Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I'm..confused... :(

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: I'm..confused... :(
bluebird
Neophyte
Member # 47171

Icon 5 posted      Profile for bluebird     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Alright,well...this is my first post here,so,um..yeah.. ^^ This is kind of long,by the way...

I'm kind of confused about...well,alot of things. First of all,this isn't exactly a 'I don't know if I'm attracted to guys,girls or both!?!' question. It's...kind of different. So,I will start with some things about me,and then try my best to work from there.

First of all,I'm female. I'm a virgin,and I want to remain that way for quite a while. Ever since...well..ever since I can *remember*,I've had a fetish. It's a pretty common one. It's BDSM related. ... Spanking has *always* been able to turn me on. The thought of being spanked by a guy is just...the ultimate turn on for me. I also get kind of turned on by dominance and submission in general... I love the idea of a guy acting like my father.Being kind and gentle and loving,but also strict and authoritarian... Bondage doesn't really turn me on all that much,though,for some reason. I feel like this is more than just...a sexual thing for me. It's funny,but sometimes I wish I *didn't* have a fetish..just so that I could experience..um..the real thing. With no...sexual arousal or anything. Although,that's only because all the emotions and feelings that are related to my fetish seem so..appealing to me. I feel like...I don't know,it would all seem really fake,otherwise... *God,I'm sorry. This must be so hard to understand!*

I'm not really naturally submissive. I mean,I tend to be a bit timid around other people that I don't know well,and I often go to slightly ridiculous measures to please them. But that's only because I want them to like me. (It's my sort of pathetic way of trying to be accepted) And I'm also just a bit shy. But I do really have a bit of a dominant personality. I hate being told what to do by other people Weirdly,I'm also a bit sadistic. Not in a sexual way. There's just something about being in control..having power over somebody..that makes me feel euphoric. It makes me laugh. Yet at the same time,the thing that turns me on is being submissive.

Once,a few years ago I think,I was at school,in a physics lesson. And I was with my partner,(who I didn't like all that much.) and he suddenly started telling me what to do. Like,ordering me around. I think he was just trying to piss me off. And,yeah,he succeeded. But I also felt kind of turned on. I mean,the feeling of annoyance was stornger. Maybe if he'd been a little better looking,and a bit less annoying,I would have felt more turned on [Big Grin]

...

And once when I was maybe 4 or 5,I was at my friends house. And we were in her parents bedroom. And there was bamboo in the room...for decoration I think. And I suddenly asked her to hit me with it XD So I literally lay on the bed,with no shirt,while she tried to comply with my request. ... She didn't hit me hard enough,though. She was too nice. I feel bad for making her do that to me..I mean..it must have been quite a disturbing experience. That was the only time I ever did anything like that,though.

I used to have a wider range of fantasies when I was younger. More..well..violent,in a way. I mean,the thought of being..badly beaten would really get me going. It's become a little less extreme,now. Well,alot less extreme,actually. I think I went through a period of...hating myself,because I didn't actually know that there were other people like me. I thought I was just weird. I didn't know about fetishes. I thought I was weird because I masturbated. I thought I was a bad,sick,twisted person. So..that was a painful time for me. I buried all my desires,and fantasies,and tried to ignore them. And I succeeded,for a while. Just under a year. But then...my fetish came back. It didn't seem to turn me on as much as it used to,though. So..I think maybe because of that,my fetish is..a slightly toned down version of what it used to be. And,to be honest,I don't mind it anymore. I'm even happy to have it!

One problem is that..nothing else seems to turn me on. I can't get turned on by guys or girls. I mean,occasionally,I feel something. A very little something. So,I feel sad about that. It's like,I don't *have* a sexual orientation. I mean,I can get turned on by the thought of being dominated by a girl,although not in the same way...it's not quite as strong of a feeling. I'm pretty sure I'm bi,if I'm anything. But...I just feel like..I won't ever be able to find love,because all that interests me is my fetish...

I seem to like guys who are slightly..feminine,actyually. Not that they dress in girls clothes,or anything as big as that. I just like them to have...beauty. Delicate facial feautures. Long eyelashes. Quite full lips. Long,slender fingers. An athletic body is kind of nice,though XD (Maybe that's what most straight members of the female sex want...haha) But it's strange,how that is what seems to interest me,and yet I really want a dominant guy. Oh,well. I guess not all dominant men have to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger XD

I'm sort of repulsed by the idea of sex,really. I mean..er..genitals..are really not..all that attractive are they?


