Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I soooo confused!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: I soooo confused!
AnonymousChick88
Neophyte
Member # 45818

Icon 9 posted      Profile for AnonymousChick88     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Recently, I was in class one day, and some guy comes up to me and goes, "Are you gay?" I was a really shocked at first, and immediately said no. But truthfully, I'm really not sure WHAT I am. When I was younger, I had this best friend who I always hung out with. And I tried to just kind of brush it off, but I remember having dreams about kissing her and how it would feel. Sometimes, I even find myself daydreaming about other girls, or unknowingly checking them out when talking to friends. And there's this one girl in a class I take, and she sits at my table with a bunch of other girls, and she makes me feel so.....weird I guess. I get nervous when she's around me, but at the same time, I always hope that she'll be in school that day so I can see her. But, the thing is, I think some guys are cute too, and I've had crushes on them before.

I wish I could express the way I'm feeling to my parents, but I'm sooo scared. I remember this one remark my mom made to me once when I was little, and we were watching the news on how someone "came out of the closet", and she was all like, "If you EVER do something stupid like that, you're outta here." And, I just don't know who to talk to about the way I'm feeling, or what to do. I want my parents to love me and be proud of me. I'm just really scared and confused right now.

--------------------
"Life is a parade of fools. And I am at the front of it, twirling a baton." -Brother Odd

Posts: 14 | From: Florida | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi AnonymousChick88, welcome to Scarleteen. [Smile]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so confused right now: it's really OK even if it can feel really tough-- I understand that! It does sound like you may well be attracted to women but that's really something that only you can determine; that said, there's no need come out to anyone until you feel ready. What your mom said is pretty rough: I absolutely believe that you're someone your parents can love and be proud of, regardless of sexual orientation. You're welcome to talk here and we can help connect you with some in-person resources. However, I'd recommend holding off on any conversations with your parents about this for now based on what your mom said when you were little. We want to keep you safe, first and foremost.

I'm going to link some articles: we can talk more after you check them out, because they have a lot of good general information. [Smile]
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz
Living without Labels

Also, how do you feel about the guy having asked you? Did it feel positive? Did you feel it was well-intentioned or pressure or what not? Because while it can be cool to talk about this stuff, it's also not cool for random people to put you on the spot like that!

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AnonymousChick88
Neophyte
Member # 45818

Icon 1 posted      Profile for AnonymousChick88     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you, I'm glad to have someone to talk to. =) And I'll make sure I check out those articles listed.

As for the guy who asked me, it felt like he was just curious. I don't think he meant it to try and pressure me or anything. It was just so shocking and random though, and I didn't know what to say.

--------------------
"Life is a parade of fools. And I am at the front of it, twirling a baton." -Brother Odd

Posts: 14 | From: Florida | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Too, if you want to talk to your parents again, know that one safe way can be to ask about bisexuality and homosexuality in general, rather than asking about it in terms of you, specifically.

For instance, you might be able to say to your mother, "The other day I was remembering this thing you said a while back about someone coming out that really bothered me. I was bothered, because I thought 'What if I was gay? Would my mother not accept me?'" ...and then take things from there.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hello again! It's good to hear from you again: yes, we're glad to keep talking about this, and if I'm not around, someone else can help, too. [Smile]

It's always up to you in terms of how you answer such a personal question: when someone asks me a none-of-your-business! question (and it's not a friend, which is another story), I tend to have two reactions. If I feel comfortable sharing, like because I think the person seems genuine--they may even be in the same boat or I feel my response could be "educational"-- I might answer truthfully but without much detail. However, generally I'll turn it around and say something like, "My! That's a personal question!" or "Why are you asking?" or "I can't believe you asked me that?!" Apparently when I was in high school and college, some people speculated a great deal about my sexual orientation behind my back; it didn't bother me so much because I have a pretty thick skin but it's really never appropriate for people to assume or ask anything. (If they're interested in dating me, they can ask directly and even if I'm attracted to their gender, doesn't mean I'd necessarily be attracted to them. [Razz] It sounds like you handled that one well, but if you'd like ideas should it ever come up again with him or someone else. [It's something minor but important; I was thinking about this when I shoveling snow earlier tonight and wanted to bring it up again. [Wink] ]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AnonymousChick88
Neophyte
Member # 45818

Icon 1 posted      Profile for AnonymousChick88     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you guys very much! I might try that with my mother too, if I get up enough courage. And thanks again for responding to me [Smile]

oh, and how exactly do I respond to someone? I do I just keep posting like I'm doing?

--------------------
"Life is a parade of fools. And I am at the front of it, twirling a baton." -Brother Odd

Posts: 14 | From: Florida | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yep! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3