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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Questioning Sexual Orientation

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Author Topic: Questioning Sexual Orientation
Member # 109255

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Up until this point in my life, I have always thought of myself as heterosexual; attracted to males. Now, though, I have reason to wonder about this.
I know that I can be emotionally attracted to men, and physically... the only thing is, I don't like penis. At all. I don't want it near me. I love kissing a guy, but when penis gets involved, I tense up and just want to get out of the situation.
This is weird and a little frustrating for me, because I am attracted in all ways but that. I wish that I liked it so that I could enjoy that kind of intimacy, but it just doesn't look like that's going to happen.
The other thing is, I think I find myself physically attracted to girls. I think that part of me has always been there, although I've kind of passed it off as nothing. I don't remember ever having any romantic feelings towards a girl I knew, though, but maybe that's just because I always thought of myself as heterosexual and therefore didn't take any of those feelings seriously.
What is going on here?
I don't know how anyone can help me try and figure out this situation, and I know that it doesn't need to be figured out, necessarily... It would just be nice to get some insight. Maybe I'm bisexual?

Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Girl12,

Sexual orientation can be a really convoluted business, as you're discovering. It's also really personal, so how one person defines and names their emotions can be very different from how another names those same feelings. So, it's not really my place (or anyone elses) to tell you which orientation to claim.

All that being said, being able to attach a name or identity to our feelings can be really helpful. So, if you feel like bisexual is the term that describes what you're feeling, then you can decide on that one. And, as you've already noticed, how we identity can change over the course of our lifetimes.

I think it might be helpful, if you haven't already, to do some reading up on various orientations. I think these articles might be a good place to start:
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz
The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone

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Scarleteen Volunteer
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You can certainly be attracted to men but not into penises - maybe that's something that will change for you, maybe it won't, but I don't think that on its own signifies anything about your sexual orientation. One can't reduce men just to penises, after all.

I am a big fan of only worrying about labels & names for things to the extent that they're helpful - it can be nice to have a label to identify with, sometimes, but if you aren't quite sure then that's totally ok too. Plenty of people are questioning or uncertain about a part of their identities, or find that parts of their identity are fluid. This article may help with some of that: Q is for Questioning

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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