Okay, so its been a very long time since I have been around......I used to come here for help when I was in high school.....
Now I'm all growing up, no matter how hard I try to stop it, and in my third year of university. I've recently had Asperger's syndrome added to my list of problems and started a whole new life in the medical "What's wrong with this child" world.
Around the beginning of last year, at a friends party I got a little to drunk and made out with one of my bi-friends, competed in a deep throating contest, and got naked and danced in front of a bunch of metro/gay guys. That started the whole months following of going to House Music Clubs and what not, dating men online.....
Now its the present and a while back, about two months, I came out to my mother, aunt, and grandma, as bisexual. My aunt who is very young and politically correct, works with autistic children.....was completely fine. However my grandmother and mother started to bawl and cry and threaten to get my grandfather and uncles to beat me, and threaten to stop supporting my school finances, and we didn't talk for a month when I went back to the city.
The problem is I'm confused, I like the new me....I don't really feel "love" or "lust" but I don't feel so awkward with other men. Also the gay men that I have been with so far (only online, cause in real life I'm not ready to bring a man to the family christmas dinner) make me content, and I for some reason feel I can understand their non-verbal cues better. Usually I am missing 70% of the conversation but sometimes it doesn't feel that way with other guys.
I don't know what to do, I went back home a few weeks ago by getting a ride with my friends, but my grandmother and mother were still sore. And logically that confuses me, I have never shown an interest in women or men till now. And although when I look at them I don't think "Oh my, I love [insert name]" I think "They aren't that annoying and don't bother me about how they feel"....not to mention I do like the male......shape?......better......I don't know, its seems like they are over-reacting, I mean they had called me "Faerie" all my life, and "Twinkle toes" and even sent me to school one day with ribbons in my hair...you think they wouldn't really care...but they are old fashion. I think I'll go see the university psychologist today, but they open later and its only six...been having trouble sleeping...
I should add that their arguments are all revolving around their religion, which I long ago denounced my faith in. Strict baptists as they are, keep repeating that I am going to hell, and that there is no place in heaven for "faggots". Not to mention they also argue that I should be producing offspring. I've countered that with "but I have faulty genetics" and tried to explain that my many psychological disorders could be caused by genetic pre-dispositions. Nonetheless they continue to spew about their magical hocus-pocus god, I'm about at my wits end, I've been thinking of playing the same game and using the quotes from "What would Jesus Do" to prove that the lord would accept and love all equally, especially if this is how I was born.
Also I got a tattoo, being strict Baptists my family didn't like that...we are still fighting over that....I'd like to get past our differences and be able to get along again, as of yesterday we all have to be in a wedding this friday and I just don't see how that will go with them glaring at me, while I am the Usher.
Well thats about it....Oh! One more thing to add! It just seems like I fit better in the gay/bi community, online and in the real world, I'm not making my sexuality my life, I still focus on my school and hang out with the Electronic Gaming Organization, but I get WAY more compliments and the such when I go to the gaybar instead of Trappers (the very dirty sportsbar lol)
-------------------- ""I believe everyone has at least one skill that they excel in over all others. Its something that defines who they are." - chaos @ Xenosaga Posts: 28 | From: Guelph, Ontario | Registered: Nov 2005
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Electro: I'm really sorry about the reaction of most of your family. If you want some links per being LGBT and faith to pass on to them, I'd be glad to give you some places to get started. Not sure they'll do anything, but you never know, and at the very least, resources like that can allow you to answer to reactions like that with a simple, "Not all people of faith agree with what you are saying."
What else can we do for you?
Given your background, chances are you probably didn't have the best sex ed, so I also want to make sure you know how to keep yourself safe with sex. For instance, you know oral sex presents possible STI risks, yes?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 66629 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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