Eating is something we can very easily control. So, it's not too surprising that some folks use eating -- or a lack of it -- to try and quell feelings we can't control, like our insecurities.
But it doesn't work, the same way putting an infected band-aid on a wound thaat needs stittches isn't going to work. You're just going to end up feeling ever-so-slightly better sometimes from the disordered eaating, but create more problems -- physical and emotional -- to deal with later or sooner on top of the existing ones.
It does clearly sound like you've got troubles with disordered eating, but it also sounds like you can nip that in the bud pretty easily because you know it's foolish and worse for you, and if you look at yourself aand the numbers, you likely also know you don't need to worry about weight loss or what you're eating. You may even know that what your body looks like, per pound, isn't going to have boo to do with your real esteem.
Odd as it sounds, eating disorders are really a luxury. In other words, most people in the world can't afford to have them, both because they just can't afford to be that self-absorbed (not a criticism, just a statement of fact) and they have a hard enough time being able to eat enough to sustain themselves as it is. So, it can be helpful to put yourself in enviornments where you just can't obsess on yourself or your body, like good volunteer jobs -- also a nice self-esteem boost, since they help you focus on the great things you can do, not what you can't. get out with friends, work at sommething you excel at or want to. In a word, get involved in things that aren't about your body or food or just you.
If that still isn't helping, support groups and counseling can also be of great value.
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen
My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson