Has anyone read the book flowers for algernon? You know how Charlie feels after his smartness goes away.. he feels like his mind is deteriorating..
That's how i feel. only.. It's real.
It started out in 11th grade.. (im in 1st year of college right now) as little things.. like.. occasionally forgetting how to spell a simple word. (Like 'where') I'd think and think and i'm like.. "Were? no... Wear? no.. ware?? noo.." but then eventually figure it out. Nothing to worry about.. not yet anyway. Everyone has "brain farts"
But it got worse.. and now it's bad. And I'm afraid it's going to get even worse.. and I dont want to be stupid.
I'm an extremely intelligent person.. er.. at least.. i /WAS/ and I feel like im getting stupider every day. A lot of times now I'll forget what I'm doing.. In the middle of it. I'll be in math class and Class ends and im like "what did we do this entire time??" and When i take showers.. and I'll be in there. and think.. "did i shampoo my hair yet.. or not?" I COMPLETELY do not remember! So i just do it again.. to be safe.. Greasy hair = not fun.
And when I'm in the kitchen area.. and I'll turn off the light.. then ask who did it.. and my dad and brother tell me.. it was me.. And i dont remember turning it off at all!!!!!! And I know they arent joking.. they wouldnt for something like that.
When my dad used to tell me to do laundry.. id remember it.. Now i'm lucky if i hear it the first time he says it. And he gets mad if i dont do it.. But if i dont remember him saying it in the first place.. then I feel just horrible..
and I dont know what it could be.. The past year... I've been incredibly interested in psychology. I go to garage sales to buy college psychology books.. so i can /LEARN/ I want to know whats wrong with me..
But this memory problem isnt my only problem.. There's a lot more.. including but not limited to.. OCDs, Anxiety problems, paranoia problems, lots of physical problems, unofficially 'diagnosed' with being bipolar, social problems, and soooooo much more..
But this particular post is just about the memory thing.. :3 but if all these things are linked somehow, then go for it!
Someone told me this addional info would be helpfull.
Its a long story. Very. Very. Very. long.
To put it short.. i havent been to a doctor of any sort since i was 3.. except once when i got sunburnt.. and of course my psychiatrst a few years ago.
my dads retarded and so is our insurance.. so i cant GO to one.. and no theres no free clinics.. so dont even bother mentioning em :3
I know offhand there are a BUTTLOAD of physical things wrong with me.. and mental.. ive written a 5 page thing writing them all down.. and speculating on what i think i may have.. I have to be my own doctor.. becase noone else is.. and obviously i dont get treated. but it's nice to know anyway.
do/did drugs? No, never. no alcohol either any head trauma- not that i know of. are you overweight? Yes... any sleep apnea? no hypoglycemia? no idea.. probably not. any traumatic events in the past? Well my mom died mid 2005 but thats not that traumatic for me..
also-- Ive never really been seriously injured physically at all.. ever.. except once i broke my leg.. once i got sunburned SUPER bad.. and another time i poured boiling water all over myself.. so.. no head trauma or anything of that sort..
as far as emotional trauma.. -- oh a buttload >:3 but im totally used to that now. _________________
Thanks so much guys (I just hope i can remember i posted this post so i can come see replies, LOL! *bookmarks*)
You say you're a college student - can you get insurance through your school? Or do they have some sort of medical center? And what about counseling through your school - they could help get you a referral to a low-cost/sliding-scale therapist.
Honestly, our resources and knowledge here are limited somewhat - we speciailize in sexual health and education, and a lot of what you're asking about is not only beyond the volunteers' and members' bank of kwnoledge, but also beyond anything we could do to help you actually diagnose and help overcome these problems you're having.
Memory loss is not something you can be self-treating for, either, and could be a big sign that there could be something wrong that you need to get looked at and treated; additionally, the majority of emotional/mental disorders such as OCD, manic depression and anxiety will only get WORSE if you don't find proper help to overcome them, not better (especially if you think you may have undiagnosed bipolar disorder - manic depression can get very serious if not properly treated, whether through therapy or medication - this hits close to home as both a cousin and a close friend of mine have had serious problems with their manic depression).
So, do you understand the difficulty you're going to run into here if you absolutely refuse or deny any suggestion to see a trained doctor? There really isn't anything we can do for you beside stressing finding a doctor or counselor (and there ARE low-cost clinics out there, if you need help finding one in your area let us know and we'll do our best!), and if you're not willing to accept that suggestion and make an effort to work with us or your school to find some sort of resource there, there's really no reason to be posting here. I don't mean to be rude or too blunt, but it's really difficult for us to help users who are adamant about not being able to get real medical help, okay?
-------------------- Jean aka dailicious Scarleteen Volunteer Love us? Want to keep us in your lives and hearts? Give what you can! Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005
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