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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » confused about ur sexual attration??

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Author Topic: confused about ur sexual attration??
wage
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Member # 30818

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hi i just want to know if im really a lesbian or not??!!!!but im not totally sure!!!

here mine story!!

when i was 17 i broked uo with my boyfriend ,we had been going out for 3 yrs i was really upset ,so i started to chill more often with my bestgirl friend ,one day we were just talking layin down on her bed and idk why i feel liek kissing her so i did ..she responded but then i feel so weird kissing aa girl ,i told her that i was really sorry that i guest i sis it cuz i was upset about my ex boyfriend..,so i thought everything ended but it didnt next day at school ,she called me to the restroom so i went she got close to me and kissed me i response 2 ..after dat we started some kind of relationship , i think i fall inlove with her and she also told me dat same thing ,at the tyme she was engage ..i felt really confused and i still do ,we did had sex for at least 6 months.. but everything changed when she got pregnant, we still bestfriend but i think she still feel something for me n i know i do 2...so does that makes me a lesbian ???????????im really confused plz help me because im about to get engage !!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 13 | From: canada | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
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Welcome to the boards, wage. [Smile]
Well, my advice to you would be to not get engaged yet, but I know that's easier said than done. It might be an idea to talk to your boyfriend about this.
You could be bisexual - ask yourself, are you attracted to him as well? You shoukdn't break off an engagement just because you're bisexual.
However, if you're still in love with her it makes things messy. A simple way of looking at it is this: would you get engaged while in love with another man?
I would advise that you delay getting engaged until you've sorted all this stuff out - until you're sure how you feel. At any rate, I really hope this works out OK for you, wage.
(P.S. This isn't a snark, but could you write in standard English like it says in the user agreement? It's difficult to read textspeak - a lot of us don't get out nearly enough to know that. [Big Grin] )

--------------------
“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bohemian
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ok, for me, i need ur help.
i'm 15, i've had feelings for girls before, but now i've got more, its stronger. i think i'm bi but i don't want to be. i like guys too much to be a lesbian but i like some girls, i know that two of them are purely superficial but one is quite a close friend who i'm starting to like more and more everyday. it hit me one day that i liked her in that way. i don't know what to do, i can't tell anyone, i can't let anyone in my family or my school know. help me, i'm doing gcses and this has to go and happen, i'm getting really stressed about it too. i haven't told anyone, as far as people think, i'm completely straight, but inside i think it isn't as straight forward.

Posts: 18 | From: U.K | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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(Btw, Bohemian, you can also start your own thread on this topic.)

First, here are two articles you might find informative:
http://www.scarleteen.com/gaydar/biquiz.html
http://www.scarleteen.com/gaydar/basics.html

Being bisexual isn't a bad thing at all, but I can understand that you'd prefer not to be and are extra stressed out with GCSEs; the burden of figuring out "what" you is the last thing you want to deal with!

I'd start by trying really hard not to worry about your sexual orientation right now. We can't necessarily help who we crush on, but we can choose how to deal with it. Just as you might get an unwanted crush on a guy, just try to focus on thinking of your female friend strictly platonically. If you were interested in a relationship and thought she might be, too, I'd advise differently. But you've got enough on your mind to worry about.

I think there can be a lot of pressure, be it outside or from within, to label your sexuality in high school and college. But sexuality is a fluid thing, and you don't ever have to stick a label on yourself; just see who you like and deal with attractions one at a time.

The truth is that being queer (bi, gay, basically anything "non-straight") is often a lot harder than being heterosexual in our society. This can make being bisexual seem really undesireable. But it's just a part of life, and research suggets that many, many people are not entirely straight or gay, but somewhere in between, so you're hardly alone. And most people are dealing with the same questioning you are, so you're especially not alone in that regard.

Are there any LGBTQ groups near you where you could turn to for support? Just reading through the Orientation and Identity and GLBT Relationships forums should give you a starting point. You don't have to tell your family or friends about questioning, although a someone supportive could really help make you feel better about all of this. Is there anyone, like a good friend or trusted, openminded adult you could talk to?

I've been where you are; I know how being scared and wanting to figure things out can seem to derail your whole life. But there's no rush or need to figure things out right now; most people spend their whole lives figuring out their sexuality/sexual orientation, seeing how it develops over time. As I said, you don't have to suddenly start dating girls or acting on your feelings, just be aware of them and you can decide over time how to process them.

For me, a big part of it was just realizing that my attractions were ok, nothing to worry about. That I can just enjoy a crush on a woman (I also generally find myself interested in more men than women) without freaking out, that I should just enjoy it. Absolutely no need to wonder what such attractions might mean in the future right now.

I hope you can eventually feel that way, too, and feel better about things in the meantime. [Smile]

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Bohemian
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thx, and i don't think there are any of those groups near me, and besides if there was, i don't think i'd be comfortable with going there especially if i was seen to be going there. i mean, me personally, i'm ok with people being whatever sexuality its just with me, i don't think i can talk to anyone, and there's a big fear that any of my schoolmates will tell others and i'll be 'condemmed' or at least given a bit of a hard time for my last year at school, possibly even at college (which i'm hoping to go to). i know its probably fairly normal, but does it really happen this often with other people, - thinking about going out or being with other girls who i find attractive? lets just say my parents and family aren't exactly the most open minded people on sexual orientation. i read your links, which were quite useful, but yeah, i'm still stressed! :| so far i only know one friend who i'm not that close with but is bi, but i dunno if i trust him enough to confide in. still, there's maybe one or two people who can't really tell people at school or anything as they live far away. i quite trust them as they are more understanding and mature than alot of other people i know. do you think i should talk about this to them? confide in them? i usually just bury all my anger/problems/confusion(about this) away from the surface and pretend like everythings a bit better than it is. i have problems with talking to people about my emotions and i become uncomfortable when talking about sexuality or stuff related, like boyfriends etc.
Posts: 18 | From: U.K | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bohemian
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Member # 31031

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ok so i told the girl i like most - the friend i'm close with, she was alright with it. i dunno what to do...i still feel that way towards her, i've told her - still alright with it. i like her a lot and she's straight, we both know it. she says it might be a phase, but tbh, its been going for quite a long time.
Posts: 18 | From: U.K | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Bohemian, sorry for taking so long to get back to you. How have you been doing this week?

I'd talk to your close friends who live far away but whom you can trust. I think it's perfectly ok to not want to talk about things like sexuality with others, especially if you aren't really close. But if you're having trouble expressing your emotions in general, what about going to counseling to talk about things overall? S/he'd be confidental and could be a really good resource.

If I understand correctly, you just told her you were interested in her? Good for getting up the courage to do so, and I'm sorry it didn't work out. Long-term crushes can be hard to shake, so try to put those feelings aside and keep up the friendship as long as it's comfortable for you. (Of course, much easier said than done.)

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