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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Normal? What does this make me?

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Author Topic: Normal? What does this make me?
jayjay92
Neophyte
Member # 96171

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As far as sexuality goes, I tend to confuse myself. I've never had a relationship with a girl, much less sex, but I can't say I've had one with a guy truly either. I'm attracted to both, but I would never have sex or date a female. Not because I think it's wrong but I just don't want that. But I will say females are much more attractive, even sexually so.

Maybe it's an insecurity but I just.don't understand. Honestly I feel frustrated from time to time. I please myself plenty, and I can make myself orgasm. It's not that I don't have.that experience. But I only per sue sex once or twice a year. I don't have to have it, and I think that's somewhat unusual for someone my age who has had sex before. Again, nothing wrong with being a virgin.

For instance, I can go drink with my friends and dance with them no problem. But we just left Magic Mike and I didn't get anything out of it. And they are attractive men. I don't get it.

I've always been this way, ever since I lost my virginity. I am a very sexual person just not with other people? Right now I can't tell if it's hormones that are upsetting me or what, though I figure it is. What's wrong with me? I don't even know what to identify myself as. I don't kiss, so the furthest thing I would do with a girl would be.dance, but guys have been making me (figuratively) gag lately. It's frustrating, I wish I could just start so it'd go away but I guess I'm going to be late this time.

I'm also way more insecure with guys, which i don't understand. Either I plan on having sex and just.go at it or I'm incredibly awkward and blow my chances with them. I'm also worried I'd self sabotage.if I ever did try to go out with someone, or be too paranoid to enjoy it. I don't understand why. I've lost a heck.of a lot of weight so I should be.more happy and.confident but I'm the complete opposite.

Help?

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Go with the flow!

Posts: 30 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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Member # 49582

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Welcome JayJay, I'm sorry you're feeling so confused right now.

sexual orientation is about which genders we feel sexual and/or romantic attraction to, rather than who we've had sex with, if anyone.

I think an important thing to remember here is that masturbation is sex; solo sex. Our bodies can't tell the difference between our own hands and someone else's - even though our minds can. So, it could be that you aren't comfortable with having partnered sex at the moment - or haven't found a person you feel comfortable with yet. It may even be that casual sex doesn't feel comfortable to you right now? Do you think it could be different if you were with a close friend you knew you could fully relax with, and just have fun?

Sexuality - and desire for partnered sex - doesn't really have anything to do with age. Some people find they have a much higher desire for partnered sex in their fifties; some people find that they don't want partnered sex all through their teens; some people take a while to figure things out with their sexualities first - for a myriad of reasons.

In your friendship group, it may seem like having lots of casual sex and having a strong desire for it is common - but that isn't the choice that feels most right for everyone, or may be feel most right later in life, but not now. Human sexuality is one of the most diverse things in the world; as diverse and varied as people themselves - and more so, because sexuality and desires can vary and be very flexible within the same person. So, what's feel right for one can feel totally uncomfortable for another - no matter if our ages are the same.

Does that make sense?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jayjay92
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Member # 96171

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It makes sense, but I guess it still puts me at odds with the people I know. I think it's just sex, period, that I've lost a lot of interest in. You said masturbation is counted as sex, and I don't even do that as often anymore.

But no, it would be way worse if I as with somebody I actually knew. Just typing that or thinking about it makes my stomach sick. I don't know why, but I've never been able to do it. All my guy friends are dating somebody anyway.

So does it make a difference in sexuality if you're attracted to females but couldn't see yourself dating one? Probably nothing I guess.

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Go with the flow!

Posts: 30 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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