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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Questioning...

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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
Member # 93756

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This has been on my mind for about a year and a half now...but I'll tell you first why.

I had a dream once where this woman and I were naked, and we were engaged very passionately in mutual masturbation. We were about the same age, she was black and I was (and am) white, not that I think race had any influence in this but anyways...when I came in the dream, my body also orgasmed outside the dream, and so strongly that it woke me up because I was convulsing.

Also, I find that I am attracted to the female and the male anatomy, but so far I've only been very strongly sexually attracted to males, and only then two in my lifetime (I'm 16). I also do sometimes find myself daydreaming about kissing girls that I know.

So far, I'm deciding to go with the sexual orientation of “questioning”, since I haven't really had any experiences that
would be defining of my sexual orientation, but the thing is, I
want to some day have a relationship with another woman.

Can anyone help me sort this out? I'm totally fine with homosexuality, by the way, just so everyone knows before-hand, and one of my best friends is gay. I just want some personal feedback from some other people who may have gone through (or might still be going through) the same thing.

Merci beaucoup!

[ 01-27-2012, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: Lorelei, the Wolf Girl ]


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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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I think it can be helpful to remember that experience isn't what defines sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is what you feel and believe within yourself, and even that changes over time.

A lot of people think (and I'm by no means suggesting you're doing this) that people are straight until they experience otherwise. We could flip that around though, and ask how people know they're straight if they've never experienced it.

My apologies; that's a bit of a soapbox for me. [Smile]

Have you read any of the articles on our site about orientation? You might find them helpful. We can give you some links, if you like.

It's completely okay to identify as questioning--now, or forever if that'swhat feels good to you.

It might also be helpful to think about how sexual orientation canencompass a lot of things--experience, attraction, fantasy, etc. Who you feel what for may change at any given time.

I can definitely tell you that you're not alone in feeling this way, or in wondering about it. I'd venture to say that plenty of people have fantasies, dreams, or desires about a gender that they don't consider the one they're primarily attracted to. And yes, I think this applies to people who describe themselves, or just assume that, they're straight.


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Lorelei, the Wolf Girl
Member # 93756

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Yep, I've read many of the articles about sexual orientation here on Scarleteen. I was also checking out some of the posts that many people have here on the forum, too.

I don't know...but like you said, I guess I'll never really know, and I can just go about as “questioning” forever too. it's strange, though, not really being able to be completely open about it with parents and family and stuff just because they have set views about the way people should go about being (or not being) sexual. it only makes things more confusing. And since I've kind of identified as “hetero” my whole life up until recently, there are still hesitancies that have been imposed upon me by society and family alike.


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Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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I definately know where you're coming from there, Lorelei. When I was about fourteen, I identified as bisexual. However, so many people said I was just 'confused' and wasn't a 'proper' lesbian because I still liked boys that I convinced myself it was just silliness and naiveity. Here I am, almost 24, now identifying as pansexual. [Smile]

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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