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Author Topic: please help me i am confused
adviceplease
Neophyte
Member # 43837

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I am sexually attracted to girls I am 14 but when i see gay porn i get an erection and i always have an urge to suck penis and get sucked by a man am i gay? or is this normal?
Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Bear in mind there are more orientations that just gay and straight: most people in the world actually fall somewhere in the middle. Many people are also bisexual, and many people who identify as heterosexual or homosexual don't feel exclusively so.

EVERY sexual orientation is normal: there's nothing not-normal about being a given orientation. But in the teen years, it's typical for people to just start feeling out and thinking about their orientation, so you don't have to try and figure yours out just right now. You can give it time, and see how you feel about men and women in real life as the years go by, rather than just with pornography.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
adviceplease
Neophyte
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so am i gay? or bi? i think anal sex is disgusting i wouldnt want a relationship just blowjobs but women i would love a real relationship.
Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You might not always feel the same about anal sex (which, by the by, isn't just something men do with men, and some men who sleep with men don't engage in anal sex, either), but how you feel about anal sex doesn't have anything to do with your sexual orientation. Just FYI, calling any given sexual activity disgusting here just isn't okay.

As well, when it comes to what you said about men and relationships, this piece may be of use: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_bisexual_so_why_dont_i_feel_exactly_the_same_about_men_and_women

Someone external can't tell you what your orientation is. Only you can figure that out for yourself.

While some people know what that is at 14, for most, that's just too early. We tend to figure out what our orientation is over time by observing our feelings over the years, seeing who we pursue sexual/romantic relationships with, and then sussing out how we feel.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
adviceplease
Neophyte
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yes but in your experience what do most people in my situation tend to come out as?
Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I wouldn't say there is any one result I see with that. But overall, one thing we do know in sexology is that what people like in pornography and in real life can tend to be very different things. Pornography, and your response to it, just isn't usually the most accurate place to get a sense or your orientation from. Real life and the feelings you have in your own guts are.

What I have seen over the many years is that young people who question their orientation often do so for some time, sometimes deciding on one identity for one period of time, then trying on another until they land where they feel they best fit. I also see plenty of young people at the current time who feel like a label for their orientation is either a drag or just not something they want or need.

But it sounds to me like you're basing most of these feelings on fantasy -- in porn, or people you like but haven't had interpersonal relationships with -- more than in real life, and with real-life experience. And it's going to be tough to get a good read on your orientation right now if that's the case.

No one has to "come out" as anything, ever, or before they have the life experience, and years to have really thought about their feelings, to feel comfortable doing so. You should also know that "questioning" is another label some people use to describe the kind of space you're in right now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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