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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Baby queer confusion, laughably naive questions-help!

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Author Topic: Baby queer confusion, laughably naive questions-help!
mariecuriefan
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Member # 60735

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Hi. I need help figuring out issues related to the topic of this forum. Namely:I am insanely confused, in an embarrassingly naive, Bambie like fashion. Now, I have one thing figured out: I am not straight. Whew. Felt pretty proud of myself for coming to that realization (22 years in the making).

But.

After some late night Google sessions, my poor little midwestern sheltered brain has been blown upon finding out that orientation and gender is bigger and more complicated than male/female, gay/straight. Say WHAT?? (Go on, laugh). Now, I assumed I was bi, since I've slept with a moderate number of men, in some cases enthusiastically. When I came out a few weeks ago, I glibly informed people that I was "fluid," acting all knowledgeable. But upon further Google sessions and head-scratching, I am wondering: could it be possible that I'm a full-on LEZ?

Observations that provoked this question: 1) I have only dated effeminate, slender boys that I can boss around. Big muscles and general macho manliness are NOT my thing. 2)When I have sex with men, it usually doesn't do much for me. To be very graphic (hide your eyes!), I like the sensation of penetration but would be just fine if there was no man attached. 3) I lust after boys, but only lean, pretty ones. And it's totally different when I'm crushing on a girl; less aesthetic appreciation and more OH GEEZ I CANT STAND IT I WANT TO TOUCH HER HAIR AND ALSO EVERY OTHER ANATOMICAL FEATURE.

So, Scarleteeners...what do you think? Am I bi/pan/fluid/poly/omni or am I a lesbian? Cuz at this point I am LOST.

(by the way, sorry for any redundancy--I know variants of this question are more plentiful than rainbows at Pride Fest.)

Posts: 2 | From: Missouri | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
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Hey mariecuriefan, Welcome to Scarleteen!

You know, the toughest part of orientation is that feeling that you're just not quite sure where exactly you fit in at any given time. It's not an easy or fun feeling, but in time you will figure out what feels best in describing your orientation. One suggest I would make is to remember you don't have to ID any certain way. Saying your orientation is fluid is totally okay. Seeing you used queer above, and that's perfect as well. Or you may choose right now not to ID any certain way at all just yet, and that's totally cool too.

Orientation is about who we are attracted to, not about some importance to IDing a certain way. Give yourself time to figure out what fits you best, and don't be afraid to try on the different hats (if having a label is important to you,you can even try something - silly as it sounds - like standing in front of a mirror and talking it out to yourself in a "Well, I'm _____" fashion till you stumble on one that feels comfy to you.)

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CoatRack
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Member # 50455

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Bad news? We can't tell you what your sexual orientation is.

Worse news? It can change so you may not be able to pin it down either.

The good news? You aren't alone.

The awesome news? It's all normal and OK.

I desperately need sleep, but do you want to start with reading through these links?

The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz
Living without Labels
Q is for Questioning

Do you want to give those a read and then come back and ask questions?

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Hey folks, my name is Andrew and I was a mod here for awhile a couple years ago. I'll be here for a couple weeks while Heather is out and the site is even more short-staffed than usual

Posts: 441 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mariecuriefan
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Member # 60735

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Stephanie_1: Thanks for the warm welcome! Re: "an orientation ID isn't absolutely necessary" makes a lot of sense to me. Feels more natural.

CoatRack: Excellent! I feel alone (geographically speaking; my locale is very homogeneous). Good to know that I'm not. I feel much more enlightened after browsing through your links. Thanks, and sorry for not posting after becoming better-informed--I've been an internet denizen long enough to know it's bad forum etiquette to post without lurking for a while and getting knowledgeable.

Posts: 2 | From: Missouri | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
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I think one SO common theme in all of this is that all too often when working through orientation is that it CAN feel really alone. I know I felt that way SO often, and coming from a small town that was not so open and accepting near a larger area even less open and accepting - I totally get how it can feel that way. But you're totally not, and soon enough you'll start to feel that too. [Smile]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blush
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You should date only those you feel attracted to and like a lot. If you feel you aren't sexually attracted to the guy you should have sex with him...believe me you do not want to get into a situation where your with someone your not attracted to.

Try dating more women too. This should help you figure yourself out.

Posts: 60 | From: Windy LittleTown | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Orsoe: while we appreciate your wanting to help, we prefer that you do not bump up older threads unless you have something new to add. Since this post has been sitting a while, it's unlikely that the original user will come back to read this.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blush
Activist
Member # 69019

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quote:
Originally posted by September:
Orsoe: while we appreciate your wanting to help, we prefer that you do not bump up older threads unless you have something new to add. Since this post has been sitting a while, it's unlikely that the original user will come back to read this.

I'm screwing up badly here. Sorry guys! [Frown]
Posts: 60 | From: Windy LittleTown | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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