i met a guy in 8th grade november 18 2010 but he was dateing my bestfriend... they broke up and we soon became bestfriends we did everything together we talk on the phone every night and all the time during the day and when we wake up... i dident find out he was gay until a month after i met him and i told him i am in love with him on july 11 or 2011 and he dident have a problem with it... the only thing is we talk all the time and he says things to me like i cant live without you and he loves me we got in a fight one day and i told him we were done but he said that i was was his white light in his dark world wich to me was really sweet and weave kissed and made out and other stuff.... i know im in love with him because the feeling i get with him its unexplainable but its a good feeling just thinking about him puts a smile on my face when we hold hands or hug i get butterflies in my stomach and my heart races its like an intese feeling an i wont go away even though hes gay... he was my first love the first person i ever smoked weed with almost my first (first sex wise)... i know im really young but i just know im in love with him but i just dont know how to stop being in love with him i am currently a tenth grader and im 15 but i just wana get some advice because my friends dont understand what im going through i cant love or get feelings for anyone elese because of the fact im in love with him and he has all these girl friends and i get extremley jealous ..... i just want it all to stop! can somone please try to help me
Posts: 9 | From: silverspring md. | Registered: Jul 2012
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I'm sorry this post was missed, MyFirstEverything.
I'm afraid nobody can change your feelings, and none of us can control our own feelings. However, being attracted to one person of a different gender wouldn't make him any less gay. Have you ever told him about your feelings? Sometimes, even if someone idenitifies as straight or gay, they can just be attracted to someone as a person, regardless of their gender.
However, sometimes people just don't have sexual feelings for us. This can happen, and will happen to all of us pretty often, regardless of whether the person we're attracted to is gay or straight or identifies another way. It hurts, it really does hurt, but unfortunately it's a part of life, and we have to respect other peoples' feelings. When it does happen, the best thing we can do is take extra special care of ourselves, be very gentle on ourselves and take the time to do the things that help us feel a little better, such as eating ice cream, reading a favourite book, or dancing. What usually makes you feel a little better?
[ 08-08-2012, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: Rei ]
-------------------- 'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010
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I'm so sorry that things are so rough for you. I understand how you feel (I think I've shared my story with you about falling for one of my best friends who came out of the closet later on in another thread or post); but the most important thing I want to stress to you is that this situation is NOT your fault.
When my friend had rejected me, I immediately blamed myself. I wasn't good enough, attractive enough, special enough... And I struggled with that for months. When I did get over him and he told me he was gay, I suddenly realized that all this really wasn't my fault. It was my gender he didn't prefer, not me as a person. To be honest, since we were so close then and are even closer now, I sometimes struggle with forgiving him because he had led me on and was then dishonest with me about why he had rejected me. But, of course, he wasn't ready to come out at the time, and that's no one's fault. And forgiveness is never a one-time thing for me (I go through a process of forgiving someone over time, and I keep forgiving them). I think what I'm really trying to emphasize here is that honesty is so important, and that you shouldn't beat yourself up over his feelings. It's obvious that he does care for you; and I know how painful it is that it's not in the way that you'd like.
Did you say in your other thread that he does things like kissing you and hugging you? In my own opinion, it might be a good idea to tell him not to do those things. If they hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable, you need to tell him. It sounds like he cares for you very much, so he would probably appreciate doing something that would make you more at ease.
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I know it's not easy. As Rei said, do things for you and take care of yourself first through all of this. Take care, and please keep us posted.
-------------------- "I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can) Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012
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Wait a sec - so your friend has told you that he loves you, kisses and hugs you all the time, and has actually had sex with you...but he claims that he's gay and not interested?
I'm sorry, but he's giving you some massively mixed messages there. Does he know you're in love with him? Even if he doesn't, you need to have a serious chat with him about what exactly is going on. The sooner you both understand each other on this issue, the better.
-------------------- Ta-da! Posts: 130 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2011
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