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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » COMMUNITY ANNOUNCEMENTS & HELPS » Site Help and Service » Persistent Pregnancy Scares or Fears?

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Author Topic: Persistent Pregnancy Scares or Fears?
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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If we've given you this link, it's probably because you've come around (probably more than a few times) worried about pregnancy, or because you're still worried even after we've made clear that you have not had a likely risk, or that things like periods and tests have made clear you are not pregnant.

Please read these next steps before leaving another post for us about a scare if we've linked you here.

• Have you already had one or more periods and negative test results? If so, you are not pregnant. Have you NOT engaged in the kinds of sex or sexual contact -- namely, DIRECT genital-to-genital contact and/or direct genital contact with someone's seminal fluids -- where pregnancy can occur? If not, you are not pregnant. In either or both of those cases, we need to abstain from having conversations about risks or pregnancies that simply are not real. We need to focus on reality at Scarleteen.

• Have you not taken a pregnancy test yet? If not, that needs to be your first step before discussing pregnancy worries with us. Pregnancy tests can be purchased at most pharmacies worldwide, and many reproductive or sexual healthcare services also provide them, often for free. A general clinic or physician can also do a pregnancy test.

• Is it too early to take a pregnancy test, or is your period not due yet? If so, you need to wait this out until it is time for one or both of those things. In the meantime, we suggest seeking out emotional support from your partner or friends, if you need it. If a possible pregnancy risk is a result of having a kind of sex you don't feel ready or prepared for, or without adequate contraception or reliable methods, we suggest considering things like that and working to change them in the meantime.

• Have you already taken a pregnancy test, according to the directions, or taken more than one with a negative result? If so, and you remain convinced you are pregnant, your next step needs to be to contact a healthcare provider to see in person before you come back to our services with more concerns about a pregnancy. They can run another test if you like or they feel they should, and they can also work with you, if you are not pregnant, to evaluate you for any anxiety or other mental or emotional health issues you may need help with. If you need help finding that healthcare, we can always help you with that.

• Do you not WANT to take a pregnancy test, but remain worried or convinced you are pregnant? If so, that's your right, but we will not counsel you about a pregnancy scare if you are unwilling to test to determine if you are pregnant or not. However, if there truly is a chance you might be pregnant, we strongly advise you test, because the sooner a person finds out they are, the more options they have available to them. For someone who becomes pregnant who would plan to bring a pregnancy to term, finding out early can make a huge difference in your health and the health of a fetus and infant.

• Has it been suggested by us or someone else that it sounds like your fears are based in a lack of education about how pregnancy happens? If so, have you taken the time to get more of that education, with sound sources we or others suggested? If not, please do that before asking us more about a pregnancy scare. If we have not yet suggested sources yet, feel free to ask us for them.

• Has it been suggested by us or someone else that it sounds like you have an underlying anxiety issue or disorder, or a history where learned or taught shame and fear about sex? If so, has counseling been suggested to you? If it has, we need you to invest energy in finding that care before posting more about these fears or panics. If you need help finding that kind of care, we can help you with that.

• Has it been suggested by us or someone else that the relationship or sexual interactions you are or have been in are not healthy or fully consensual? If so, are you making efforts to leave or stay away from that person or people? If not, we need you to do that before counseling you further about any scares. If you need help getting out of or staying away from unhealthy or unsafe sexual relationships or interactions, we can help you with that.

• Have we suggested any changes to behaviors which we feel are likely the cause of continued panic, like adding a reliable backup method to one method of contraception, using reliable contraception, period, stepping away from sex or the kind of sex that can put you at risk of pregnancy or can't, but still gets you worried? Or getting treatment or evaluation for anxiety or phobias? If so, have you made those changes and stuck with them? If not, you need to do that before we can help you further, and need to ask you not to bring more scares to us unless you have made those changes.

Please know that this is something we need to and will set hard limits around with users in our direct services. And, like any hard limits we or anyone else might set, we expect them to be respected. By all means, Scarleteen is not the only place online or off where you can discuss this or any other issue, so if our limits around this aren't something you feel you can live with or agree with, then you're certainly welcome to seek out another organization, service or avenue for this issue.

One last thing: if you are feeling more and more panicked because of many hours, days or weeks spent looking up pregnancy information, particularly in places with highly questionable or nonexistent credibility like Yahoo answers or DIY tumblr feeds, please do not ask us to talk you down from that ledge. It's up to you to control what you look at and not put yourself in more panic, and it's also very much not our job to fix panics people get in from other sources who aren't careful with their information but which you have sought out yourself. If you're doing something like this or have, what you need to to is to take care of yourself and change the channel: stop looking up and at that stuff. Please don't ask us to share responsibility if you choose -- and typically against our advice -- to Dr. Google yourself into a frenzy.

