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Author Topic: Scared to tell my friends
Harris
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So I'm really not sure of my sexuality at all, just that I am attracted to women in some shape or form. I would like to try being in a relationship, or even just having experiences with a girl, but the problem is nobody knows that I'm not straight.

I just started my freshman year of college so I have a new friend circle and I don't know how any of them feel about gay people or LGBT issues at all. I'm scared they won't be accepting if I tell them and I don't know how figure out if they are or not.

I don't even know if I want to tell people but if nobody knows how will I ever find someone to be with? I don't know what to do, and watching my friends all get boyfriends when all I want is to be with them is getting harder and harder.
Please help me.

Posts: 10 | From: Southwest WI | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Have you looked into LGBT organizations on campus? That's one place you're bound to meet some like-minded people who will be accepting and supportive of you. That way, you can widen your social circle a little to include people who you can be out with. And once you feel more secure and supported in who you are, it'll likely also be a bit easier to come out to your other friends, if that is something you want to do.

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-joey
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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fiveanddime
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Jumping in here but some schools have LGBT advisors, too, or deans who specialize in LGBT issues who can be a source of support. They might be able to point you to the right resources. Good luck!
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Harris
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I signed up to join my school's GSA, but it hasn't started yet. Hopefully it'll happen soon. Thank you guys for replying!
Posts: 10 | From: Southwest WI | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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If you decide you do want to tell your friends, sometimes it can be good to pick one person who you're most comfortable with and confident that they are likely to be accepting. Then they can help you and provide support around telling others.

Hope that the GSA goes well for you and you get to meet some interesting people [Smile]

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Harris
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Yeah, I think I might tell one of my friends that lives pretty far from me that I talk to every so often over the phone. In case it goes badly, I won't have to see her everyday.
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eryn_smiles
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What makes you feel like it would go badly?

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Harris
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I'm just scared. I'm so scared that the people I love and that love me won't love me after I tell them. I don't know how they're going to react, and that's the worst thing I think, just the possibility that they won't accept me.
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Saffron Raymie
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Remember that you never, ever have to tell people, and you definately never have to before you feel 100% ready.

That said, have you seen this article yet: Don't Let the Door Hit you on the Way Out?

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~ Saffy
Scarleteen Volunteer

To my Abuser: I'm seeing stars. I bet you can't do that.

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Harris
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I liked that article, thanks for giving me the link. I've got a lot to think about.
Posts: 10 | From: Southwest WI | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Claire P.
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Harris,
Just an extra thing to consider: studies show the first group of friends the average college freshman makes is not still their main source of social life by sophomore year. This may not be the case with you, but that statistic CAN remind us that as scary as starting the whole new life/world college is, it IS also a chance to start over and build up and out who you want to be, pretty much from scratch-- and this all in a whole big bunch of new people! Even if you were not questioning your sexuality, you do not sound like the kind of person who would like to be friends with homophobic or otherwise-judgmental people. So the good news is that if these new friends don't appear to be accepting, you have a full pool of other potential awesome AND accepting friends to choose from! I know that can sound super intimidating, but everyone is in that whole in-flux-friends situation now too, so you won't at all seem like the odd one out.

And I used to suss out points of view with new people by saying something like, "Oh man, my friend from highschool just came out to me and is really scared/confused, and I didn't know what to tell her. What would you say?"

Posts: 170 | From: Northeast USA | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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