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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » "You just can't make up your mind."

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Author Topic: "You just can't make up your mind."
Member # 23917

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I'm bisexual and a switch (I like to top and to bottom), so I'm particularly incensed when people make comments about people like me being "indecisive." It doesn't bother me as much as it could, because I know it's not true, but it's still irritating.

My question is, how do you contradict people when they say stuff like that? I really can't think of anything beyond "But... I'm not! I know who I am and I know what I like! Really!" And I think that sounds a little too defensive to be effective.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Success stories? Tales of frustration?

Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I've heard comments such as that a few times. I came out as bisexual when I was 15, as lesbian when I was 18, and now I've been dating a guy for well over four years.

My come-back to those comments is usually something like this: I know what I want right now. Sexuality and the way we experience and what we're interested in and what we desire is pretty fluid and does tend to change throughout one's lifetime. But that's true for most people, and is not a symptom of being fickle. It's just how things are. So, we can only ever state with any certainty what we're into and what we like RIGHT NOW.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I tend to go with the non-denial comeback with this one.

In other words, I do not HAVE to "make up my mind," just like someone who is only attracted to men doesn't, either. So, if my being attracted to and having dates a wide diversity of people is interpreted by someone as my "not making up my mind," it's no big whoop to me. I prefer to think of it as equal opportunity, but whatever. [Smile]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 41657

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I think it's silly to say that to someone, it would be like saying that to somebody who had had sexual/dating partners of more than one race. I don't see why I should have to make up my mind to only like one shape of body, so I don't, I just like pleasure (says I who have had only solo experience, but I'm still quite certain of this), just generally there are all these choices you supposedly have to make about sex, men or women (which ignores the intersexed), top or bottom, penetrate or be penetrated, have sex with yourself or with others and I'm sure there are more I'm not thinking of.

Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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