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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Almost totally ambivalent about sex...

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Civil Disobedience
Member # 43689

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As a teenager and young adult I was a wild partier. I drank, did drugs, and had (protected) sex with many partners. After I broke up with my last ex, I didn't so much as hold hands with anyone for over 6 years. My fantasy life remained vivid and active as always, but there was no carrying through - I poured most of my creative and sexual energy into writing instead.

Now I have a new boyfriend. He's quiet, intelligent, polite, and has a delightful sense of humour. Psychologically I'm a very sexual person, so the topic was there from almost the beginning and our having sex came quite naturally.

Our sex life is quite "kinky," and we often go on shopping trips or have items custom-made. I enjoy the shopping, and the material objects, and the ambiance of my bedroom while we're getting it on. But the actual sex itself is really boring to me, including things I used to love. I'm completely attracted to him, and I do get off with some difficulty, but it's mostly focusing on getting him off and then letting him get me off and getting it over with so we can get back to the ambiance part. It's like I'm stuck in some sort of narcissist mental tailspin where after all these years my fantasy life is the only thing that actually interests me. I also keep getting the feeling that I've "moved past" sex, just like there's a bottle of expensive vodka in the freezer that's been in there, untouched, for 4 months.

Is it unethical to continue to have sex with him and further our relationship? Would it be better to just say that I'm bored, knowing that there isn't anything that would make me less bored? Or is it OK to continue like this since I'm generally happy? (Happy in the major affective disorder way that is - I doubt I'd know real happiness if it hauled off and bit me.)

Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana.

Posts: 1 | From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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