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Author Topic: Bisexual? Bi-curious????
copelaa
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To start off, im a 16 year old boy

I have known my whole life that i have been attracted to girls, both emotionally and physically. In 8th grade-10th grade, i liked/loved one girl (first girl i ever truly liked). Every time i passed by her in the halls or spoke to her, my heart would start pounding, and i would fumble with my words and stuff (it was pretty obvious i liked her). I could never stop think about her, and it made me love going to school during those days. She took up a huge part of my life during those years, and i was completely in love

Anyways, after that experience, i knew i was for sure not gay. However, in the past year (11th grade now), it seems that i may have fallen for a boy.... Like the girl, every time i pass him or talk to him my heart starts to race. Every time i make eye contact i freeze for a second before continuing with what im doing. I feel the same way for him as i did for the girl i was talking about earlier. The only difference between this liking/loving, is that i don't have a sexual attraction to the boy, only emotional. I dream about just hugging and kissing him (is kissing considered emotional?), but nothing else/farther. I just want to cuddle with him and talk with him forever (i know that sounds a little childish). But like i said, i have no physical/sexual attraction to him besides wanting to kiss and cuddle.. Can i be in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them? And more importantly, what does this mean about me? Given the facts, is it safe to say im bisexual, cause i know forsure that i really like this kid..

I also have this really big urge just to talk to someone about it. Someone who knows me better than i can explain in a few paragraphs on here. I know that the people i would consider telling would be fine with it, so do you think i should do it? Ive had the urge to tell the boy i like also, but i think that might be taking it too far, considering i dont know if im straight/bisexual.... But i would still like his opinion on the matter. Maybe talk to him about me being bisexual without telling him that hes the one i actually like? Please help, thank you

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Robin Lee
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You can absolutely have nonsexual romantic feelings for someone. The thing with sexual orientation is that it isn't just about what we do (or want to do) but also how we feel, what we fantasize about.

I'm not clear on one thing: Is the boy you have a crush on right now a friend of yours? If so, you could certainly share with him that you've been thinking about your sexuality, and wondering about it.If he's not a closefriend of yours, raising the subject might seem a little strange. [Smile]

I can definitely understand you wanting to share this with someone in your life. Do you have a specific friend in mind that you could share it with, someone who is not part of the situation and whom you think would be willing to talk and would be nonjudgmental.

It's also understandable that this all feels a little disorienting to you. Anothe rthing about sexual orientation is that it's a lot more fluid--changeable--than most people give it credit for.

Take a look at some of these articles if you'd like to learn a little more about that:



[b][url=http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gaydar/the_bees_and_the_bees_a_homosexuality_and_bisexuality_primer]The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer


Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz

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Robin

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copelaa
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Yeah we are friends, but hes not like a super close friend. I have run cross country/track with him for 2 years, and he's in the grade below me.. Hes not one of those friends who i text all the time or hang out with outside of school (except when im running)..

Im like 99% sure that he would accept me if i talked to him about it, although it might be a little awkward. He is a really smart kid and really nice and i dont think it would bother him if i told him i was bisexual. He would probably ask why i am telling him, just because i think he would be surprised that i was telling him and not one of my closer friends about my situation. I have plenty of other friends who would be fine with it, but i seem have this urge just to tell him.. Would it be a bad idea just to talk to him about it, but not tell him that hes the one i like?

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Ohana626
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Hey copelaa, it's funny you should write this, because I'm in exactly the same boat! I'm a girl, and I knew from pre-school that I was definitely not gay, and my entire life has proved that haha. I'm most definitely attracted to boys. However, like you, I started having feelings for a girl, really really emotional, but not sexual. I would get excited when she was around, but not turned on the way I did with guys I've liked. Are you like that too? You'll feel excited and a little nervous and so happy when you're with them, happier than with your other friends, but you don't feel the "turn-on" sexual rush?

