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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I'm losing it!

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Author Topic: I'm losing it!
Angelica Maria
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Member # 96266

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I believe my sexuality is messed up. Which is why I'm on scarleteen where I have to be anonymous this is something completely abnormal that I'm pretty sure u have never had anyone come to u with this problem. I feel ashamed of it to and I think something's wrong with me.

So my big problem is, well to start u off, I am a super South Park fan. I'm obsessed with it and I watch it everyday when I eat. Now normally when I have cartoon character crushes (which I've had all my life) its an "I think he/she is cute" type of crush. Now there's this one character in south park who is my favorite character, we totally relate to each other and have a lot in common. I feel like him when I watch that show. I've been turned on by his personality and was especially turned on by the way he acts. I have been in denial all the time. Today I saw an episode of him mooning. I got sexually excited about his body. I tried to fight the sexual excitement but I just had to admit it to myself in case if that is a huge problem I can get help for myself. 

I know this is totally weird and abnormal. This might be a trigger regarding the fact that south park is a very mature show and I was sexually abused as a kid. I don't know if its just a problem for other people to know bc it's weird but not an issue if I keep it to myself or if it's a big problem just to feel this way. If its an issue I need to know so I can get help immediately. I really need to know this bc I'm ashamed of myself! [Frown]

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 57 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
copper86
Peer Ambassador
Member # 95710

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Angelica Maria,

In my own opinion, I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you - and I prefer not to use words like that to describe someone; as I don't think feelings or identities regarding our personal selves (like a religion, an opinion, an attachment) can be "wrong."

You know, I'm in my 20's, and I still think some cartoon characters are hot. If it makes you feel better, I often take an anime character, advance him by about a decade, and write him into my stories as a young adult. I'd get some crushes on cartoon characters and real-life characters, too (for example, I often fantasize about Toby and Jason from Pretty Little Liars! [Smile] ). Sometimes, even literary figures are characters I get drawn to.

I don't think you are alone in feeling this way, and I guarantee that there are others who feel similar to you. Our sexualities, in my opinion, aren't just tied to partners and people we know: we can sometimes imagine other characters - from cartoons, TV shows, movies, and books - and I don't think that's an "abnormal" thing at all. Sexuality is not black and white - we all like different things and that doesn't make us "weird" or "wrong." [Smile]

If we can be sexually aroused by partners and attracted to them, what about from watching people on tv or watching an actor in a movie? Please try to not think of yourself as different. I bet there are others who feel this way and just don't talk about it. My goodness, I had (and still do) such a thing for Anakin Skywalker from Episode 3... But I digress. [Wink]

Your sexuality represents who you are; and I think this is not something that means you're different. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you as a kid... Would you like to talk more about that? If not, please don't feel as if you have to.

I hope you feel better, and know that your feelings and your sexuality are your own, and that makes them - and you - special and important.

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

Posts: 692 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angelica Maria
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Member # 96266

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Thank u copper. I'm so glad it's normal. So I was in denial for nothing and it's nothing like say pedophilia or beastiality to be sexually attracted to a drawn graphic cartoon. So I can let myself be attracted to Cartman from south park without worries!

I have no problem talking more about molestation as a child because it doesn't effect me as much today but it will always be there with me. I'm just not that sensitive about it. I'm not sure what I should sy of it b/c I don't know what info ur looking for.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 57 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angelica Maria
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Member # 96266

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Remember I have no problem sharing what u wanna know and if I'm not comfortable answering I will show compassion about it.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just to add a little to this: even when people DO feel attraction towards children or animals, using the examples you gave, those feelings or thoughts do not equal actions.

Our fantasies, feelings or thoughts cannot do other people or beings harm. Only our actions can.

On top of that, understand that what elicits sexual feelings or thoughts in people is SO diverse, and so not just about people-in-person. Some smells create those feelings for people, or sounds, bits of music, passages in poetry, the whole works. Some people experience sexual feelings or thoughts based on objects.

Really, when it comes to what elicits those feelings for people, there really is no "normal." There is just an awful lot of diversity, and potentially every single thing in the whole wide world elicits those feelings for at least someone.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angelica Maria
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Member # 96266

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the first line u said, well yes that is true, but when for example a pedophile is attracted to little kids, it can lead to action unless they get themselves help right away. Like my former step dad who molested me, he had the opportunity to get help for it but instead he let it get to him and it ruined his whole life.

Now I do know that in this case, there is no way I can have sex with a cartoon character. That's impossible. So theres no red flags at all. Cartman is an 8 year old in south park and I'm an adult, but I'm not a pedo because its absolutely impossible for me to put the moves on him. So its still not bad.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 57 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This is a *really* complex issue from the standpoint of someone who studies sexuality (starting with the fact that it's been very well established that when it comes to all kinds of sexual assault and abuse, sexual attraction really isn't a factor: people who assault and abuse tend to choose victims mostly based on opportunity, not specific other kinds of attraction), and while I'd be happy to have a conversation about it in more depth, it's probably not one that would not be terribly triggering for you.

But all the same, even if and when someone does have thoughts or ideas or sexual feelings based on things that would be harmful to act on, it would actually not be sound to say those feelings are "red flags" to them enacting them (with the exception, sometimes, but not always, of if those ideas were about assaulting or abusing someone), and that's not a statement I'd be comfortable having stand here just because we're dedicated to making sure that what's here on the site is factual, okay?

[ 08-10-2012, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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