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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Horribly wrong

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Author Topic: Horribly wrong
jazzpenguin
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Here's my story:

1)I've realised my feelings for blokes for a few years now (!'m 15)
2)In February this year I first told someone (my best mate) about my sexuality - he was fine with it (this becomes relevant later - my main contact with him is over the phone)
3)I then told a few of my friends at school
4)Two of them told other people, although I told them not to
5) The other two think that I'm not really gay and that it's all in my head

Subsequent to being outed, I am now facing the consequences - and it's far harder than I thought. I've found that I have no one to turn to for supportive advice at school, and Lord knows, I need it.

All of a sudden, a week after I was outed, people ar enow finding out, and the predictable homophobic thoughts are being verbalised. And there's no one I can run to. All my friends seemed to react differently to me now, and I'm wondering whether I've made some huge mistake by coming out. After all, what have I gained?

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jz


Posts: 59 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
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Jazz, I'm not out, so I can't realy tell you what good it is to be out. But all I can say is that when those homophobic eejits start insulting you and calling you whatever they call you, turn around to them and say "Yes, I'm gay. Do you have a problem with that? Have I done anything to you? Is there some crime I committed? Have I suddenly grown three heads? Yes, I'm gay. But I'd prefer to be gay than a ___________ ____ ____ ____ like you!!!!!" That's my advice. I'm just saying that because I presume that to talk to parents is totally out of the question?

Beki

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Do not try to find out who I am, I am a shadow and you are the light, wherever you are I cannot be...


Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gaffer
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You have a right to an education in which you won't be made fun of, and since you are out perhaps you can talk to a trusted teacher or counselor or principal or something about any harassment. Do something though, don't just let people be mean for no real reason and get away with it.

And Slayer-gurl has a point (though you may not want to phrase it exactly like that if your opponent is bigger and stronger and more likely to hit someone in the face than you are, unless you can run very quickly).


Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sapphirecat
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Have you looked for a support group outside of school? I would imagine that in a large city like London, that would be available. If you're lucky, it'd be close enough that your parents wouldn't need to drive you there.

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Sapphire Cat
You can love me or hate me, but it won't change who I am.


Posts: 235 | From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews) | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
alaska
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Hi Jazz,

I can only second sapphs advice here, I bet finding a nice support group outside school could help you and give you some positive coming out support to get through the icky stuff at with the people at school.

A quick search at http://www.iglyo.org came up with these resources in London (excluded those aimed at gals) - and I am sure there are even more! Living in or near a big town sure makes it all a little easier!

quote:

DELGA Youth and Students
LDYS, 4 Cowley Street
SW1P 3NB London

Gay and Bisexual Youth Group
Davies Lane
E11 London

Gemma
BM Box 5700
WCIN 3XX London

Lesbian & Gay Teenage Group
6-9 Manor Gardens
Holloway Road
N7 London

London Connection - Lesbian & Gay Group
12 Adelaide Street
WC2 London

London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard
BM Switchboard
WC1N 3XX London

North London line
Oxford Road
N1 1QG London

Organization for Lesbians and Gays
38 Mount Pleasant
WC1X 0AP London

Out on Thursday
182 Hammersmith Road
W6 7BJ London

Outlinks
102 Harper Road
SE1 London

Youthspeak
27 Old Gloucester St.
WC1N 3XX London
mail@youthspeak.org.uk


For Details, I'd recommend that you simply give the awesome people at the London Lesian and Gay Switchboard (http://www.llgs.org.uk/index.htm) at 020 7837 7324 a call; I am sure they can refer you to a local youth group in your district or side of town.

Just give them a call, the London L&G switchboard gives out advice in all areas of gay life, I am sure they can help you develop an action plan against harrassment and homophobic comments at school, too, or connect you to people who can help you.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you at the moment, but I am sure that in the long run, you'll see that coming out was the right decision for you. Unfortunately some people reacted differently from what you had expected or hoped for, and it may sound harsh now, but people who out you to others really aren't people you need. - I know it's hard to find out how much (or rather "little") you can trust people who you thought were friends, but better now than later, hm?

The only way is up, Jazz, and I am sure that you'll manage to get yourself a new support net of people who can understand you and who don't tell you that it's all "in your head".

I am sending tons of energy your way!

------------------
Caro
~Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 11-14-2001).]


Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
alaska
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...some more London resources....
http://www.netcomuk.co.uk/~browside/london/groups/list49.html (list of organisations and groups)
http://www.outzone.org/outzone/frontpage.htm
(Ouzone: Gay Bisexual Men's Project for young men under 26, call 020 8348 1785)


Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
violet
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well, all i wanna say is to agree with everyone else really. i know it can be scary when you first go to a youth group, but it really could be worth it. what part of london do you live in?
Posts: 29 | From: London, England | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jazzpenguin
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Tanx for the advice guys and dolls. I phoned the switchboard, and they were quite helpful. I'd rather not go to a support group - that makes it sound as if I've got a problem with me.
I'm coping a bit better now. What really bugs me is when people I hardly know ask me "Are you gay?" All I can think is What business is it of yours? But of course I just say "Yes. I am."
The question I really don't know how to answer is "How do you know?", bearing in mind that I'm only 15.
I know that I don't need friends who I can't trust, but I can't just get rid of a friendship I've invested so much time in.

Oh, and I've got a BIG new problem. The school Talent show is tomorrow (which I'm very involved with, not to boast), and my parents and brother are coming. With them mixing with pupils in the audience who know that I'm gay, how do I stop them from finding out?

My friend (the one who outed me) really will have ruined my life if they find out.

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jz


Posts: 59 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sapphirecat
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quote:
Originally posted by jazzpenguin:
The question I really don't know how to answer is "How do you know?", bearing in mind that I'm only 15.

Maybe you could deflect the question back at them. "How do you know you're not?"

<edit>Whether you actually want to ask that would depend on their age and experience. Obviously it would be a bad thing to ask your parents, who could then assume you'd done something you haven't.</edit>

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Sapphire Cat
You can love me or hate me, but it won't change who I am.

[This message has been edited by sapphirecat (edited 11-15-2001).]


Posts: 235 | From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews) | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
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The classic reply to the "how do you know you're gay" question is to just turn it around -- "well, how do you know that you're straight?" It's usually quite effective.

Keep in mind, too, that your sexual orientation isn't the same as your sexual history, or lack therof. You can identify as gay, bisexual, straight, whatever fits how you feel at this point in time, regardless of what you've done or not done with partners.

Kyth


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
$uMMeR
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Do you just not want your parents to know for the time being? Or not have them know at all in their entire lives? Or not have them hear it from someone else other than you?

I'm assuming yours is a loving family who ultimately want you to be happy. They may find it difficult to acknowledge your sexuality at first, but in the end, they'll just want you to be happy. Perhaps you can try discussing your feelings with your parents, and at the end, conclude that you don't think it's just a "teenage thing" or something or other. Your parents could end up being the strongest support.

Try that, and I hope everything turns out OK, because you do have a right to live life the way you want to

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*Read my diary

*Read my page

*And...alwayz

[This message has been edited by $uMMeR (edited 11-17-2001).]


Posts: 194 | From: city of Anghelz | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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