, she simply calls my parents and tells them to deal with it.

When I talk about depression with my boyfriend's mom, she gives me a lecture on how it tests your faith and that you must follow the holy spirit.

If I talk to one of my aunts, they just tell my parents and let's just loop back up to the first option.
And I'm not close enough with any other adults to trust them.

So what the heck am I supposed to do?! I know that it's probably not a good idea to simply rely on peer group friends to help me, but it's not like the adults do anything about it! And it's not like I have the means to afford a therapist on my own. (Or the time to go to a therapist at the moment, because I have so much D*MN homework from the stupid theater teacher!)

Also, I'm very bias against my councilor, even if she CAN do more to help. SHE hasn't done anything to make me not trust her, but... some other guidance councilors put my life in danger and put me in a situation where I could have been killed/molested/etc. It was terrifying. And at that point I lost trust in non-relative adults.

Sorry if this is in the wrong part of the forum. And sorry for how long it is.

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
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Member # 37835

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Hi Devanie,

This is outside of our general scope as a sex ed website, BUT I do have a couple more suggestions for people for you to talk with.

First, I'd suggest you reach out to the teacher who is the art department chair to talk about this teacher. Then, you might want to talk to an assistant principal about this teacher's behavior. Encourage someone from the administration to observe the class.

Lastly, though this might sound a bit harsh, you can tell the counselor that since your parents have done nothing to get you treatment for suicidal feelings, really, she should have reported your parents to Child Protective Services. That is legally what she has to do in that situation. Legally speaking whoever you tell about depression/suicidal feelings at a school is responsible for making sure that you get treatment (or for referring you to someone else who can help you get treatment).

Even if you really enjoy theater, I'd suggest avoiding theater classes in the future if they'd be taken with this teacher.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Devanie
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Member # 46095

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Thanks for the advice. I'm afraid I was a little too harsh on my parents last night, I was pretty upset, and I wasn't thinking clearly. They have done stuff, I was just in a fowl mood and a little bitter.

I think I might talk with the administration at my school, but unfortunately I don't think it will do much. Plus, since we're such a small school, the students very well might ostracize me from everyone else. So I'll have to see.

Thank you.

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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