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Author Topic: Help...am i?
skatergirl1989
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So i think a brief background check maybe needed to give u an idea:

*ive always been a tom-boy
*i used to have and still do (some quite constant now) crushes on same sex .
*I also have crushes on opposite sex jst not as.... powerful?
*But i also have a boyfrend and have a had a feww of them too!
*when i catch a glimpse of porn or anyting i dont go wow i have the reaction of more....why wud sum1 watch this?


thats prettty much it, i think i really like this girl. i dont know if shes gay. i have a boyfriend i don treally knwo what to do cuz hes a lovely guy and i like him. But this girl? i dunno i like her, and i havent really felt this way with a guy before u know? this is more thinking about them all the time stomach lurching nervous thing.

this girl might have a bad reaction if she foudn out i was into her...well actually i dont know i cant foretell anything.. sometimes i do feel i get these looks from her, but it could just be in my head ive no idea . its too hard to know or guess what wud happen.


drop me a line if you think YOU have the slightest possible idea. dont feel worried about pressuring me by ur idea jst lay it out straight fro me and in the end i'll make up my own mind

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Heather
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Per being a tomboy, gender identity and sexual orientation are actually different things. There are bisexual and lesbian women who are very femme, and there are also loads of heterosexual women who are butch. Our gender identity genrally really has little to nothing to do with whom we're attracted to, and our sexual orientation also doesn't determine our gender ideantity.

Per reactions to the porn, again, that's really not an orientation issue. People of all flavors think porn is crap. [Smile]

From the sounds of things, you're attracted to men and women alike. That's bisexuality. And whateher or not you want to pursue same-sex relationships -- now or ever -- is totally up to you.

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skatergirl1989
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hmm i think ill keep it a secret i heard a sorta rumour about me ages ago well ont a rumour jst some girl joking around bout me and some other gilr beinh gay or sumtin even tho nutin happened there i jst kinda had a crush on her and nutin like came of it u know, cept i htink the gilr who was making the joke is actually gay herself, u know?
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Heather
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(Skater, can you please post in standard English per our guidelines? because to be honest, it's seriously difficult to even suss out what you've just said. Thanks!)

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skatergirl1989
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lol sorry! i don't have time to re-type it now though i'll do it later
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skatergirl1989
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Okay so just ignore the illegible bit above sorry i was in a rush.
basically i dont know what to do.today in school i was talking to someone in an older year and then just after i walked off my friend kind of muffled something that was either "she says your gay" or "shes gay" or osmethign else but there was definately somehting gay in it. so i jst let it go when she refused to repeat what she said and i dont want to make a big deal of it incase it like draws attention to me.
so i don't know if i should still be friends with this older girl. ages ago im talking bout months here and she was joking about the whole gay thing its hard to explain the situation it wasn't like she was being downright mean but i was uncomfortable and worried.

Shes been nice to me ever since( and was nice before) and is a really nice person adn enquires bout my boyfriend loads and stuff(if u need an explanation im bi-sexual it think.... and just trying to work things out in my mind right now)


anyway what do you think i should do? i mean i could pretend like nothing happened and keep being friends wiht this girl or i could talk it out with her or i could just kind of ignore her a little cuz i dont see her that oftne adn it wouldnt make a huge difference id just feel kind of mean...but i mean do i want a friend whos telling everyone im gay behind my back? or is she even doing that??!! HELP??

[ 03-21-2007, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: skatergirl1989 ]

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skatergirl1989
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and i was just thinking....maybe shes gay?
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skatergirl1989
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i really need some help with this one guys?
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-Jill
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Do I have this right when I think that an acquaintance of yours possibly outed you to a friend of hers without regard to your feelings? If so, read on; if not correct me and I'll try again. [Smile]

On the one hand I'm not sure I'd end a friendship over something that might have happened. If you like, you could try talking to her about your orientation and how you aren't ready for everyone, especially people you aren't friends with yourself, to know everything that's going on inside your head. Basically just clear up your boundaries.

On the other hand, it doesn't sound like you have a very close friendship at this point and no one needs to cultivate friends who don't treat them with respect. If it seems likely that she's not going to respect your limits, distancing yourself from her sounds like a very good idea to me.

Unfortunately that's the best I can do for you with the information I have. I can't guess what she actually said or if she's gay. Hopefully I was of some help anyway.

