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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » I'm a Lesbian Kinda Sorta in Denial

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Author Topic: I'm a Lesbian Kinda Sorta in Denial
Chelle
Activist
Member # 7396

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I don't know when I realized how intense my attraction to girls is but I did and now I'm not so glad I did...

I have found men attractive before but only unottainable ones-like much older men that would never be interested or celebrities. Girls on the other hand...I've had crushes on many and it DOES bother me.

Having these feelings is the last thing I want or need right now. AND I have a boyfriend! I never had feelings for him...I guess I just always knew it was what was expected of me.

Jeez, I've had sex with 13 men trying to prove something to myself (still trying to figure out WHAT). I want to fall in love with a Harvard graduate of psychology and live in our house with the white picket fence and have 4 children and a Toyota Camry...

Now that's never possible Not if I fess up to my feelings any ways. I mentioned it to my psychiatrist and he asks me about it every visit now. I feel pressured to make up my mind but I'm scared to sort through my feelings. Scared to death that I'll find out-I'm a ~Lesbian~.

It may not sound like a big deal but it is to me. I have no problem with anyone's sexual preference but I wish I could choose mine. This isn't what I want for myself...

I'm so lost

[This message has been edited by Chelle (edited 04-26-2002).]


Posts: 60 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

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quote:
I want to fall in love with a Harvard graduate of psychology and live in our house with the white picket fence and have 4 children and a Toyota Camry...

Now that's never possible <http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/frown.gif> Not if I fess up to my feelings any ways.


Hon, why on earth not? Last time I checked, Harvard was a co-ed school, and women do study psychology, ya know. And lesbians do buy houses with white picket fences and have bucketloads of kids and buy nice cars.

What I'm saying is don't beat yourself up over this. Being a lesbian does not automatically doom a person to a life of misery and loneliness. If you're attracted to women, there's absolutely no reason why you can't find a lovely woman with whom to share your life and have kids and do all the same things that heterosexual couples do.

I'm very, very, very happily married to a woman. She used to be a man, before she started sex reassignment therapy. And honestly, the only thing that's really changed about our relationship is her name and the way she looks. We still live together, we still go grocery shopping and watch tv and play Monopoly and eat lunch in the park on weekends and do all the other things that couples do. We plan to have kids someday, and we talk about buying one of those cute little BMW Z8s if we ever win the lottery, and we bicker about whose turn it is to do the laundry. Just the same as we did when she was male.

In the grand scheme of things, gender just doesn't make that much difference in a relationship.

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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