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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Bodies » true love waits??

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Author Topic: true love waits??
Lina79
Neophyte
Member # 2276

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For the past year I have been going to church faithfully twice a week, youth group twice a week, and youth rallies as often as possible. I have become much closer top God, and I believe true love waits until marriage. I have made the personal decision to be sexually abstinent. I've told my close friends this many times, and althouth they don't give me beef about it, they don't seem to take me seriously. Has anyone ever had this prob, and if so how did you deal??

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*Lina79*


Posts: 12 | From: St. John's, NF, Canada | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
phsygnosis
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The only thing I can say is feel the way you want to feel. Don't let what other people say bother you. It's you'r dicision to be close to god and that is a very good dicision. I have been wanting to do it for years and havn't been able to. If they don't take you seriously then that is up to them. God takes you seriously. So, that should be enough for you.

-Phsygnosis


Posts: 88 | From: Canton, Ohio, USA | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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i concur. it is your decision, not theirs to judge. but with that goes the fact that you may need to rely on your own faith and resilience to support yourself in this decision because the peer pressure may be heavy later on down the road. more power to you on your quest.

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Inspected by Number 26


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Hanne
Sexpert
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I think that there are a lot of very good reasons not to have partnered sex, or to limit the kinds of sexual activity you might engage in. People can choose to be celibate (not having partnered sex) or to limit their sexual activity in a lot of ways at any point in their life. Both Miz Scarlet and I have spent periods of our adult lives celibate for our own reasons, and many people do the same thing. Religious reasons are only one kind of reason that you might want to limit or just not be sexually active for a while.

I think it is a great thing when you can have honest conversations about it with other people, no matter what their own sexuality happens to be like -- but it's sometimes difficult due to people's attitudes about sexuality. Sexual attitudes are often very strong and very irrational in many ways. I find that just saying "I've decided that this is right for me" is the best way to defend a sexuality decision that other people might find odd.

That said, I'm going to do a modest plug here: I'm working on book about virginity, and if any of you young women and grrrls are interested in writing about the subject, please see http://www.hanne.net/anthology for details on the project I'm working on.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


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Lin
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I think it is wonderful that you are getting closer to God.

Well sweetie, don't be too worried or upset about your friends' reactions. Actions speak louder than words. When they see that you are serious about being abstinent, they will come to take you seriously. But if they never do, don't let it bother you. It is YOUR decision. Not theirs.


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Lina79
Neophyte
Member # 2276

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Thanx ppl! Just to clear this up, I'm only going to be abstinent until marriage, not my whole life. I think one of the reasons my friends don't take me seriously is because I'm thirteen, so even if I wasn't commiting myself I still wouldn't be having sex. I think it will dawn on them when they start having sex. Then they will know that my decision's for real!

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*Lina79*


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live4travel
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I just read something about that in the newspaper. About girls and virginity. It said girls that make the decision to stay a virgin until marriage when they are younger are more likely to stay a virgin longer, than a girl that is 18 or older. Well I thought that might help you out a little

The decision of becoming celibate until marriage is a great one. Your pretty awesome for doing that and I wish you god speed. I know it's been hard for me, of course, lately it seems I couldn't get with a girl even if I wanted to, but that's just b/c I'm depressed so ohhhh well Anyways, Your an awesome person, a lot of people will look up to you for making that decision.

Josh

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Want to know more about me? come see my little space in the Village People!
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum23/HTML/000036.html


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crusher165
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yeah, i kinda know how you feel. but i'm not sure if i'm gonna wait. so far i have and i'm 16, so that counts for something... right? for me it's not whether my friends care or not, it's what i feel my commitment to god is. and i'm really not sure about that commitment either... but i do know that i've promised myself not to have sex until i'm 18, because my guys are all illegal otherwise i've never had a guy over 18... but the youngest was 17.
lol
i'm screwy. i respect and admire your desecion though. thanks.

