Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Looking back I realize.....

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Looking back I realize.....
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As I am realizing my sexual orientation I am looking back on my life before I had the first idea I might be a lesbian or bisexual and if I had paid enough attention I might have figured it out a little earlier. Does anyone have stories like this?

I have one. I was just remembering a dream I had, I dreamed that I had sex, at first it was this guy coming towards me, but then all of a sudden he was a girl. I think I liked the idea but I stifled it because I thought it was wrong.

Anyone have stories?

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 863 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
branphlake
Neophyte
Member # 35071

Icon 1 posted      Profile for branphlake     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think it's very hard to look back into the past and say "these were the signs, I should've known!," because you are often so young and haven't sexually matured. I can remember looking back and reminiscing on moments that "changed the tides" for me and opened new doors. Those are very special and I'll always cherish them, but I think everyone remembers some point in their life when they might have gone, "hey, I'm a bit different than everyone, why is that?" YOu know?
Posts: 23 | From: Boulder, CO | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vshanti
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 43159

Icon 1 posted      Profile for vshanti     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi, moonlight!

I can relate-- when I first came out, after graduating from high school, I started remembering past instances when I've experienced same-sex attraction (for example, my crush on an older jazz dance teacher, and crushes on female celebrities). At the time, I didn't define those feelings as explicitly sexual (I remember writing "I swear I'm not a lesbian!" in my diary when I was eleven), but I remember feeling pretty confused and like I wasn't "normal," exactly.

It can be tempting to recreate this narrative of the past where instances neatly lead to "coming out." The stories we tell about ourselves, our own lives, can be powerful. What do these past memories, stories and/or instances mean to you? What do they represent? How did you interpret them at the time, and how has that interpretation changed now that your self-identification has shifted?

--------------------
Vanessa

I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe...
I do, I do, I do.


Posts: 140 | From: Montreal | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
One thing I often notice, looking back both at myself, and also hearing the narratives of other GLB folks, is that often those childhood friendships some of us had that felt SO life-or-death, where we were SO loyal, SO attached to our friends, where being separated from them felt SO scary or awful, were either absolutely or possibly like that because those were romantic feelings we were having, not just platonic-friendship feelings.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68208 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vshanti
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 43159

Icon 1 posted      Profile for vshanti     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh, Heather, I totally agree. When I was young, I had a best friend named Brooke that I was so, so, so attached to. We used to spend all our time together. Once, she suggested playing a game where we would bring our faces close together and quickly kiss. I loved it, but I was afraid to say so. When we both grew up and she decided to end our friendship because I wasn't "cool" enough, I was heartbroken. Looking back, it seems like more than "just" platonic friendship-feelings were at play, at least on my end...

--------------------
Vanessa

I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe...
I do, I do, I do.


Posts: 140 | From: Montreal | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hater
Neophyte
Member # 45894

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hater     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There was this one girl I was friends with (she was a bitch... still is) and we used to kiss (on the mouth) to experiment, but just lips. No opening of mouths... Anyway. I thought nothing of it and now, thinking back, I dunno... I find it kind of weird though that I didn't think about it before..... Maybe I did and I don't remember anymore. I dunno! I wonder if she thinks about it...? I wonder if she'll use it against me somehow in the future?!?! OH NOES!!!

--------------------
"Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter."
~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzche

Posts: 29 | From: Maryland | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey there! It's actually very common for people to "experiment" or "explore" their sexuality while growing up by kissing or even having sex (by this I mean, manual sex, oral sex, etc.) with same-sex friends, regardless of how they identify their sexual orientation later on.

I would certainly hope she doesn't use this experience against you: she probably won't, because it's a private thing AND revealing she had done it would mean people knowing she was involved, too? Of course it's perfectly fine to make out with your friends like this but if she means it's something "bad," then she probably wouldn't talk about it it others. And also all types of people are queer, from the so-called popular cheerleader type to the shy goth girl (to borrow some stereotypes, oh my!) And let's be careful about using the term "bitch." [Razz]

Here are some articles you may be interested in:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_it_normal_for_girls_to_experiment_with_sex_together_when_theyre_not_lesbian
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_attraction_to_the_same_sex_really_okay

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hater
Neophyte
Member # 45894

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hater     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Myokay!

--------------------
"Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter."
~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzche

Posts: 29 | From: Maryland | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3