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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENTS & HELPS » Site Help and Service » When we have limits...

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Author Topic: When we have limits...
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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...just a reminder that we REALLY need y'all to respect them.

Please trust that when we say we can't do a thing, we can't do a thing, and with good reason.

And please, instead of trying to push past that limit, or walk over it, or manipulate around it, or pretend we didn't set it at all, please just accept and respect it.

We do it for y'all, please do us the same turn. Thanks.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

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Can I second "We do it for y'all", because often when I set a limit with someone, it's almost always because what's being asked of me is something that feels like it will be unhelpful or even exacerbate a problem and make it worse... which is the main thing that puts it beyond my comfort zone and feels overwhelming for me.

[ 04-20-2013, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bumping because it seems we need to remind everyone about this again.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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And yet again.

Seriously, y'all.

It really stinks to feel bullied at work, and when people don't respect our limits and keep pushing, that's exactly what this feels like.

Please remember is a free, but low-budget and very busy, service. If you're not satisfied with what we offer you here, by all means, seek out what you're looking for elsewhere. But when we say no, or enough, or that we need you to drop something, you need to do it. Just like "no," or "stop," or "I can't do that," or "I don't want to do that," matters a whole lot when it comes to sex, it matters here, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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And once more, with feeling.

When we set a limit with you, PLEASE do not ignore it or try and push past it, or otherwise disrespect it.

Again, we don't do this to any of you -- and if and when we ever do, you should call us out on it immediately -- so we expect you to treat us with the same respect.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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And AGAIN.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Yep, again.

Seriously, I am actually begging some of you, which we should not have to do. [Frown]

When we say no to something, or no more, you all NEED to respect it. This is just basic common courtesy, especially at a free service. But it is, period, you know the drill: no means no.

Please do not make us keep having to repeat this. It is really rough to have many people constantly refusing your no or trying to push or manipulate past your expressed limits, and when we get a lot if that from many people, as keeps being the case, it makes it very, very hard for staff and volunteers to work here comfortably and causes us a lot of burnout.

This should not be this hard| please out some real effort into making it easier by just accepting and respecting our limits. Thanks. We do not want to have to just pull out the banhammer and start throwing it around, but if that turns out to be the only thing that works to get our limits respected, we will.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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