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~i never knew u
but your action effected
my life
in uncomprensible ways
an expanding ripple
u were hurting
so u struck out, angry
so young
so much agression
ruining not only your family's life,
but tramitizing you friends
and destroying your own
u had your whole life before u
a miracle in the making
but who knew what u'd do?
seeing as...
i never knew you


Posts: 36 | From: i'll tell you when i get there! ;b | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hmm987
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I, too, made the decision to remain abstinent when I was about 13. A lot of people haven't really taken me seriously about it over the years either. (i'm 18 now) But over time, the people who got to know me came to realize that God is first in my life and that i'm totally serious about this abstinence-until-marriage issue. I've known so sooo many people who have made the same "promise", be it for God or not, and they've later broken it when they got into serious relationships or when they just got frustrated at being abstinent. That's probably why a lot of people don't take us seriously.. b/c so many others break the promise
Anyway, good luck in keeping your promise to God. You still have many (hopefully) years to go until you're married... and it can be tough, but just remember you're doing it for God, not yourself

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Mophead
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*sniffle*
Let me offer a view from the other end of the spectrum. I am one of the people who has scoffed at people like you.

I guess I'm just really a skeptic, and when someone claims that they're going to remain a "virgin" (whatever that is) until marriage, I sort of find it, well, unbelievable. Not that it's a bad idea, but looking at the statistics, it doesn't seem like retaining "virginity" is very popular.

More power to you if that's what you choose, but I'm just explaining why your friends might feel that way.

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My menstrual diary
Updated as often as my uterus


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Lina79
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Thanx everyone. Just thought that you might find this interesting: at my church we have teen bible study called powerhouse. Since September we have been doing seminars on true love waits, which is actually a world wide organization of Christians who want the youth to wait for true love. Part of this program is the group of youth planning and doing their own mass, and at the end of the mass they each recieve a small silver key charm the "key to your heart" which you give to your husband/wife on your wedding night. Our service is this Sunday night and I can't wait to get my key!I've been praying for it forever and I hope it all goes well. Wish me luck!
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Cute Couple
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Both my girlfriend and I had decided to wait untill marriage untill we had sex. But, it didn't last. We didn't rush into it, it's not like we said "we're going to have sex tonight", it just happened. It was the most special thing we've ever done together. It makes you feel so close to the one you love.

In my opinion, you can't put a time on sex. You can't say you're going to have sex, or not have sex when your < insert age here >. Personally, I think it's much better when it just _happens_. Let nature take it's course. If it feels right with both of you, and it's one of the special moments, I say go for it.

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Mophead
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But plan ahead! Plan AHEAD!!

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My menstrual diary
Updated as often as my uterus


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, I've been trying not to say anything, but I feel like I have to.

Lina, I have a concern. basically, I see some downsides to this. What happens if "ture love" never arrives? What happens if someone gets the idea that there is only one "true lovve" and the person they think it is with ends up to be a creep, or the relationship just doesn't work out at all.

What happens to people who CAN'T get married at all, or to people who don't WANT to get married, or want to be cautious and get to know someone, live with them, what have you before getting married?

What if -- and having had many great loves in my life, and being older, seeing many relationships as they grow, change and fade -- there really ISN'T just one true love?

And heck, what if someone doesn't WANT to have sex on their wedding night?

I'm not trying to shoot you down. My attitude is, if it works for you, great. But I do feel cautious about setting people up for a potential fall, and I am wary of things which just are not inclusive.

I also wonder how someone in your position would feel if they changed their mind, and if when they did, they'd be prepared to have sex responsibly. In short, some aspects of this worry me.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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Daisyluv
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In my case all my friends thought I was saving myself for marriage which isn't the case. I'm saving myself for a guy who I can trust and love enough to share such an experience with. I think I may have found him but I dunno it could take days or months, hell even years before I'm sure about it. Thats one thing I'm gonna make sure about, that I know for sure its time.
And I so congrad those willing to take that speical 'vow' for themselves.

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*~ Daisy ~*
"It's 8am and today I wanna save the world.
.....I'll start from my bed."


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Saki
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There's an interesting article at Salon about the recent study on virginity pledges.

The author raises various troubling points in her article. She argues that "virginity" was not well-defined in the study - should it include oral sex? Fondling? Mutual masturbation?

Furthermore, the author argues that the researchers did not adequately account for sample bias, and that no effort was made to determine if the respondents were telling the truth.

Most disturbingly, the study's authors glossed over the fact that pledgers who do have sex are likely to have unsafe sex. In the words of the study, "That pledgers who have sex are likely to be contraceptively unprepared is to be expected, for it is hard to imagine how one could both pledge to be a virgin until marriage and carry a condom while unmarried."


