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Author Topic: say my name
alaska
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Started by a question in AAS I was wondering as to how Scarleteeners refer to their sexual orientation. Do you use formerly offensive or insulting words? How would you like your orientation to be referred to?
How come that neutral words like "lesbian" are still perceived by heterosexual folks as insulting?

I know it's just *words* and that definitions aren't really helpful because they usually just help others to put us into boxes and limit us, but still. - Humans simply seem to want terms and definitions all the bloody time.

So what's your take on this?


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smittenkitten
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I call myself bisexual, but I don't mind dyke (being used in a non-offensive way).

I think that gay slang names are only derogatory because most people use them that way. What bothers me is there is practically no heterosexual slang. The only one I can think of is straight.

Winnie :0)

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Mary
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I'm a lesbian... That's how I identify myself and if my friends or family members wish to describe my sexual orientation, I hope they'll be respectful in the way they do so. One of my homosexual friends calls me "f*g" and "dyke" as a joke, but I'm not really comfortable with that. I told him how I felt, and he's stopped. I'd just like my sexuality to be respected by my friends and family. I don't find the word "lesbian" insulting, becasue that's how I usually refer to my sexual orientation. I try not to be stingy on what people call me, but some things I'm just not comfortable with.

I really hope that when people think of me, they think of a loving, caring, sensative person, becasue that's who I am. My being attracted to the same sex is only a portion of who I am.

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[This message has been edited by Mary (edited 03-31-2001).]


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Laughs_Wisely
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I refer to myself as a "big fat faggy dyke" when I'm in a jolly mood. My friends get a kick out of it, and I don't mind people calling me dyke or using the term in a joking manner. When it is used as an insult however, I get very angry very quickly. And Winnie, there is at least one het slang word that is pretty offensive. I don't recommend using it. Very simply, "breeder". I don't know who originated it, or any of that, I just know it's in use.

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"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." (Rebecca West)


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DrQuack5
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I like to call myself "free". If asked, I'll say, "Yes, I am gay/lesbian, call it what you will." But I prefer 'free' because maybe I'll end up with a guy. Who knows? And also because I don't like labels. They're so restricting and used to just categorize everything/one so it's easier to distinguish groups.
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Gaffer
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I am comfortable with the term gay, and only when it's totally obvious you're joking the term f*g. Breeder, I've never heard that before. I wonder a)how that is offensive and b)how that came into use. I would say my sexuality is fluid, like one of those wave things, except it's mostly stuck tilted one way.

[This message has been edited by Gaffer (edited 04-01-2001).]


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Rizzo
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Although I am a girl, I'd rather be called things usually reserved for male homosexuals. Think about it... gay, fairy, fruit... so much more fun than lesbian, dyke, etc. Those just sound too serious!

As for the other half of me (I'm bisexual), I'd hate to be called breeder or even straight. They both sound rather derogatory to me.

Gaffer, I find the term breeder offensive because it assumes that the only reason I might want to be romantically involved with a man is so I can have children. I'd like to think I'm a bit more complex than that.


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Lisa D
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I call myself a "Mochaccino Slut-girl" because i think that just leaves everyone wondering
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rambler
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Well, I'm bi... but at first I thought of myself as a lesbian because I had not had any sexual feelings for a boy before so I came out as a lesbian and I didn't/don't mind the word "dyke." Sometimes I would just say I was gay because I dislike the idea that a lot of people have that ONLY guys are gay .... if that makes sense... it just creates another division.

Now I just call myself bisexual, or I will tell my friends a story or something and say, "But that was back when I was a dyke," which will give us all a laugh. I hate labels, as going from "being a lesbian" to "being bisexual" really hurt me as a lot of my lesbian friends hated me for a while. But I use the term bisexual for myself if I am around people who are making the assumption that I'm straight.