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skatergirl1989
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hmm no she didnt out me...sorry this is way confusing but thanks for trying to understand [Smile]

right so i used to have a crush on this girl...ill call her girl X? then another girl Y who i kinda thought of as a goodish friend one day said some things. i dont know u had to be there she she was joking about me and girl X? about me being gay. she did it in a way that like if i got angry about it everyone would have said why are u mad its clearly a joke. but there was definate mallice in it you know? well not malice thats too strong a word but it was as if she knew i liked girl X and wanted me to know it??????( sorry its hard to xplain u really had to be there)...ehh let me try again like one day to mitch off running laps we like jumped behind a bush and i said something on the lines of "hah imagine if someone had seen us what would they have thought" probably" look at the two dykes jumping in a bush" and then its too long to write about the stuff she sed bout girl X. im not imagining it or anything it was definately there i remember being so embarrassed...

and ever since then shes been lovely adn liek the way she was before that day. adn to be honest i kinda have a crush on her too ( i know....i know...im just full of crushes!) so I really dont know what to do i mean...this is the way i see it:


she was kinda joking about me being gay once off. but ever since then shes been talking to me way more and its hard to explain but u know when u make eye contact with someone and u feel it? so hard to explain but you're aware of them in a different way, u see them in a different light? it's like that. and i get this feeling she migt be gay ....

i knwo this is terribly hard to understand...you should try living it!! thanks so much [Smile] [Smile]

[ 03-30-2007, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: skatergirl1989 ]

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skatergirl1989
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anybody?
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Ecofem
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Hey skatergirl, sorry no one got to this sooner. First, it's ok to have a lot of crushes, healthy even. [Wink]

I'm not there to observe and I can't read her mind, but she could possibly be interested in you after reading what you wrote here. It ultimately comes down to chemistry between the two of you, which may or may not be the case. Why not hang out some more or have a chat? I didn't quite pick this up from your post; does she know you're queer? If you're feeling up to it, you could even ask her out, although that does involve her saying no and/or wanting distance.

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skatergirl1989
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I think she has an idea im bi. but then after that i kinda went out with a boy so id say its confuseed her a little...id like that thanks, but i thikn its too hard to do any of this stuff right now epecially that im in school i think maybe i should just hide a little. and come out after i have a feeling a few people wouldnt take it very well...
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skatergirl1989
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Oh god im so confused!!
im now completely in love with this girl and shes lovely but i dont know if she likes me or im just reading into it too much...help? any ideas on how to get over someone? music books anything?! [Frown]

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-Jill
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The Break Ups section of the Relationships FAQ offers these threads.

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000476
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000290
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=001312
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=006393

I realize you're not going through a break up but all the threads I listed offer great advice on how to get over someone.

Also, if you want to know how she feels about you you're going to have to talk to her. None of us can tell what she's feeling by reading a third party describe her words and actions over the internet.

A few things to consider:
1. You cannot have a relationship if you cannot communicate with your partner.
2. If you cannot come out to this woman for any reason, you cannot be in a homosexual relationship with her.
I'm not saying these things as criticism; instead I'm hoping you'll try to form a wider perspective on this issue. Right now I think you're building everything she does into something bigger than it is and just generally creating a more complicated situation than what you have.

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PenguinBoy
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About getting over people. For me personally it's impossible to stop admiring something about somebody, or stop being attracted to them especially of my own accord.

What's more important is to get myself thinking about other things and other people, and being able to live my life and get on with life.

I never get rid of the little pang when I think about them, but i think about them a lot less often. They're right at the back of my head, and at the bottom of my priority list. It's just about pushing them down your priority list. Do what you enjoy get on with life and things WILL get better.

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orca
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skater,
Why do you want to get over this girl though? You say you like her, so why do you want to stop liking her? (Let me know if I'm getting this all wrong by the way.)

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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milagan
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i can see what u are getting at, u feel that if u justell it to her straight then she might reject you or start to think of you differently and if your a girl coming out there is usualy alot of talk for a couple of weeks but if you dont tell her how you truly feel then u just might regret it

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skatergirl1989
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i want to get over her because im worried that if i do talk to her and make a move i will be rejected and it will be just so awkard and awful...it doesn't matter anymore because schools over now and shes just finished off her last year and lives miiiiles away(she was in boarding school) and i never even got a chance to talk to her or say goodbye. thats life i guess [Frown] adn milagan your right i totally regret it because i could have had a chance who's to say? thanks anyway guys
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