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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Thoughts I Shouldn't Have

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Author Topic: Thoughts I Shouldn't Have
Member # 45883

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Im sorry if this is in the wrong section but I didnt really know where to post it. It might also be too long, due to me trying to explain it all.

For a few weeks now Ive been having some disturbing thoughts. Like Ill be driving and ill begin thinking that instead of taking this curve i could just go straight into that pond or into that tree or off that little cliff and never wake up. Or Ill have a kitchen knife making dinner and Ill be thinking of how easy it would be to just slice deep enough to where i would pass out soon and not wake up. Or Ill see a bottle of pain pills or sleeping pills and think that i could just take a bunch and then everything would be gone.

But then Ill realize tht im having suicidal thoughts and snap out of it. Its like for a few minutes, Im not really in my brain, its not me. I dont see myself as depressed and I dont want to hurt myself. Its just really weird that im having these thoughts because its not me at all. As soon as i realize what im imagining im like whoa okay wow i shouldnt think that.

But what is also disturbing is that im not scared, upset, mad, or sad during any of these thoughts. I dont feel depressed. I do have a higher level of stress right now than normal due to school and parents and getting out of a not so wonderful relationship, but im not really that unhappy. I feel like the same person Ive always been. And these thoughts, theyre all just very matter of fact and blunt and uncaring in my head. Almost with no emotion.

But I like my life and I have no interest in giving it up at all. Like i said, its as if when I have these thoughts its not even me. At first I was just ignoring them and writing it off as just random emotions and didnt really dwell on it but now they are getting more frequent. I dont know why im thinking these things or whats causing it. This doesnt really scare me since I always snap out of it, Im just confused as to the reason for them.

If anyone has any explanations as to what might cause me to have these thoughts even though i am not particularly unhappy, i would love to hear your insight. Thank you.

Posts: 18 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Honestly, it's not that this is the wrong section, it's simply that suicidal thoughts and deep depression (which I think it's clear you're having, even though you say you don't "feel" depressed) are outside our scope as a sex education site, and we are not equipped to help someone in this situation via this service.

It's also very important for people's safety (and also our liability) that we refer people out to a service or care provider who CAN help in these situations. Since in your other post you have also described being in an emotionally abusive relationship, that adds to my level of concern.

So, do you have a healthcare provider or mental care provider you can contact about this? If not, can we get you some hotlines or help you find an in-person care provider?

[ 03-02-2010, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45735

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from someone who has experienced something similar, let me just let you know that it does not always have to be this way.

Try seeing a therapist or counselor, it will really help!!

If you really want to know whats causing this, a therapist would be the most qualified person to tell you.

I know this might feel strange or confusing, but you can get help and find a solution.

Posts: 92 | From: las vegas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 41901

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Hi there,

Although I don't know your history, and suicidal thoughts are something that should be taken very seriously, I just thought I'd put it out there that what you're describing doesn't necessarily mean you are depressed/suicidal. I have exactly the same intrusive thoughts pop into my head, almost like vivid images that I can't control. But I am not at all suicidal or depressed -- for me, it's simply a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder. The "obsessive" part of OCD can include unwanted and disturbing thoughts, including ones about harming yourself.

I can't say if this is the case with you, but OCD is another possibility I thought was worth mentioning. Either way, you should definitely see a mental health professional.

God prays to Super-God
In fear that He may smite Him
Who prays to Super-Super-God
And so ad infinitum

Posts: 4 | From: US | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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