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Author Topic: Feeling Confused
Brassgirl
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Hi everyone,

I recently (about a month and a half ago) ended a 2 and 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend. I ended it for a lot of different reasons, none of which had anything to do with my orientation.

Ever since then, I feel like I've been really attached to my girl friends. I'm not sure if this is just part of moving on from this breakup, but I feel like I want to get more emotionally and physically close to one or two of them.

It's hard to explain... I'm not having any sexual feelings/fantasies towards them, but, I feel attracted to them in a way that I can't quite explain.

I'm trying to sort all of these brand new feelings out, and am having trouble.

Does anyone have any thoughts as to how I can sort this out? Thanks so much.

Posts: 41 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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If those feelings doesn't resemble what you know and have experienced as sexual feelings towards others in the past, they're probably not sexual feelings.

Wanting to be very close to friends is...well, usually wanting to be very close to friends. I can't speak for you, but I'm a very physical person, so I tend to be physically as well as emotionally close to my closest friends of all genders: we hug, we cuddle, we hold hands sometimes, etc. Even as a bisexual person, often those feelings aren't sexual feelings for me: wanting to be physical doesn't mean the same thing as wanting to be sexual. Know what I mean?

Is there a reason you feel like you need to know why you want to get closer to your friends, or why you're asking about it per orientation?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Brassgirl
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Thanks so much for the quick response!

I just, feel like I need to know because it's such a change for me. Like, wanting to be physically close with my friends is a huge change from how I've felt in the past. I guess I'm entertaining the possibility that I'm bisexual, but I'm not sure if it's a reasonable thought or not.

Does that make sense? I have trouble sorting out my thoughts about this stuff. I'm 21 years old, if that makes any difference.

Thank you again!

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Heather
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You know, there are people who at 10 (I was one of those, even though I didn't have the language for it) know their orientation and turn out to be right through life, there are people who are 60 and who are still trying to figure it out. There's really no age for any of this.

Sometimes if we go through something tough with friends who are there for us, it can bring us closer. Too, how we are with friends at one stage of life or one stage of a friendship may not be how we always are.

Like I said, if you've had sexual feelings for people before, you're going to have some idea of what that feels like, and how it's different from say, wanting to hug or cuddle. If this doesn't feel sexual to you, it probably isn't, but even if it turns out in time that it does, that's okay, too. It may be something you just need to let marinate for a while.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Brassgirl
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Those are really great advice and thoughts. They're going to help me a lot, and put my mind at ease a little bit. Thank you so much for sharing them with me! I hope you have a great night!
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Heather
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You too! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67118 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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