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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » two differing opinions from others -- does MINE matter?

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Author Topic: two differing opinions from others -- does MINE matter?
Prozac
Activist
Member # 79657

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Hi,

I have two friends. One is extremely religious and does not believe homosexuality or bisexuality is okay; he thinks it's a sin against God. The other friend of mine is a bisexual female that is very liberal in her thinking.

Well, the bisexual friend told me that since I think women are attractive, I must be bisexual. The religious friend told me that since I don't want to have sex with a women, since I only like to look, then I'm straight. He said something about "mixing up sexual attraction with liking to look at beautiful things."

As for ME --

I don't necessarily WANT to have sex with a girl, but I'm open to it. And I do love to admire the female body. But I don't really identify as bisexual OR heterosexual. I definitely prefer guys though... so maybe I'm straight?

I don't know, I just needed to whine to someone. Sorry.

Posts: 68 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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Only one person gets to name your identity and orientation, and that's you. Your friends are welcome to have their own opinions, but it's not their place to put words in your mouth and decide your identity for you.

It sounds like you have some attraction to women but aren't sure how deep that attraction goes, and that's really ok. If you want to call yourself straight because you know you're attracted to men and are unsure about your sexual attraction women, that's perfectly reasonable! If you think maybe you're bisexual, or just want to call yourself "questioning" for a while, that's ok too. It really is up to you, and not being 100% certain of your sexual orientation is not uncommon and is totally fine.

If your friends are being a little pushy about their opinions on your sexuality, you're well within your rights to ask them to drop the topic.

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Prozac
Activist
Member # 79657

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Thanks, Molias. I just wish there was less pressure on everyone, including me, to make an identity choice RIGHT AWAY. Like why can't I just be me and if I want to have sex with boys, fine, and if a girl comes around that I want to have sex with then that's fine too? What's the point of labeling it?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You CAN do just that.

It sounds like your friends are putting pressure on you, but that doesn't mean everyone does or will. And ultimately, when you tell people doing it to back off? They're probably stop.

Some people don't see a point in having words or terms for their orientation or other parts of their sexual identity: others do. There's no right or wrong here, just what you feel works best for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I hear you, Prozac!!! Labels can be super-helpful for some people but if you don't find them to be useful to you, or aren't sure which ones might fit you yet, you don't need to use them. I hope your friends get off your back soon.
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That Strange CT child
Activist
Member # 104246

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Neither you or your friends can control your sexuality
Whichever gender(s) you are attracted to is something determined in the same way as favorite colors or foods, its out of anyones hands and you can only accept yourself for who you are, and if they have a problem with who you are, they arent really friends
Friends dont care about those things
Really, how different are you from them just for being attracted to women? You still have a life and go through ot like everyone else to an extent [Wink]

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It is my hope that what i ask here is answered for me and anyone else afraid to ask the same question :)

Posts: 133 | From: Connecticut | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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