Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » What am I?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: What am I?
CrazyDreamer
Neophyte
Member # 110236

Icon 5 posted      Profile for CrazyDreamer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I am 19 years old and always considered myself heterosexual but I never knew why. I've never dated anyone or kissed anyone so I have no experience to determine what I like. I've read slash fanfiction that was malexmale and was more attracted to that then malexfemale. I like the idea of two men having sex together. I've never questioned my gender either until now. Now I sometimes have wishes of having a penis. But it isn't penis envy because I don't have thoughts like "oh where did my penis go? Someone cut it off", no I just know I've never had one. I feel like I've lost my identities and I just don't know what to do. Has anyone else felt this way? Any suggestions?
Posts: 2 | Registered: May 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sexual orientation is primarily about to whom we feel attracted; who we find creates sexual feelings when we see or think about or interact with them. No one has to be sexual with someone else to know those things. Make sense?

That said, I hear you saying you always assumed you were heterosexual, and are finding that thinking about two men, two people of the gender you are attracted to, is enticing for you. As are their genitals. While what people like in any kind of pornography often does not tell us much about their orientation, what you are describing fits mighty squarely with a heterosexual woman, and is also very common for heterosexual women. In other words, you are saying you think you are into men, and in your slash, you are also finding you are into men.

Again, this alone does not tell us anything, you really could be any orientation and find any of this appealing. And it also is not like anything means someone is a given orientation in some proven way. Orientation is something we decide for ourselves, most often just based on our experiences over time with feelings of attraction to people, and primarily in real life, not fantasy or media.

[ 05-04-2014, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CrazyDreamer
Neophyte
Member # 110236

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CrazyDreamer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heather,
Yes I understand that but I've also sometimes felt like I've been attracted to reading about two women. Does that make me bisexual? How can I know if I've never experienced anything. I feel like everyone my age already has that part of their identity figured out and I'm finding myself more an not feeling like I will never find out.

Posts: 2 | Registered: May 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Really, porn -- or slash, or anything like it that's fiction, not reality -- is generally just not a good way to figure out what our orientation is.

Because orientation is about our attraction to REAL people, not characters or depictions of people expressly creates with the aim of arousing sexual feelings.

You know, there really is no age by which everyone has orientation figured out: human experience varies so much with this we just cannot soundly generalize in that way. You also need to account for how fluid orientation is, and for how many people identified and experienced their attraction for say, one time in their lives, then found that changed later on, and sometimes even changed once more. Often when very young people think they somehow have their orientation all figured out, they find out later in life that they really just had it figured out for what they knew so far.

We also can generalize and say that younger people, people under 30, I'd say, are the group of people not likely to have a good handle on what their orientation is, because a lot of orientation is about having had enough life experience to observe patterns in our attraction, and that takes time. [Smile]

My best advice for you is not to try and figure this out if it feels really hard. It really is something where it will sort itself out, rather than you grasping at it or having to make it happen.

It's fine to be questioning, as an identity, and it is also find to just identify in whatever way feels like the best fit for right now. If it's not a good fit later, that's okay, because you get to call it something else then if you want.

Maybe think about it like this: through life, we may or may not have different religious or spiritual beliefs, and may or may not identify those beliefs with a word to ourselves or others. We also get to change if and when we feel differently, and we get to out out of the whole thing if we want, too. Orientation is a whole lot like that.

Bear in mind too that never finding out to whom you feel attracted is not a likely reality, and that really is just what orientation is. Maybe you never find out that your attraction lies only with one specific group, but even then, that's not not-knowing about your orientation. That would just be knowing that it is more broad than narrow. Make sense?

[ 05-04-2014, 03:28 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3