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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Reality Sets In !!!!

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Author Topic: Reality Sets In !!!!
JamaicanBiNature
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Member # 16724

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I recently sent a qiuz to one of my friends from a dating web site. In my profile it said I was bisexual (which I am). I wanted to tell her but I didn't know how. Two of my guy friends know and no one else.


The other day she sent me an email and it said " bisexual that's new but cool" I don't want to ask her what that means but it;s been bugging for sometime.


I have struggled over the years trying to figure out what my orientation was. I finally came to terms with being bisexual. But I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew that meant it was true that reality was gonna set in and people would fine out.


I also don't know how to tell my mom. She Jamaican and they aren't really open to "homosexuality". She has a gay cousin and the family excepts him for who he and she had a gay friend and that didn't bother. I guess I just don't want her to be mad at me or disappointed.


Posts: 2 | From: Morganton,NC,USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
i love my cunt
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Member # 16831

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well about the thing with your friend .. i guess its good that she didnt freak out, its awesome that you have friends that arent very judgemental.
i dont really have any advice about the thing with your mom, but if i were you, i would just tell her and let that be that.
-keep in mind that ive never had to deal with this but my two best friends are gay and ive seen them go through it.

Posts: 8 | From: loveland >.< | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Oftentimes, it's best not to be too kamikaze about coming out when you have a pretty good idea your family is NOT going to be very receptive.

For some folks in that sitch, they've found it best to wait until there was an actual, tangible same-sex relationship they were going to pursue or entering into. For others, waiting until they'd left home and had a bit more distance feels more comfortable. And for others still, just spitting it out and dealing with it works best. You're going to be the best person to feel out what's likely to be best for you.

But if you KNOW it's going to be very problematic, it's likely a Very Good Idea to make sure that the benefits outweigh the negatives. In other words, what does coming out to your family net you right now in terms of the good stuff? Is it going to be worth what will likely be a sizable period of stress or conflict in your home?

It's also worth mentioning that none of us can ever control how another person feels. And many people do have mixed or unclear feelings about bisexuality or homosexuality (and it's actually a lot easier for many to accept homosexuality than bisexuality, oddly enough). So it may well be that for whatever reason, your mother may feel dissapointed or confused or angry or sad -- and you need to be in a space her you can allow her that and handle it as compassionately as possible when you do come out.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
princess2183
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why is it easier for people to be more accepting of homosexuality rather than bisexuality? One of my friends once said to me she understood if i was a lesbian but doesn't understand me being bi???


Posts: 17 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Can be for lots of reasons, but mostly it's because of misconceptions about bisexuality. All too many people think that those who are bisexual are simply indecisive, nondiscriminatory, looking to appear sexually adventurous, even greedy etc. Or that they're able to choose an opposite-sex partner and are just being contrary, the works.

To some degree, homosexuality is more akin to heterosexuality than bisexuality, so it may also be that because it more closely resembles being heterosexually oriented -- in terms of having a clear primary or sole attraction to one gender -- it seems easier to grasp.


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JamaicanBiNature
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Thank you so very much I think I already knew those things and I just needed to here from other people. This really helped alot.
Posts: 2 | From: Morganton,NC,USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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