I'm not sure what to call it right now either. Sometimes I feel that it might just be a way to keep yourself from feeling too lonely when there is no boy (or in your case girl) that you like, or a safe way to have feelings for someone without fear of rejection because you know it would never happen. (I'm not saying that this is an explanation for you, it's just a thought that I've had milling around involving all this.)

As for telling him, that's up to you. If you're confident that it won't mess up your friendship, and you feel very strongly about telling him, then I say go for it.

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copelaa
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Haha yeah i feel the same way you do. I do get excited and happy, but still a little nervous when im around him. Definitely a different sensation than when im with my other friends. I get a flood of emotions whenever i see him, and he makes me soooo happy. I don't feel anything sexual though, unless hugging/kissing is considered sexual? I think kissing, hugging, cuddling are all more emotional then sexual. What do you think..?

As for telling him that i might be bisexual, i am 99% percent sure he would be okay with it. He's a really smart and nice kid and i feel like he would be a perfect person just to talk to and stuff. I dont know him all that well.. I mean i ran cross country and track with him for 2 years, so we see each other every day during the season, and we spend time together at races and stuff, but hes a grade below me and i think he would be surprised that i chose him to talk to rather than my closer friends. I really have no idea what is urging me to tell him. Maybe i think that by telling him, i would have a deeper relationship with him and we could become better friends out of it? That might be it but i have no idea what these emotions im feeling are..

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copelaa
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I think that he would be a super good friend (or more) to have. I have this huge urge just to tell him everything about myself, my feelings, sexuality, and other problems.. I just want to lie down and cuddle with him sometimes and just forget about everything thats going on.

I know that he likes me as a friend, cause we always smile at each other/make brief conversation in the hallways at school, and we talk during practice. The biggest barrier between us i feel is our grade levels (im 11th grade, hes 10th). Im not so sure what he thinks about having close friends in other grades, since i always see him with other 10 graders. I dont know if he would think its weird that i am telling him all my secrets rather than someone closer in my own grade/friend group. I know that he would be supportive either way, but he would definitely be a little confused as to why i decided to talk to him about it all.. Do you think that its a little weird how much trust i am putting into him? Even though hes not one of my closest friends? UGH IM SO CONFUSED!!!

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Violet1234
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Hi there! Sounds like you have a small dilemma on your hands [Smile] As you are unsure of what to do, I have some advice for you (because I've also gone through situations where I didn't know whether acting on my feelings was right or not- and not always romantic feelings either):

1. Sometimes time can make everything clearer. Obviously if this is something you've been sitting on for a long time, you are probably sure of what you want to happen, but if it's something that's come up only in the last couple of days or so I recommend waiting a week or so to say anything- that way if you change your mind it's no problem.

2. Do you have anyone else you could talk to about your romantic attraction to this boy? Like a non-judgmental person who you are close to who could look at things (like how this boy might react) from an objective view point?

[ 01-28-2012, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: Violet1234 ]

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copelaa
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I dont think time is going to solve any of this, I've been dwelling on this for like 8 months now and its getting unbearable..

I do have other people who i could talk to, but no one i really want to talk to, besides the boy i like.. I have plenty of people who i know would accept me and support me, but i have no urge to reveal myself to them yet..

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Violet1234
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It's just that from what I understand so far, what you are worried about is how the boy will react if you tell him about your feelings for him, right? Correct me if I am wrong please [Smile]

[ 01-28-2012, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: Violet1234 ]

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copelaa
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Well i was planning on just talking to him about how confused i am with my sexuality.. whether its possible to be in love with someone even though i have no sexual attraction for them. Should i be considering myself bisexual even though i have no sexual attraction for another boy? I basically just want to talk to him about his opinion on my whole situation, and depending on how that goes, i could reveal my emotions toward him... I know he would be supportive if i told him i was bisexual, and that he wouldn't make a big deal out of it. However, im not sure what would happen if i told him about my feelings for him.. The last thing i want to do is make him feel uncomfortable...
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Ohana626
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As for whether you should tell this boy or not...have you considered trying to become closer friends first? I understand one concern you have is that he will be confused as to why you're telling him personal things about yourself when you're not that close to begin with. I don't know how things are at your school, but in mine (all girls lol) we don't have a problem having friends in different grades. One of my close friends is in 11th and I'm in 12th. And especially since you have track as something to connect you two, I don't see why he wouldn't be open to being closer to you outside of the sport.
I also agree actually with the thought that he might be confused; not not supportive or uncomfortable by any means, just surprised. So my best bet would be to get a little closer with him as friends before you tell him. But again, I don't fully know the grade situation, so that one is really up to you.