As for the term BREEDER, it's a term used for heterosexuals and it's really meant in a negative way by lots of homosexuals I've come across. I.E. it's like, "I'm not as boring as a breeder," is synonymous with "I'm not a boring STRAIGHT PERSON" and sometimes it can be used with the same vehemence as "*** " or "dyke" can be used as an insult. I have never had any of my friends say it about me but I have heard them say it and have heard other people use it.... It's really quite an unnecessary and bigotted kind of thing to do, IMO, but I guess that's just because some day it might be me having that hurled at me...

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rambler
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rambler
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Er, oops, didn't mean to set off the censor there...

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rambler
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Heather
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WHEEeeeEEEPWHEEeeeEEEPWHEEeeeEEEP


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Gaffer
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Ooops, I thought you meant breeder was an insult to gay people. Now it makes more sense. I completely forgot fairy, that one I actually don't mind at all.
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Rizzo
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Yeah, fairy's so cute. I also like queer, and some silly out of date ones like poof. Heehee, so cute. And of course, who wouldn't want to be called a queen?
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rambler
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Ooh, I forgot about queer. That is one that I use a lot. It used to bug me ("I'm not weird, I'm just not like you!" was basically my reasoning. I'm a recovering English major -- I take words literally sometimes.

Anyway after I recovered from that... I've realized what a cool little word "queer" is. 'Cause then, I'm not straight, but I don't have to necessarily piss people off by saying "I'm bi" and confronting all of the "are you a nympho?" stereotypes (and believe me, even if you don't think that way about bi people, most people do...don't get me started.)

Not that I try to hide it but it is just pretty easy to say "I'm queer" and let whoever I'm telling make their assumptions while we go onto the next topic (or they might ask me questions, which is okay, as long as it's not in an accusatory manner.)

By the way? If I'm repeating myself at all -- sorry -- I'm in a hurry and a little scatterbrained today!

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rambler
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[This message has been edited by rambler (edited 04-09-2001).]


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Hanne
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I'm a polymorphously perverse overeducated nookie goddess, myself. I'm actually pretty comfortable with using "queer," since I think it does a good job of saying that I'm not straight without my having to give the long answer, which is "I'm a person who can be attracted to other people regardless of gender, including transgendered people, which is why 'bisexual' doesn't really fit me very well."

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FreeSpirit
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My sexuality is bi-sexual. I really didn't like the word queer at first but I got use to it. I try not to get angry over the least little comment. When I feel ofended I will tell the person I dont like you saying such a comment like that. Eventuallly they stop but it's as long as I feel comfortable about the comments. I will even laugh along with the people about it, it won't bother me. As long as I feel comfortable I'm happy. :}

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Beppie
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Increasingly, I find myself uncomfortable using words like "homosexual", "bisexual" and "heterosexual", because they seem to push people into little absolute groups that don't really exist. I identify as straight, but that doesn't really mean that much to me anymore. Sure, I'm very rarely attracted sexually to women, and often to men, but that doesn't really make me that different to someone who is attracted to the same gender or both, so I get uncomfortable when talking about "homosexuals" as though it means a group that is somehow fundementally different.
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Moth
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I like just plain bi. It's short, easy to say, and it sounds comfy. I also like "queer", though I don't use it, and I enjoy calling myself "the brainiac dyke", which was coined by a friend of mine in reference to me, and I love it (inaccurate though it may be).
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Sympathys_Sin
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personally, i dont like being called queer or f*g or dyke, because i'm not gay, i'm bisexual. my other bisexual friends dont mind it at all. i'm going thru this stage where i must let everyone know there is a difference between being gay and being bisexual. my gay friends quite enjoy my little outbursts of bisexual pride hehe.

and one of my best friends is gay and she absolutely HATES the word lesbian. i mean hates it. i'm not allowed to use it. thats fine with me, i dont really see her being acurately described with the word "lesbian" anyway. it kinda leaves me feeling like she's a completely different person now that she's come out. "oooh shes a lesbian now". its not like that at all.

fairy IS cute, tho, everyone should use it. hehe.


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