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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Too gay?

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Author Topic: Too gay?
Member # 107273

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My questions deals with sexuality and whether there is such thing as being, "too gay".

I've always identified myself as a lesbian and recently I went out on one date with a guy I met. I'm not sexually or emotionally attracted to him- or any guy for that matter but I've felt the need to at least try. The date was okay and I decided to possibly get intimate with him because I needed to see what that was like. I tried and failed. I kissed him, he wanted to have sex but I had to ask him to stop because I was not sexually aroused at all. This was the first and only time I've ever gone out with a guy and I was shocked how bored and nonsexual it was for me.

I read about sexuality being fluid and it confuses me. I've never been able to feel a sexual or emotional connection with males. Is it normal to just be gay? Is there something wrong with me only wanting to have intimate relationships with females? Heterosexual men in prison have sex with other men... I can't even kiss a guy without feeling yucky.

Posts: 1 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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It's just as "normal" to just be gay as it is to just be straight. or to just be neither of those things.

I don't think talking about the very complex sexual dynamics of prisons is sound here, for a whole mess of reasons (including how many sexual interactions within prisons are sexual assaults and abuses, not consensual sex).

Really, the wide range of sexual orientation we know our diverse population experiences are all "normal," because we know that that range exists. And it certainly includes people who are exclusively attracted to only one gender.

There's no "too" anything in this respect: there's just whoever we are and with whomever our attractions and interests lie.

Also? Trying to be sexual or affectionate with anyone, of any gender, we're just not feeling a thing for will tend to feel yucky. being solely attracted to women doesn't tend to mean being AVERSE to men (being attracted to women is just about being attracted to women), just disinterested.

I suspect that feeling of aversion you had may have mostly been about trying to do something intimate with someone when you just didn't want to more than that person's gender was the real ish.

[ 04-07-2013, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Burdened with glorious booty
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Honestly, I've been starting to wonder what those words "too gay" even mean. It's been coming up a lot in fan discussions of a comic I'm reading (and for that, it seems like having a more feminine haircut and less grungy clothes makes you a walking gay-male stereotype and "too gay" for people to tolerate, who knew), and I've generally come to the conclusion that there's no such thing as being "too gay". If you exclusively like someone of the same sex/gender as yourself, then congratulations - you're gay. There are not people out there who are gayer than you are, or less gay, because gayness isn't something that can be measured, methinks. It's a debate that the asexual community have had too, where some non-libidoist/aromantic/repulsed aces tried to claim that they're "more asexual" than others, which is silly.

I just don't think a person can be "too gay", and if they are...then is that really a problem?


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