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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » gay or straight! help!

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Author Topic: gay or straight! help!
husky3924
Neophyte
Member # 50257

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Im 19, male, I went through puberity late...Im not sure if I like women or men..i look at women and men and in my head i say to myself he/she is hot...yesterday I went to a sex show hoping this would tell me if im gay.. i got a lap dance with a chick in a public room with other guys getting it done to them by other chicks, I did not get a hard on.. this is the first time ive seen a chick fully naked and dancing all over me.
Later that night i went out to a night club with friends and I was making out with this chick but i didnt get a hard on either and then we were dirty dancing and i still didnt get a hard on, I backed out on taking her home becuase I dont want to find out if im gay when are both ready to have sex and i dont get a hard on.. I look at male and female porn but i generally feel more attracted to female porn.. also at the sex show a big group(300+) it was more of of were watching the chicks do there strip show and they licking each other out i got a hard on....
Some 1 please help me!!

Posts: 3 | From: australia | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Welcome to ST, husky.

I am sorry to hear that you've been feeling so confused. I think it may help you, as a first step, to move away from trying so hard to figure this out. Where your attractions lie isn't something you can figure out by experimenting like that: after all, one person doesn't represent the whole of their gender, so you not feeling an attraction that woman at the sex show really only means that you weren't attracted to that particular woman. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Instead, I'd suggest that you accept that it's okay to not know for sure. If you absolutely need a label, why not go with "questioning" for now? And just give yourself time to discover your sexuality at your own pace.

This article may help you further:
Q is for Questioning

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
husky3924
Neophyte
Member # 50257

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thank you! this information helps.. il defently be doing the questioning thing hopfully it wont be too long before i figure it out.. il post more and let you know how im going..thanks again!
Posts: 3 | From: australia | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
husky3924
Neophyte
Member # 50257

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im not sure how to put this.. If i do not masturbate before i go to sleep i find myeslf waking up in the middle of the night and having a pull.. but i dont cum but when im doing this i also think about women and not perticually hot women just the 1's i feel for a bit more in my social life... I do not feel this way about men or think about sleeping with men in my dreams..But when im up and about i "perv" at women and men.. But how come when i was dirty dancing and making out with this chick I didnt get a hard on? I did consume alot of alcohol that night but i find that helps me relax and gives me more confidence. Do i have intimate problems?
Posts: 3 | From: australia | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Graphite
Neophyte
Member # 50283

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Hey there husky.
One thing that's helpful when you're thinking about your own sexuality is that just because a person is attracted to women as a general category doesn't mean they'll necessarily be attracted to any single specific woman. It sounds like you perhaps weren't attracted to the girl you were dancing with, but that really doesn't mean anything about your sexuality at large, since it only has to do with your attraction to a single person in a single situation.

Maybe she's not for you; maybe you're more attracted to people you feel more strongly for and know a bit better (like the girls from your social circle you mentioned); maybe you don't find dirty dancing a turn on. The sex show situation sounds like one where you put a lot of pressure on yourself to feel attraction to women, so it's not surprising that you might have been a little nervous, and that would have made responding sexually to the situation difficult. In addition, sex shows can feel pretty artificial and strange for a lot of people, and it can feel "forced", like you absolutely ought to be feeling sexual because of the situation, which can be a huge turn off - you may find that you feel more sexually comfortable and connected in a less constructed, more friendly setting, like alone with a girl you like, or fantasizing.

There's this silly idea that goes around a lot about straight men, the idea that they have to always be turned on in any situation where they're in close proximity to an attractive woman, especially in a sexual context. Many people - even straight men, who are stereotypically meant to be perpetually horny - find that they just don't work that way, and that's fine.

As far as "perving" on guys and girls goes, you could be attracted, or you could be just appreciating them aesthetically, or anything in between - you know better than we do, and it's something you can explore further. As September said, it's totally ok not to have a definite answer, to be questioning.

Posts: 3 | From: Australia | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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