I've never thought much on whether or not I had any fantasies or kinks and I didn't think I had any until one day I came across a book that was about BDSM. I read the book curious as to whether or not it was.. I guess more..'exciting' than regular sex and to my surprise I found it much more stimulating I guess would be the word for it and now well I find myself wanting to explore it a little more, but I'm nervous and I feel confused about my like of BDSM because I'm not dominant by any means, but I'm also not a submissive person so why do I find the idea of being tied up and dominated so stimulating?
Posts: 1 | From: Texas | Registered: Jul 2013
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Hi 15andconfused and welcome to Scarleteen,
You know, what turns anyone on is really a mystery. Some people have a very clear idea of what drives their sexual desires, fantasies, and what they enjoy sexually, and some people don't.
It's okay that you don't know what is fueling these desires. Can you fill me in on why that is scary or confusing to you? That is, do you feel like you have to know why you feel this way in order for it to be okay?
I'm also not so sure that BDSM and regular sex are two separate and distinct things. I think rather that they tend to exist on a continuum. For example, it's possible that while you really enjoy some BDSM elements in fantasy, you might not enjoy them in action....but you might find other sexual things, kinky or not, to be more interesting in action than they are in fantasy. And this can change over time.
There's a lot of variation when it comes to people's sexualities. it's not usually so clear-cut as whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, for example. Many people like things, kinky or otherwise, that don't align with their personality in general, or with other aspects of hwo they are sexually.
have you seen this article on our site about kink? It might be a helpful place for you to start in figuring some of this out for yourself.
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