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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » How do you know when you're gay?

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Author Topic: How do you know when you're gay?
Member # 35244

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I got in trouble for posting too much awhile back. I took a breather of about a year, and well, I still have a lot of the same questions. I have been talking to a counselor though (at least as much as I have time for) and my thinking on some issues has evolved a little bit.

I haven't had sexual contact of any kind with anyone in that year, partially because I haven't met anyone I've liked, partially because I'm just generally anxious after my last experience, and partially because I wish I could get my own mental issues sorted out before trying to get involved with someone.

I'm still questioning my sexuality, in a lot of ways.

When I think about making out, well, both men and women are appealing. And I've certainly enjoyed making out with men.

When I think about pleasing another person sexually (like below the belt) then the idea of doing that to a woman is attractive, and the idea of doing that to a man is not.

When I have fantasies in my head involving men, they involve me being very submissive and like, not moving. The times I've been with a man in real life, I felt no sort of compulsion to touch him very much, when I did it it was just sort of b/c I knew it was the right thing to do. When I imagine doing things with women, I think I'd feel comfortable being much more assertive, and doing a wider variety of things. I also find a far larger number of women than men to be somewhat physically attractive.
And when I cuddle girls like friends or whatever, well, I could easily imagine doing other things.

But if we're talking pure fantasy which for me is nothing like a common give-and-take sexual experience most people expect, I definitely gravitate more towards men, especially very beautiful men like movie stars.

I've noticed there are some homosexuals, like Dan Savage, for whom a general feeling of repulsion to the opposite sex's body seems to be part of their feeling of being gay.

What is it for most people, do you think, that lets them know they're gay? How do their physical feelings towards the body of the opposite sex compare with their feelings towards bodies of their own sex.

Posts: 207 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35244

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I guess maybe it's worth mentioning too, that as I've gotten older my interest in guys IN GENERAL seems to be waning. I don't initiate contact with them as much. I don't tend to look for guys to be new friends as much as I do with girls. And I'm not as sexually curious about specific guys I actually know as I used to be. I'd say this has been an increasing pattern over several years. I think cultural stuff has something to do with that -but maybe for a lot of gay people it actually does?
Posts: 207 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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