Don't get me wrong - I think that it is wonderful that you have decided to take charge of your own sexuality. This article might give you some more insight as to why your friends don't take your pledge as seriously as you do.


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Lina79
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Hey people thank you all soo much for your posts. The thing someone said about what is virginity totally depends on the person. We had one session dedicated to this topic. We were given a list just for fun that started with hug, peck, kiss, french kiss, make out, and went on to include mutual masturbation oral sex, etc. The very last thing was intercourse. We were told to drwa the line where we thought was too far. Some people put theirs right after kissing, claiming that a tounge in your mouth feels like a dead fish, while others said flat out that they were going to do absolutely everything but intercourse. Some youth pastors that we've met are married now but didn't even kiss their husband/wife until the honeymoon. Really, virginity is whatever you want it to be!!

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*Lina79*


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Sweetbabygirl77
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I know that i am only 15 which may not seem that young to most people my age, but in terms of having sex it is. I know that alot of my friends already have, and i probably would too if i didn't have my moral and religious reasons not to. I mean there are plenty of reasons to be abstinant anyway, but i know that it's hard to because if you've been with someone for a long time and really care about them, and everyone else you know is doing it and your b/f doesn't see anything wrong w/ it then you begin to question why you do. but all i can say to everyone else who is planning on waiting untill marriage, is that it doesn't get any easier, but just keep telling yourself if you do you can never really go back. If you have any questions email me!
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$uMMeR
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hey Lina79,

though ive had my first kiss already, i too have decided to stay a virgin until marriage...kids in my school think it's hilarious, but i dont really care what they think.

my story is a bit like yours. ive had two bfs, frenched both of them (but haven't slept with one), recently felt like im closer to God more than ever, so decided to remain a virgin...it's not just God that plays into this decision...im also real scared of all those STD's around

well, it's nice to know about some1 like u, lina

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*Read my diary

*Read my page

*And...alwayz :)


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Sheelanagig
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Hey Lina!

First off, I'm glad to hear that you are starting out your adult-sexuality life (by which I mean the sexuality everyone starts exploring at puberty) by thinking through your values and beliefs and how you want your sexuality to be part of all that. If your religion is a big part of your life, your sexuality decisions will be impacted by that -- and that's good, 'cause otherwise you might end up feeling crappy about doing things that don't jive with your personal God relationship (which may also change over time -- I know mine has).

I decided, for reasons having nothing at all to do with religion, that it was important for me to not to have penis-vagina intercourse until I had met some important goals I set for myself and knew I could support myself financially -- which, for me, was when I was 22. That was a good decision for me, and I'm glad I chose to spend my time with friends and partners who supported that decision. So my hope for you is that you too will find supportive people to spend time with, and that you will decide for yourself where your sexual boundaries are and what you want to do with your sexuality. It's a gift and it belongs to you -- you should do as you see fit with it.

However, I hope the adults in your church and the other adults who are supporting your "True Love Waits" campaign are providing y'all with postive, accurate information on sexual health, including STDs, HIV/AIDS, birth control, and "alternative" sexualities (like same-gender sex). Even if YOU decide to wait until marriage, your future husband may not -- and that may mean things like negotiating around a viral STD, or around the different experiences you will both bring to your marriage. I also hope that if you or your firiends discover, later in life, that you are more sexually attracted to people of your same gender, you will not have to go through a lot of mental pain over that fact -- or the fact that same-sex couples can't legally marry, even though their relationships can be just as committed and loving as heterosexual married relationships.

Are adults in you church also speaking with you honestly about how cool masturabtion can be, and how much better your married-life sex may be if you give yourself a chance to learn what you like sexually before you start being sexual with a partner -- especially if your partner has also waited? I personally wish all girls your age were encouraged to learn about what their bodies enjoy by yourself, on your own time, so that you don't have to go around thinking guys are supposed to "initiate'" you into sexual intercourse or "take your virginity", la la la. It's a shared thing, not a submission, and I hope you have the opportunity to learn what you like first so you can tell your parnter (husband, maybe, for you) what makes you feel good.... because sex should be fun.

If the adults in your life are not taking resonsibility to talk with y'all about these things, I'm glad you have places like Scarleteen to look to for support and information. Best to you, and take good care of yourself!


Posts: 8 | From: Chicago, IL, USA | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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