As for your feelings, yeah I understand. And personally, I feel that hugging/cuddling/kissing is more emotional than sexual. I think about kissing this girl that I like all the time, but when it comes to thinking about further...it doesn't turn me on. My problem with these feelings is that I don't know if they're actually romantic, or if they're just strong emotional friendship feelings-like I really want this girl to be closer with me and be really close friends, that kind of thing. I'm not saying that this is what you're feeling though, but it might be a tiny bit of a factor considering the grade level barrier. Just a thought though.

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copelaa
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The main problem with being in different grades is that i don't see him around school very often. We have no classes together, and we don't sit with any of the same friends during lunch.. The only time i really get the chance to talk to him is during practice after school, and track/cross country doesn't start up again until tomorrow. We are about to get off a month long break..

About the feelings, im the same as you. Not really sure whether they're strong friendship feelings, just meaning that i want to become closer friends with him, or if they're romantic feelings. But then again, wanting to kiss him is definitely not normal in friendship feelings is it? I have had other people who i wanted to become closer friends with, but i have never had this many emotions towards one of them..

Since track starts tomorrow, im really gonna make an effort to talk to him and become closer friends before i talk to him about my sexuality..
Ill just talk to him about it whenever i get a good opportunity. I don't really want to make a big deal out of it so ill wait until we are walking alone or something..

You think it would be a bad idea if i was just like "Hey Chris, i know we're not that close of friends or anything, but i seem to really trust you, dont ask my why cause i have no clue. Can i talk to you about something?"

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Violet1234
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I think that's a great idea (getting closer as a friend to him before talking about your sexuality and/or your feelings for him). Because, after all, no matter WHAT age or grade someone is, the best way to know how a person will react is, well, to get to know them [Smile] .

Just to let you know, many people like to label their sexuality into to different spectrums: romantic (love, flowers, gushy films, cuddling, that sort of thing- although everyone's idea of romance IS different) and sexual (when you get turned on). This is totally not how YOU have to define it, it just works for some people.

Under this idea of a spectrum, it's easy to understand what someone means when they say, for example, "I'm romantically attracted to girls and romantically and sexually attracted to boys."

And other people on Scarleteen have also brought up the same thing that you have: feeling only sexual or only romantic feelings for a gender where they didn't have those feeling before, so you are very much not alone.

[ 01-29-2012, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Violet1234 ]

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Ohana626
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I love the idea of you trying to get closer with him. Firstly, it makes it nicer just to be close to someone you like (I completely know that feeling haha I was unbelievably excited when the girl I like and I started talking/hanging out more) It makes things more comfortable when serious stuff like this comes up, and that way besides you knowing better what his reaction will be, he'll know you better as a person too!

Yeah, I mean...for the debate between having romantic feelings for the person or just confused strong friendship feelings...I think if you want to kiss someone that's past friendship. I'm a very cuddly person to begin with, physical touch is important to me in friendships (nothing sexual of course, but like hugging, holding hands, playing with each other's hair, sitting on each other's laps, that such thing). However, when I think of kissing someone it's different. Although I'm cool with all the physical touches I mentioned above with all my friends, there are only about 3 friends who I would be cool kissing, a boy because I find him attractive, and two girls because I find them attractive.

