I have this friend who I really like and have been wanting to ask out for a while, but she has a boyfriend... Earlier, I asked her how she was doing and she said that she was doing bad because her boyfriend is mean, and he threatened to commit suicide if she dumped him... I'm afraid to give her advice however, since I will probably tell her to dump him so I can go out with her, so that's why I came here. Thanks, guys 'n' gals.
In what way is her boyfriend mean to her? Physically or emotionally abusing her? Too controlling? Or is he just a jerk every once in a while?
If her boyfriend really says that to her, both of them should be talking to someone. He's most likely using it as an excuse not to be alone and to feel he has total control over the situation. He may use it later for worse things (if you don't have sex with me, I'll kill myself). Or maybe he is serious. You never know. Either way, try to get her and her boyfriend to talk to a counselor or a parent.
As far your participation, your non-platonic feelings for her may get in the way of good advice. Get get to talk to someone else, instead of you in the mean time.
I agree, her boyfriend needs help. He could be a potential threat to himself or other people. If he says that, then it's especially hard to tell if he's serious or not. Tell the girl to tell other people, so he can get counseling or something. If she really doesn't want to be in the relationship and he really is mean to her, then she shouldn't have to stay with him. If she wants to discontinue the relationship, tell her to let him down easy and to be as nice as possible about it.
Tell her that it is her decision to break up with him though, don't urge her to just because you like her. If she does break up with him, make your move. Don't come on too strong or anything, but let her know that you like her. Good luck.
Thats bad. He does need help. I know somebody like that, and he threated to kill her if she ever thought about leaving him.
Everyones right, you cant just say break up with him to benift you. I think that she has to talk to him about how she feels, he has to respect her. Its terrible to be in a situation like this. She doesnt deserve that.
Personally I dont think you should say you like her right now, it might make her feel like shes in a really bad situation. Right now I say just be there for her and talk to her. Maybe when things cool down you can bring it up. I think just being there for her now is the best solution. Good luck, hun.
------------------ *~*~12/3/99*~* *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)
Well now that she's out of the relationship it's time for you to....
be her friend!
After you've been in a relationship, especially if it was lengthy and serious, it takes time to get over it. And especially since that last relationship didn't sound too plesant, she's probably going to be wary of hooking up right away. So I'd say that your best bet is probably going to be to be her friend and support her as much as possible while she's dealing with all this. Hang out with her...go to a movie, go out to eat, or just sit around and talk...do all that good "date stuff", except make sure she understands that you don't expect anything from her. And when she's ready to see someone again, hopefully you'll be standing right there in front of her nose!
------------------ "Reality is nothing but a collective hunch." ~Lily Tomlin
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