We really have to be mindful of how we use our limited time and resources here, and they can get sucked up very fast by people panicking because they're choosing to do things like this to feed their panic instead of working to dial it down. That means users not doing that can wind up with less of our time and energy, including users who HAVE had real risks or ARE currently dealing with very real, verified unwanted or unplanned pregnancies.

Thanks!

[ 01-03-2013, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bumping this to remind everyone about it.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bumping again to remind people of our limits here.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Resaresa
Neophyte
Member # 108087

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Last month me and my partner dried humped with jeans on. I'm scared and keep thinking what if something went through? I am so nauseous and I have such sharp pains and my boobs hurts and a lot of vaginal discharge. Also I'm a week late on my period. My stomach is huge. Like I'm not even over exaggerating. So much extra layer of skin now. I haven't gain weight but I know in pregnancy you bloat a lot and gain later on. I can't stop crying because I have most of the symptoms. It's been five weeks and I'm a nervous wreck. I'm 17 and I know I should be thinking its impossible, but when a virgin does something stupid like that, she thinks it. Over thinks it. My stomach is way too bloated. I even notice a stretch mark. When being 3 days late for my period, I took two tests and said negative but I don't believe in those tests. I'm feeling every sign! If not pregnant, then what? Please I need advice. If I go to the doctor and he asked if I'm sexually active? Is it a yes or a no? Please anyone?! My abdominal is pulsing like crazy in my stomach. I don't understand why I have these layers of skin now. HELP
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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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If you did not have direct genital contact, you did not have a pregnancy risk. Pregnancy tests, when used as directed, are also very accurate, so there is no reason to doubt those results.

Some people experience things like sore breasts, change in discharge and feeling bloated before their period starts, so it might be that you are due for your period.

But if you feel like your symptoms are not connected to your period, it's not a bad idea to talk to a doctor. While it is extremely unlikely that this has anything to do with sexual activity, it is always best to answer honestly when a doctor asks you something. So if they ask if you are sexually active, you can simply tell them what activities you have engaged in.

If you want to talk about this further, I would encourage you to start a topic of your own for this conversation, to make sure that it does not get lost.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Resaresa
Neophyte
Member # 108087

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I'm new here and having trouble starting. So is there any risk off being pregnant? I'm a week late and these pains having been coming and going for two weeks. I feel liks all the symptoms and so so so so bloated.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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You can start a new topic by clicking the "post new topic" link at the top of any page.

Our answers to the questions you've already asked will be the same as the answers Joey gave you above.

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Robin

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Cristina
Neophyte
Member # 108226

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A few months ago had a pregnancy scare and then I found that wasn't and ever since then I freak out over the littlest things and I think I'm pregnant all the time and I just found out I got OCD and also I have a fear of sperm being every where. which is really stressful on me because I have to wash my hands all the time and I put on so much hand sanitizer gets on my nerves. And I cry all the t time. I am now seeing a psychiatrist I still feel bad sometimes and a few minutes ago the back of my pants got a little wet but I'm not sure from what in my mind automatically assume it's sperm and since I live with my brotherand and dad I get super scared. I know these thoughts are irrational but again I have ocd. I was wearing yoga pants when I felt them moist so they are pretty thin and it was on the very bottom of my butt. Im just really scared and I don't know what to do anymore. Please help. [Frown]

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-thisgirl sprinkles

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Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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Hi Cristina,

Can you start your own thread with this question, please? That helps us keep track of everyone's questions much more easily. There's a "New Topic" button at the top and bottom of each page.

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Cristina
Neophyte
Member # 108226

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A few months ago had a pregnancy scare and then I found that wasn't and ever since then I freak out over the littlest things and I think I'm pregnant all the time and I just found out I got OCD and also I have a fear of sperm being every where. which is really stressful on me because I have to wash my hands all the time and I put on so much hand sanitizer gets on my nerves. And I cry all the t time. I am now seeing a psychiatrist I still feel bad sometimes and a few minutes ago the back of my pants got a little wet but I'm not sure from what in my mind automatically assume it's sperm and since I live with my brotherand and dad I get super scared. I know these thoughts are irrational but again I have ocd. I was wearing yoga pants when I felt them moist so they are pretty thin and it was on the very bottom of my butt. Im just really scared and I don't know what to do anymore. Please help. [Frown]

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-thisgirl sprinkles

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Cristina
Neophyte
Member # 108226

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Sorry posted in the wrong place

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-thisgirl sprinkles

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