Here's a question (sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to sort myself out while still giving advice to you, I feel really lucky to meet someone who's going through the same thing as me right now haha nobody else seems to get it, including myself): I understand that you're not attracted to this guy sexually, but do you find him attractive? For example, although I am not sexually attracted to the girl I like romantically, I think she's the most beautiful girl in my whole school. And do you always feel that nervousness with him? I'm starting to notice that after getting closer with this girl I like, I'm more comfortable and not very nervous anymore, just really happy, and more cautious of what I say around her because I want her to like me (and I don't want to say or do anything that might be too...much for her haha. I'm a pretty out there person)

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Violet1234
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Hi Ohana! I hope you don't mind me adding this, but I wanted to say that I think it's really great that you are figuring out what your wants mean for you. After all, sexuality isn't one of those one-size-fits-all type things, where there's a specific way someone's supposed to feel in a certain situation. There are infinite definitions and descriptions of people's orientations, and I think that's actually one of the cooler things about being human [Smile] . We're all different, like snowflakes.
quote:
I think if you want to kiss someone that's past friendship.
That said, even though you and Copelaa both feel pretty similar, it's totally fine if some of the details are different. Like, if you define kissing as past friendship and Copelaa doesn't, both of you are right, because both of you are defining what's right for you individually, you know?

[ 01-29-2012, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: Violet1234 ]

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copelaa
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Yeah, im pretty sure now that these are not just friendship feelings, considering i want to cuddle and kiss him, which i dont want to do with any other guy...

As for him being attractive, thats a really tough question and i would probably have a different opinion than a girl.. I seem to think boys are attractive based off on different emotional things. I will never think a boy is attractive, unless i know them emotionally and have actually talked to them before. If i were to type in to google "super hot boys" or something and look at a bunch of pictures, i wouldn't want to kiss or hug any of them. I personally think hes really cute and i guess i would consider him "hot," but i think im a little biased because of how much i am attracted to him emotionally. I have no idea how to compare him to other boy because i dont really look at boys that way, unless im emotionally attracted to them as well. This probably doesn't make sense, as it doesn't make sense to myself either..

He definitely has a nice body though. Hes not one of those huge muscular football type people (really dont see why most girls think muscular football guys are hot..). Hes pretty skinny and kinda short. But he is definitely in shape (hes like #2 varsity and hes only a sophomore).

About the nervousness, my heart definitely starts to beat really hard whenever i see him or start talking to him. But it goes away if im around him for long enough. I'm more cautious when i talk to him for sure, just cause i don't want to say anything stupid. Its like every time we finish talking, i immediately start to analyze everything i said, making sure i didn't say anything he might consider weird. I don't think this nervousness is showing though, like i don't think he notices how nervous i get around him sometimes, which i guess is a good thing

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Ohana626
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Hey Violet, I really appreciate what you're saying. It means a lot to be able to talk here and sort things out, because it's hard to with parents and friends sometimes when you don't fully know yourself what's going on with you yet, and even worse if someone HAS a different understand of sexuality than you and has a different conclusion about your feelings than you do yourself. (I never blame people if that happens because sexuality is so complex that it's hard to grasp other's sometimes)

My roadblock with sexuality is that I was raised in an open environment where I was able to learn about different sexuality, but it was always a part of me to accept only one as the "right" one; as in, if I have feelings for a girl, but I always considered myself straight, and feel comfortable with that label, how can I also desire to kiss and be close with another girl? It's like...I've always been I'm straight, so I feel like I'm lying to myself when I say I have feelings for another girl. I'm afraid it's all psychological to block out feeling lonely all the time (I know you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy lol but it would be nice to have that kind of partner ya know)and the feelings aren't actually real. And then I feel guilty because then I feel like I'm one of those "fake" bi-sexuals, who call themselves that just so they can make out with whoever they want....I also happen to just be a very curious person in general, so I'm afraid that's a contributing factor as well, although I know very well that I wouldn't go out and kiss just any girl, even a friend.