So...anyway...what I'm saying here (if you read all of this,you deserve a medal) is...

Would you say it was possible for someone who *isn't* naturally submissive to...be the way I am? I mean,is it normal for someone who is kind of dominant to... want to be dominated?

And is it possible for someone who isn't truly submissive to...be 'a submissive'?

And how about if someone is non-sexually sadistic? I mean,how crazy would that be? A submissive sadist?

Also,why does nothing else turn me on? What's wrong with me? Will I never find out my true sexual identity?

Ugh...why is it that everything I say always ends up making no sense?


(Oh,God...I just read through all that and I am now very embarassed. And very turned on.)


Anyway...Thank you! [Smile] Oh,and...I'm sorry if anything I've said here has offended anyone. I have a bad habit of being unintentionally offensive with my first post in a forum...

[ 05-23-2010, 07:50 AM: Message edited by: bluebird ]

Posts: 2 | From: Somewhere... | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Activist
Member # 39174

Icon 1 posted      Profile for May Day     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi there! Welcome to the boards!

To start with, having a dominant personality and then finding an attraction to sexual submission is well heard of. It's common enough for people in positions of power daily to find switching in sexual situations very appealing.
It may also work well in your favour: communication, trust and boundaries are very VERY important in bdsm situations. Subs and Doms have to be vocal with each other about hard limits.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. Fetishes exist. Have you seen this? : http://midwestteensexshow.com/ -They have an excellent episode on fetishes, which you might find helpful.

Also, your "true" sexual identity is the one you're living:) Sexualities are pretty fluid, one thing that's a big part of your life now might not always be.. or might always be. You might find that you're only interested in bdsm playing and *that* plays a big part in *your* definition of sex. Later on, other things might become important too and you'll include them. Sex doesn't need to be defined by genital inclusion:P

Erm.. others i'm sure will have stuffs to add:)

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluebird
Neophyte
Member # 47171

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bluebird     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by May Day:
Hi there! Welcome to the boards!

To start with, having a dominant personality and then finding an attraction to sexual submission is well heard of. It's common enough for people in positions of power daily to find switching in sexual situations very appealing.
It may also work well in your favour: communication, trust and boundaries are very VERY important in bdsm situations. Subs and Doms have to be vocal with each other about hard limits.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. Fetishes exist. Have you seen this? : http://midwestteensexshow.com/ -They have an excellent episode on fetishes, which you might find helpful.

Also, your "true" sexual identity is the one you're living:) Sexualities are pretty fluid, one thing that's a big part of your life now might not always be.. or might always be. You might find that you're only interested in bdsm playing and *that* plays a big part in *your* definition of sex. Later on, other things might become important too and you'll include them. Sex doesn't need to be defined by genital inclusion:P

Erm.. others i'm sure will have stuffs to add:)

Hi ^^ Thanks for replying [Smile] (I wonder,should I quote your post or not? o_o I'm still trying to work out the...etiquette..here [Razz] ) That's a good point about the limits and everything. I guess if someone was completely and utterly submissive...they could have passed their limit...and be practically dying inside,but not actually say anything. So,in a way it's actually *safer* to be kind of dominant in 'real life' ...(You just said that,didn't you? XD)

Thanks for the link*takes a look*

@ the last thing you said (Well...not the very last thing..but.. ... the thing before the very last thing XD) ... I never thought of it that way. That makes me feel way better (:

Anyway,thank you for the reply. It was really helpful!

[ 05-23-2010, 07:54 AM: Message edited by: bluebird ]

Posts: 2 | From: Somewhere... | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not entirely sure what you think of personally when you think of "normal" turn ons, but in reality, they're just wide spread fetishes. (I'm not sure if that makes sense to other people). What I mean is that not every one finds the same things attractive. "Normal" turn ons are just stereotypes and, like all stereotypes, while some people do fit the bill, the majority of people do not. You should not try to change anything about yourself, fetish, or otherwise, to fit the "norm". Normal is just a setting on your washing machine (to borrow a quote from my friend).

Please note: I may not have been articulate enough, it is late at night and I can no longer judge what will be clear to others. I will clarify in the morning.

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3