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Author Topic: Am I gay? PLEASE HELP!
chronotrigger273
Neophyte
Member # 30091

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Ive been attracted to woman all my life and never really felt inclined towards males in the least. I have experimented with anal masturbation and really enjoyed it, and wondered if that makes me gay. Also, every once in a while when i think about guys I get extremely turned on, almost like a perverse switch has been flicked and want to go look at gay porno on the internet, after im done though i feel really sick to my stomach and generally extremely horrible, like im a sick person or something. Homosexuality is really looked down upon in my family and i think Im in a "rebelious" stage as ive participated in things that my parents do not approve of. Do you think it is the idea of doing something so against my family that turns me on, or am i homosexual. I could never really see myself in the lifestyle. I just have sudden lustful triggers that make me feel ill and kind of dirty. PLEASE HELP!
Posts: 3 | From: places | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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Member # 25983

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Enjoying anal stimulation does not make you gay. That would be about as ridiculous as saying that a woman who enjoys cunnilingus is a lesbian. Obviously, many heterosexual couples engage in cunnilingus. Some engage in anal stimulation, too. There are no parts of your body that are wrong to touch, nor any that automatically label you.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time with all this, especially with your family having the attitude that they do. I would, however, doubt that this is a direct case of rebellion; after all, you do have these moments in private, seperate from your family, and you find yourself generally turned-on by what you see.

This could be a phase. You could be gay. You could be bisexual. You could be straight. The possibilities are endless, and they're all OK. The important thing to remember is not to hate yourself for the things you enjoy, especially what can be such a huge part of who you are.

(I'm sorry, but I simply have to comment. Your handle rules, and so does CT! [Smile] )

[ 07-31-2006, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chronotrigger273
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Member # 30091

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Yea, the rebellion idea is strange really, but it almost makes sense in my mind. I seem to get more turned on knowing its something i shouldnt be doing. But when I step back and think about it, I really couldnt see myself ever loving another guy. Just lustful reasons alone. The feelings ive had for girls have been powerful and make me feel good. But after i have ones for guys Im left feeling empty and kind of ill. Almost like there is a hole in my soul, as crazy and weird as that sounds (I know) Ive looked at gay pictures a few times. And find it really difficult to masturbate to it. I dont know wheter its my conscience or what, I just know it doesnt feel right.
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Whiskeyginger
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Okay first thing. Chill out. Take a deep breath and relax. Just because you might enjoy anal masterbation does not make you gay in the least bit. You like what make you feel good, does that sound like it's gay or straight to you? Not to me. Also you should try not to think of sexuality in such a black and white manner. Or gay or straight. I cannot tell you if you're gay or straight simply because only you can descide that for yourself. It's not something that can be diagnosed. As for your family, in my experience with some of my friends coming out their parents already knew before they told them and loved them just as much, and if not more for embracing who they really were.
Also your age and experience could play into this. When I was younger I was confused if I liked both boys and girls or just boys. I didn't know if I was Bi or if I was straight. I'm 20 now and know that I am straight-for the most part. I find women attractive and I love to look at them but that's as far as that goes. I love my men and could only see myself in a male female relashionship.

So don't get so stressed about this, let whatever happen happen and you will know the answer when it comes. Don't be in such a hurry to put a title on something that could not fit it entirly.

Sorry if this didn't give you the yes or no answer you sounded like you were looking for, but like I said, only you can descide that on yourself.

--------------------
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Posts: 36 | From: HustlinEverywhere | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chronotrigger273
Neophyte
Member # 30091

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This might help put things a little more into perspective as to where I am. I forgot to mention that I have not yet had a relationship with a girl period. Ive tried mind you, but when i get rejected once i tend to stew about it for a long time and keep to myself.Im a very sensitive person and get easily discouraged. I think the lack of any intimate contact (whatsoever) with a girl has put these thoughts into my mind. I could be wrong. But its sort of my guess. And i have done nothing with guys either.
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Whiskeyginger
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So, what's the rush? Let time take it's course.

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Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Posts: 36 | From: HustlinEverywhere | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mr. Matthew
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Hi chrnotrigger,

Before I comment further I must say that any words I write that reassures you that you are not gay are in no way meant to imply that I think being gay is improper. We are what we are, and if we are good people we should be proud of ourselves no matter who we find sexually exciting.

If you are attracted to women and not to men then you are not gay.

That you enjoy anal masturbation does not indicate that you are gay. Plenty of men and women, straight and gay, enjoy that.

That you, once in awhile, get turned on by pictures of men does not mean that you would ever have an interest in men other than in pictures. Our fantasy lives and our lives in the real world are frequently very separate.

The question: Am I gay? is not a yes or no question. It is a continous spectrum from only being interested in one gender, through being mostly interested in one and a little in the other, to being equally interested in both.

So, from what you describe, if I had to categorize you, which is what you are asking for though I'm not wholly comfortable doing so, I'd say that you seem heterosexual but enjoy the occassional look at a good looking man. I'm basically parroting your words back at you. Do these words sound better than saying, for example, that you are 98.4% heterosexual and 1.6% homosexual. Labels get pretty silly. You know better than anyone who you are and how you feel. Love and accept yourself and try not to be afraid. It's you that counts, not someone else and what they think.

Though you seem to have very little tendency toward being gay, the thought that you might have that tendency sickens you. I would like it if you, and all people, could learn to overcome your fear of homosexuality. I hope that, even though emotionally you are upset by homosexuality, intellectually you know it's okay. People are mostly born being straight or gay and it neither makes them good nor bad.

Posts: 220 | From: Massachusetts, USA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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