So it's all those feelings jumbled up, so when I found this post, I of course wanted to help Copelaa out with his feelings, but I also wanted to share my own because I was SO happy to find someone who's going through what I am and was able to explain it on here better than I could haha

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Ohana626
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And Copelaa, I understand your viewpoints of attraction. For me, if I like someone, I'm attracted to them. They could be butt-ugly to the rest of the world, and I'd think they were Prince Charming (or Princess haha) I'm exactly the same with the whole "googling" thing. If I'm looking at a famous person or just an internet person in general that I think is attractive, I won't feel turned on because I don't know them, I don't have that emotional connection. (as as for emotional...I've liked guys that I rarely talked to, but I made an emotional connection while watching practice for a school play and seeing how funny they are or something like that lol) And yeah, I don't see why super muscular guys are hot either. A nice medium is best in my opinion lol.

I really think it would be awesome if you two became closer friends. I'm not saying that you should want that nervousness to go away, but after being with him for longer amounts of time, it fades a little. Personally, that's what I like best when you're close with the person you like. You still like them, but you're not nervous around them anymore.

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copelaa
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Yeah im for sure going to make a solid effort to become closer friends with him. He would be a really good friend just to have even if i didnt end up telling him i was bisexual, which i probably will.. The only thing about that is that while i know he would be accepting and supporting, im not sure if he would feel uncomfortable being around me. When i tell him i am going to have to make sure that he knows that it's purely emotional, that while i would kiss another boy who i liked, i wouldnt check them out or wish to go any further then that, which might be kinda of confusing to explain, and hopefully i wouldnt be crying at that point to make it even more confusing lol. But hes really smart so i think he will be really cool about it, and we would probably come out of it as much better friends.

And Ohana, just a quick question, but have you ever told anyone about your feelings for this girl? (besides us obviously).

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Ohana626
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That's great, Copelaa! I really hope everything works out well. And from what I've experienced (three of my friends are gay and all of their friends have been supportive of them, myself included lol) I think that if you're calm about telling him, and if you wait until you two are closer, then everything will be okay.

As for your question...yes, I have. I'm a pretty open person, I tell my friends a lot of things, but this all happened very strangely. Last year was when I started liking her, but I only called it a "girl crush" as in "oh she's so awesome and great and pretty and it would be awesome to get to be her friend!" that kind of thing. And three of my friends knew about this crazy crush I had on her, but they never took it seriously because I never acted like it was serious because it wasn't, really. but near the end of last year things started to change because she and I started getting closer. By the time senior year rolled around, I was definitely not calling it a "girl crush" anymore, but whenever I talked about it (NEVER to her, she has no idea, and my friends never tell either of course) I kept the idea light. It wasn't until recently that three friends of mine (three other friends, the first three I told I stopped talking to so much so they have no idea about any of this) started knowing that it was a little more serious than a silly girl crush. Two of those three friends kind of left it alone because I talked about it in kind of a goofy way, and they're all very cool about things like this so they weren't creeped out. The third friend is gay herself (which thank god our other two girlfriends are chill haha because they're totally cool with her as well) and she, along with my best friend (guy, gay as well lol) are the only ones who know how much I think about this and how serious i consider it now.

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Ohana626
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So ultimately, there are 5 friends who know me to just be a little crazy about this girl, but not in a very serious way, while two friends know everything about it.
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copelaa
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Your so lucky to have friends like that, who are totally ok and arent creeped out when you talk about the girl you like. Not saying that my friends wouldnt be supportive, but they would be a little creeped out if i started talking about how much i liked this boy lol. I wish i had someone i could talk to about both girls AND boys, not just girls. I also have no one else who i know of at my school who is bisexual/gay who i can ask for advice..
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copelaa
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I really dont like having to be alone thinking about him and my feelings for him (except for you guys/girls of course!). Usually, im really open with my feelings for people i like. When i have a crush on a girl, i love talking about my feelings and stuff with my close friends. I really hate not being able to do that now, just because the person i have all these feelings for is another boy..
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Ohana626
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Yes, I am really lucky with that. In general, although I'm sterotyping here, girls tend to be more open with this sort of stuff than guys, only because many girls are more cuddly to begin with ya know? Now of course there are guys like that as well, but I have found more girls who are open to talking about it than guys, although all the guys I know will accept someone who came out to them.

