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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Exploring same-sex attraction?

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Author Topic: Exploring same-sex attraction?
ruddy_duck
Neophyte
Member # 48014

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I am a straight-ish female, and I really want to explore my attraction to women. I have fantasized about women, even intensely, and although my attraction has flowed in and out of my life, I know that it is in some way a part of me. My boyfriend is okay with this as long as I tell him about it, but I don't know how to go about it. I would never, say, have a drunken makeout session in a bar, because I feel like doing that would just be part of an insincere performance for men. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask any of my female friends, because I don't want to creep them out. But I also don't want to meet up with a stranger, as that would creep ME out and be generally unsafe. On top of all that, I feel like the fact that I have a boyfriend would deter anyone from being interested in me, which makes me start to wonder whether anyone else would be interested in me regardless of my relationship status, which hurts my self-esteem, and so on.

It's not like I want to jump to some sort of sexual extreme or high-risk at this point. Really, I just want to be intimate, maybe cuddle with or kiss another woman. I might want to go farther one day, but for now, I just would like to have an enjoyable experience like this, just to express intimacy with another person I care about, without a relationship.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks for reading [Smile]

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"To free yourself is to exist."
-Augusto Boal

Posts: 13 | From: The Midwest | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It might help to think of this as not being different than however you pursue any kind of dating or sexual relationships with men.

Know what I mean?

In other words, what are the ways you have sought out or met male partners you've felt comfortable with?

The fact that you're already with a partner certainly always limits dating options: some people just aren't comfortable with poly situations, but other people are, and some people even prefer them for a host of reasons.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ruddy_duck
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Member # 48014

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Hmmm...good point. I've only had two boyfriends, though, one of which was my good friend and the other just sort of happened out of sheer luck. I've never really "pursued" men, so to speak. Being in college, too, it seems that the main way that people meet other people is in skeezy bars or at parties, which isn't my style at all, especially considering that I don't drink.

Maybe, for that reason, it's better to just wait and see what happens.

--------------------
"To free yourself is to exist."
-Augusto Boal

Posts: 13 | From: The Midwest | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bars or parties are certainly one way of meeting people, but not the only way. And unless the bar or party is quiet, they can be not the best way because it's hard to get a sense of someone else when you can't hear a word they're saying. [Smile]

Any of the ways you have met boyfriends are the same ways you could meet girlfriends, ultimately. But if you also want to branch out and add new ways of meeting people, period, that's also an option. If you're in college, does your college have any GLBTQ community groups? If so, sounds like that'd be a good resource for you anyway. but it's also one way to meet new people for potential dating.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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