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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » straight...i think?!

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Author Topic: straight...i think?!
Member # 16219

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This is kind of an awkward topic to bring up, mostly because I don't really know how to articulate it properly.

I am female, twenty-one, and have always been attracted to guys. When having sex, though, thinking about doing it with a girl allows me to get off in, like, a fraction of the time that it would take me get off if I had only a dude in mind.

The thing is, when I am out and about - in class, on the bus, with friends, at the mall, etc. - I do not find women particularly attractive. I mean, I know what *I* think a pretty face looks like, but I am not physically *attracted* to women in the way that I am physically attracted to men. And yet (and this is the wierd thing), I can actually see myself settling into a relationship with a girl. It's not like the skies opened up and I had a sudden epiphany about it; the idea sort of developed organically and unconsciously, and now, it just sits there as another vision of my future, like having kids, or finally getting my B.Sc.

Am I less than straight? Reading back over my post, it feels like it should seem obvious to me that I am, but I don't know. The whole thing just puzzles me endlessly. :|

Posts: 10 | From: Pacific Northwest | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I think sometimes people don't realize that there are varying kinds of attraction.

For instance, finding someone to be aesthetically pleasing or interesting is not the same thing as being sexually attracted to someone. As well, people can have intimate relationships which are not sexual, even lifelong, family-type partnerships without a sexual or romantic relationship.

Our fantasies can give us some cues, but what they don't tell us about are our realities. hen it comes to orientation, it's something we tend to find out more and more about over time, with our different life experiences, and which we mostly have to trust our gut feelings with.

So, what do your guts say? [Smile]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35071

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Also, have you ever considered you might just be dating or having sex with the wrong guys? I figured this out a while ago that, if I'm with someone who I'm not particularly "into," then reaching an orgasm becomes that much harder. Maybe your thoughts are drifting to women, because it makes you feel more comfortable in a situation where you don't feel that comfortable? Or it could totally be a fetish/fantasy thing you may be comfortable exploring with the right people later in life?

[ 01-04-2010, 04:34 AM: Message edited by: branphlake ]

Posts: 23 | From: Boulder, CO | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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