As for having someone...well, my best friend is gay and one of my very very close friends is gay as well so I feel lucky about that, and even though I'm afraid of becoming a "fake" (see my big above post for that whole thing lol) they take what I'm going through seriously and talk to me about it...but I guess that's what this place can be for you! I know it's great to have people close to you that you can talk to, but in times of need here is always a safe place.
And I'm the same, when I like a guy I'm pretty open about it, but the girl..like I said, I brushed it off for awhile, but now that I'm seriously thinking about it, I've only told my two friends about it.

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copelaa
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Haha yeah girls to tend to be more open with this sort of stuff your right. Most guys don't like to share their emotions and like to keep things to themselves (dont know why we do that it feels so good just to talk to people about stuff). When i had a huge crush on this girl for like 2 years from 8th-10th grade, i loved talking about my feelings with my close friends. The people i talked to were kinda surprised on how emotional i was being and how sensitive i apparently was on the subject, so i like to think im a little different in that sense lol.

I know that if i were to talk to some of my close friends about the boy i liked, they would offer advice and stuff, but it wouldnt be the same as if i was talking to them about a girl i liked or something, and thats what im looking for. Someone who i can really talk to about him, and someone who wont feel weird talking about another boy with me

[ 01-29-2012, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: copelaa ]

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Ohana626
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Do you have any girl friends who you could talk to? Continuing with the sterotype lol, girls seem to be more receptive to homosexual things than guys, more open. I'm pretty sure that a girl friend of yours wouldn't mind, if you were willing to be open with her. I know I don't mind when my gay friends talk about guys they like...or when my lesbian friend talks about girls she likes. Lots of girls are cooler with such things than guys I've noticed. (again ,not all guys, and not all girls, just usually lol)
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copelaa
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I have a couple girl friends who i would be willing to talk to, but i doubt any of them really know the kid i like.. There was one girl who i talked to ALOT when i had a crush on that girl for 2 years, so i guess i could talk to her about it. I dont really talk with her very often anymore, but we're still close. I also have some guy friends who i think would be alright if i talked to them about the boy (even though they prolly wont know the boy either). I guess ill just wait and see.. If there is an opportunity for me to talk to any of the people i feel comfortable around, then i will try and talk to them about him. If a chance comes up to talk with the boy i like, i would really like to get his opinion on the whole "I like girls and boys, but i only like boys romantically, not sexually" thing
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Ohana626
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I say chat it up with the girl friend that you feel close with first. I may be baised because I am a girl, but seeing as she listened to you talk about another person you like, I'm sure she'll be cool about this. You think she'd be accepting of you feelings for another guy?
And yeah, if you're comfortable talking to your guy friends about this, I think it would be okay. And as for telling the guy himself...try getting to be better friends first, I don't mean you gotta be best friend just talking and maybe hanging out a little more than you already do, so when such a serious topic comes up he won't think it's strange that you're sharing it with him.

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Also, perhaps when you decide whom you want to talk to, you could let them know your concerns that you've voiced here (ie, wanting to ensure that the conversation wasn't awkward, being able to talk about this in the same way you would if it were a girl you had a crush on).

I know what you mean about not being able to talk in the same way (or really, at all) to friends when you have a crush on someone of the same gender. I really don't talk to my friends about my crushes at all but I am far more likely to have an in depth conversation with them about a guy I like than about a girl I like. (although I suppose that is complicated by the fact that the people I would talk to about the crushes includes the girls I have crushed on).

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copelaa
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Yeah im pretty sure she would be accepting, so i might just go along and do that, unless a better opportunity comes up with one of my guy friends before..

I guess your right i really should wait and become better friends with the boy first. That is unless a super good opportunity comes up, like if he straight up asks me if im gay/bisexual, then of course i will tell him the truth. Unless something like that or similar comes up, ill wait until i feel as if he would be comfortable talking about it with me.

