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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Confused about my sexuality

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Author Topic: Confused about my sexuality
WhiteFox
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Member # 91943

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I am a sixteen year old male. Most of my sexual fantasies are about other guys but some of them are about girls. Most of my crushes have been on other males and can only really recall one on a female.(when I say male or female I'm talking about cisgender men and women - I haven't known anyone who was openly trans and/or gender queer)

I have never dated or done anything sexual with a partner and to tell you the truth I'm at a point right now where I don't want to be involved with people in that way right now even if it's just something a one time thing.

I don't want to slap on a label to fast and realize I'm actually something else. If It wasn't for the small amount of feeling I've had for women I think I would probably consider myself a gay male but is that really the best label consider the feelings I've had for women or can still identify that way?
Any thoughts ?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, for starters, I hear you saying that you're questioning at this point: Q is for Questioning

And if you want a word to use for where you're at right now, that is certainly one option.

I also hear you saying that you feel strong attraction to men, and sometimes, though less often, to women. Do I have that right? If I do, it can help to remember that our only choices aren't straight or gay, and that way more people land in the middle, whether they call that bisexual, pansexual, queer, something else entirely OR straight or gay.

But ultimately, if you use a term and what term you use is mostly about what feels best to you, and what you feel, when you use it, communicates how you feel best to others in a way you're comfortable with.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Member # 44338

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In addition to what Heather said, you may find this article interesting:

Living without Labels

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~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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WhiteFox
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Member # 91943

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@ Heather - 'I also hear you saying that you feel strong attraction to men, and sometimes, though less often, to women. Do I have that right?' Yes I would say that is correct.

But I've of straight men who have had fantasies about other men and even had crushes during puberty is it possible I'm experiencing the reverse of that. That I'm a gay male who is just having some feelings for women but who really wants to be with a guy ? If not I would probably consider myself bisexual with a preference for the same sex.
Also thanks of the Q article it was helpful.

@ moonlight bouncing off the water - thanks for the article I found it helpful.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It might help to recognize and know that sexuality, including orientation is often fluid for people throughout all of life. And of course, during phases of life when your sexuality is in major development, like our teens and twenties, there is often even more fluidity.

So, is it possible that in time you'll come to the conclusion you're gay? Sure. And that would be okay. Just like it would be okay if you come to different conclusions over time.

But what we can't ever do is predict the future, so we can't really choose a way to identify ourselves sexually that we can ever be sure will always be or feel true for the whole of our lives. All we can ever have to work with, really, is the past and the present.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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