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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I just want to know - am I doing this right?

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Author Topic: I just want to know - am I doing this right?
Chayden
Neophyte
Member # 96137

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I've read a lot on the Internet about how "girls" (I am a genderqueer, pansexual teenager who just so happens to have a vagina) should try to get their male sexual partners to eat them out or finger them before they have sex or give blow/hand jobs, because their partner will become disinterested after they've orgasmed. I've also read about how no one should ever feel pressured into giving a blow job, because they're not obligatory. I suppose I can see the logic in that and I LOVE the idea of reciprocity, but my current situation... Varies from the norm, I guess I should say.

Here's what's going on:

I recently ended a lesbian relationship. I had thought that I would not be able to have eyes for anyone aside from girls for a long, long time... But then I realized that I was attracted to a guy. I realized my attraction while relaxing at his house with a handful of mutual friends, and he invited me to spend the night.
Now, he invited me to sleep over before I realized that I was attracted to him, and since this attraction is mostly aesthetic, I didn't think that we would actually do anything. But we cuddled on his bed, and before long, we were both interested in something more. We had absolutely zero issues with communicating, and spent hours alternating between snuggling and him getting me off. We never kissed.
This happened two nights in a row.

I know that I'm going back to that city within the next few days, and I'll probably see him again. We made it very clear that the both of us wanted to continue with this kind of relationship, and even agreed that, had we had more privacy, we would've actually had sex.
This is something that I really want. I loved this guy as a friend before our relationship turned sexual, and now I love and respect him for being such a gentlemanly partner. I WANT to reciprocate - the next time I sleep over, I want to be the one to initiate the whole thing, and to pamper him as he's pampered me. I'm looking forward to giving him head because I know it'll be mutually enjoyable - I'm excited and giddy and turned on, all at the same time.
But... WHY? At first I was confused because I was experiencing genuine attraction to a male (even though I'm pansexual, I lean more toward vagina'd bodies), and NOW I'm confused because my experience sounds so much different than other peoples'.

So, I just want to know: is something going terribly wrong here? Or am I concerned over nothing?

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I am not sure I understand what you are asking, Chayden. Can you maybe rephrase your question?

In general, though, there are no rules or "shoulds" when it comes to sex. People, regardless of their sexual or gender orientation, get to do what they want and what feels best to them. There is no set order in which sexual activities should progress. If it feels good to both of you, you're doing just fine [Smile]

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Chayden
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Thank you for replying! I guess what I'm trying to ask is if our relationship is a healthy one. Does it sound like we're headed for trouble because neither of us intend on taking this down a romantic road? Or should we both be okay, despite not having the most conventional interpersonal connection?
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September
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Interpersonal relationships, including romantic ones, are as varied as people themselves. There are about as many relationship models as there are people out there, and none of them are more valid or "better" than others. The guiding principle here is, as with sex as I stated above, that everyone involved is happy with it and feels safe and respected.

It sounds like you have a good basis for communication, and are moving at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you. So I'd say, you're off to a great start!

This article may also help you out with this:
Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Chayden
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Member # 96137

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Oh, thank you very much! I actually feel quite a bit less worrisome now ^ u^
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September
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Glad to hear it! [Smile] You are very welcome.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cricket
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Your interpersonal connection sounds like it is unconventional in the most positive of ways - as you put it, you two "had absolutely zero issues with communicating." There are plenty of folks in more "traditional" romantic relationships who don't necessarily have that part figured out well. It also sounds like you're looking at this guy very much as an individual person and acknowledging that Internet accounts of what "girls" and "guys" are supposed to be like don't really match up with the two of you and your relationship. The fact that you're happy about potentially giving him head and he's been very willing to get you off are awesome things, and certainly don't mean that anything's going terribly wrong, even if they don't match up to stuff people have claimed about sex on the Internet. I wish you all the best! Good on you for getting involved with someone caring and respectful who you can have fun with, regardless of whether or not romance ever becomes involved.
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Chayden
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Member # 96137

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Thank you so much, Cricket! I've gotten a lot more comfortable with how "different" our relationship is in the time since I started this thread, and it's been really good to hear that we haven't been doing anything wrong by not playing it by the books.
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WesLuck
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Everyone's unique! Unique is normal, normal is weird, weird is good. [Smile] All the best!
Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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