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copelaa
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To moonlight, i will of course let them know of the concerns i have talked about on here, last thing i want is anyone feeling uncomfortable around me or something like that.

And what you said about talking to girls you had previously crushed on, im the same way. I seem to put way to much trust into people i have crushed on. I had been considering talking to a girl who i had liked for quite a while, but had gotten over, but ended up deciding not to because i wasn't sure how trustworthy she was. Even though i personally thought she was, everyone else didnt think she was.

[ 01-29-2012, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: copelaa ]

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moonlight bouncing off water
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(Actually, I didn't mean that I put too much trust in them (although while I liked them I certainly wanted to put a lot of trust in them), I just mean that when I like a girl, it's usually one of my close (well, close-ish, I'm not that good with friendship) friends, who happens to be there when my friends say, so... "who do you like?" So not wanting to tell the girl I like that I like her I just avoid the subject. However only one or two of my guy friends are ever part of those conversations, so I don't ever really have to deal with that when it's a guy I like. )

And I just wanted to note: it might be helpful to frame sexuality as a little less about girls vs guy and more about it being focused on the individual. What I mean is you say that you only feel a romantic attraction to this guy, not a sexual one. It might be easier to look at this indicating that you feel only romantic attraction to this one guy, not to all guys. Of course, that is not to say that that isn't how you feel about all guys, you are the expert on your feelings after all; I mean it more as food for thought. Because so often it can feel like if one feels one way about a person of one gender (or any other grouping) that we must necessarily feel the same way or highly similarly about all the others within that group, but often that is simply not the case. Attraction is about so much more than what is between someone's legs or whether someone puts M or F on a piece of paper, and loads of people don't define their gender based on either of those things, either.

What I'm trying to say is, don't feel like you have to get your orientation figured out right at this moment in order for your feelings to be valid and don't get wrapped up is "I shoulds".

Edit, oh and did you ever get a chance to read those articles that Robin linked you to?

[ 01-29-2012, 07:11 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]

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copelaa
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Yeah i see what you mean. I don't have to define myself to anyone as bisexual if i don't want to. Im attracted to whoever im attracted to, whether it be romantically or sexually, boy or girl. Its just that when i tell someone/if i tell someone about my feelings for this boy, i dont want them to think that i want to have sex with him or anything. I would have to say its purely emotional/romantic feelings. But that doesn't mean i have to define myself to anyone. I dont have to say that im bisexual, just that i am open to romantic relationships with boys, and romantic/sexual relationships with girls. Is that what you were trying to say? That i dont need to define myself to anyone if i dont want to?

Oh and yes i did get to read those articles. I thought they were pretty interesting, and they gave me some ideas of things that i need to make clear if ever want to talk to anyone about my feelings..

[ 01-29-2012, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: copelaa ]

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moonlight bouncing off water
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That's sort of what I meant. Admittedly I'm not 100% on what I mean.

I mean:

* you don't need to define your sexuality, (ie as with a label) to any one including yourself
* you don't need to define your sexuality based on what others have felt in the past or based on how others say you are capable of feeling
*your attraction to this guy isn't necessarily the same as your attraction to all males (ie whether or not you feel sexually attracted to guys at one point or another isn't based off of whether you feel sexually attracted to one particular guy)


Also, as per not being turned on by what you'd get if you typed "hot guys" into google images, I wouldn't be either. What you'd get by doing that is simply some people's perception of what is "hot".

[ 01-29-2012, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]

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copelaa
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I get what you mean with the first 2 asterisks. I dont need to define myself to anyone as to what i am

As for the third thing you said, do you mean that just because i dont feel sexually attracted to this one guy, it doesn't mean that i will never be sexually attracted to any guy? I cant base my attraction on all males based of this one boy? I guess i understand that. Although i know i am romantically attracted to this guy and not sexually right now, that can easily change later in my life.. Or i might find some other guy who i am both romantically and sexually attracted to. I shouldn't be telling myself "Oh i like girls and boys, but i only like boys romantically." If that's what you mean i completely get your point.

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