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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » Height differences

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Author Topic: Height differences
Marquis_de_Carabas
Neophyte
Member # 28410

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[ 05-09-2006, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Avaggdu ]

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How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.

Posts: 28 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I don't know if it'll help him at all to point this out, but...

...as someone who all my life has dated both men and women, I have never -- personally -- been able to make any sense of height issues per how a couple is percieved at all, largely because when you're queer, it's a total nonissue.

In other words, any sort of problaem with male/female height in a couple -- be it yours (save physical comfort matters) or outsiders -- is totally heterosexist. And per the idea that men should be taller and women shorter, and usually, as well, women thinner than their male partners, just plain sexist, period, supporting silly, hopefully-on-the-way-out ideas that men need to look as if they could dominate their female partners or physically protect them.

So, I don't know if bringing that stuff to the table will help or not, especially considering it sounds like he has some pretty serious esteem issues overall, but it might be at least worth mentioning.

(And aside of that, this just isn't one I can help a lot with since, as stated, I just don't get this sort of thing, and even when with opposite-sex partners, tend to attract people who also object to these sorts of sexist norms. Plus, I'm seriously shrimpy, so very few of my own partners of any gender have ever been shorter than me, though the one time it did happen was with a man. [Smile] )

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likewhoa19
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I know this is a bit cliché, so you may have done something similar already. But have you tried something along the lines of "I realize I'm taller than you and that this doesn't conform to some sort of stupid societal ideal, but I LIKE you just the way you are and if you also could be confident in who you are that would be even sexier.''
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Marquis_de_Carabas
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Member # 28410

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Thanks for both replies. [Smile]
likewoa19, yea, i had told him that (praphrased it a bit tho) then a month or so ago him and i were on this residential trip and this girl (who i dont like anyway) asked if the "massive height difference bothered us" and he got all down about it. It's always other people and thier opinions, especially if its girls that are saying the things.
The thing is that when i try and talk to him about it, he seems to think i wont understand because im tall, but i think that means i do understand, because im at the other end of the scale; instead of a boy who's "supposed" not to be short, im the girl who's "supposed" not to be tall. It's always been more of an invisible issue between us, but recently its just loomed up over everything else.
I dont know, do you think there's more pressure on boys to be tall than girls to be short?

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How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.

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likewhoa19
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I don't know. I'm a girl that's tall (5ft 10.5in) and I can't say I've felt a lot of direct pressure from peers. However, I certainly have gotten the feeling it doesn't make me attractive, because when I get asked out its usually by older guys or guys my age who seem particularly awkward. So it makes me paranoid I am not ''cute'' and ''feminine'' enough for your average guy my own age (of course, my vocalness could contribute to this persona too). I also have known multiple markedly short guys who were confident, popular, and successful -they carried themselves with style. So I think it's difficult to do direct comparisons of what it's like to not fulfill your stereotype as a male vs. not fulfill your stereotype as a female, I think the important point to keep in mind is that height in either case is really not a definitive characteristic that should bar you from achieving things you want (except going into the army maybe -uck)
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Marquis_de_Carabas
Neophyte
Member # 28410

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That's true..I've often found that I cant exactly tick the boxes for the "cute" and "petite" either, but one of the biggest problem is finding jeans that arent ankle-swingers. *eye roll* feel a bit more cheerful today, he's coming round and i'll try talking to him about it again..see how it goes.
gah, height stereotypes. It's like this throwback from the time when men were expected to go mud-wrestle mammoths and kill things. Rather have a guy who can string an intelligent sentance together and has a great personality. [Smile]

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How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.

Posts: 28 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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