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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » two sides confused

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Author Topic: two sides confused
StarlitCAT
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Member # 2766

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this reallly scares me and gets me to question my identity. i get along with girls great and i feel comfortable being around them. but in most cases with guys im a different person. i tend to be mean and reject them especially at first sight and im hardly ever *nice* with them.(i cant control it and dont know what to do) there must only be certain exception for me to be completely comfortable with boys (or boy). no i havent had a boyfreind and im 16. but the thing that confuses me most is guys do get me aroused (looks, body, motions etc.) but on the other hand i love being with ppl of my own sex more than the opposite sex. theres so much less pressure and i feel freer for self expression. im so torn apart on that... does that say anything about my sexuality or identity??
Posts: 38 | From: NY,USA | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lynne
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Orientation is based on whom you're attracted to, sexually and emotionally (and when I say emotionally I mean it in a romantic way, not an "I'd really love to be this person's friend" kind of way), not who you prefer to be friends with. If what's happening is that you're attracted to guys, but find that girls make better friends, it sounds to me like you're straight, and just like hanging out with girls. That's not uncommon at all; in fact, it's probably more frequent than girls feeling more comfortable around boys, or feeling equally comfortable with both groups. If you've got crushes on your female friends, then you might want to reexamine your orientation and identity (although it's not rare for straight people to have a same-sex crush or two during their life).

If I were you, however, I'd look into why you're so uncomfortable around boys, starting with the exceptions that don't make you feel uncomfortable. What is it in those situations that is absent from the situations that do make you uncomfortable? Once you figure out why you act differently around most boys, you can try to fix it (that is, if you even want to fix it; I got the impression from your post that you do, though).

Posts: 266 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StarlitCAT
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Member # 2766

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yeah and theres another thing i noticed. lately i tend to be interested on information about the gay community. and it freaks me out because for example, i tend to be more interested in gay guys than straigtht. in interested i mean finding out more stuff about them and i find them to be more sensative and attractive. and also there are lots of gay people at my mom's work and i really want to get to know them and their lifestyle, but im kinda afraid of always asking about some poeple i know at her work thinking she'll "ask questions". Why am i so interested in a lifestyle that has nothing to do with me? (being straight myself, i guess) Is the fact that Elton John is just my great idol and means a lot to me for the past 5 yrs since i heard of him have any influence on that? hes just a musician.

??


Posts: 38 | From: NY,USA | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glitter695
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There is nothing to be scared of, and its not a bad thing to be intested in gays, or bisexuals...it seems to me that you dont know which way you want to go, you are confused, and scared...Only you can awnser that question if you are bisexual or not.
We cant tell you why you are more interested in gays or bisexuals.

The question is do *you* think that Elton John had an impact on you?

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Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lynne
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quote:
Why am i so interested in a lifestyle that has nothing to do with me?
Are you interested in other things that don't have any immediate effect on you? You could just be curious about gays. Orientation isn't who you're curious about; it's who you're attracted to. As for the gay guys you've met being more sensitive and attractive than the straight guys, you may have just hit upon a particularly nice bunch of gay guys. As with any group, there are members that are sensitive and/or attractive, and members that aren't; you seem to have been lucky and come across the former.

Posts: 266 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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