I realised i was bisexual at the beginning of the summer holidays but as i was at home and going to Russia i decided to keep quiet about it. Now in Russia, i hang round with a very close group of expats and live in a very confined space with two other girls. The thing however is that there is one gay guy whom i didnt know and within the first two weeks without him ever speaking to me, came up to me and actually told me that he thought i was gay. How did he know- Russia's such a dangerous place if you are openly gay. Also, i find that although i can write about in an email and am fine about it, i keep on feeling weird about talking about having girlfriends although that is what i want. I dont understand why this is happening Also, im finding i do want to talk about people i fancy with the rest of the group who are actually fine with the other guy including the two girls. Why have i gone from not wanting to talk about it to wanting tto talk to everyone? Its not as though it i fancy anyone within the group or it has anything to do with anyone else. I just dont understand
Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2000
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Well, if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say you were probably starting to want to talk about your sexual identity more for several reasons: 1) it seems like you're in a very close-knit group of people right now, socially, and you're probably quite emotionally intimate with them 2) you've obviously been doing a lot of thinking about your sexuality, and it's confusing... talking feels good when you're confused, and gives you a way to bounce your ideas off of other people 3) it sounds like the people you hang around with these days are fairly accepting of GLBT people. It's easier to talk about these issues with people you trust to be accepting.
No, it doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with whether you're attracted to any of the folks you hang out with. Social attraction, trust, and emotional intimacy don't necessarily have a lot to do with romantic and sexual attractions.
As for how your friend "knew" you weren't straight? He didn't know, he guessed. No one can know (there's no neon sign on the back of your head, I promise), but sometimes people pick up on subtle clues -- even the absence of homophobic comments, sometimes, is enough to trigger someone's "gaydar." Sometimes people guess that someone is gay/bi and it turns out they're wrong. Sometimes it turns out they're right. I myself have guessed wrong more than once, but I've also guessed correctly quite a bit.
If you feel comfortable talking with your friends, I say talk to them, by all means. Homosexuality in Russia is, as far as I know, still illegal. But talking about it, as far as I know, is not. In fact, talking about why it's illegal and how you feel about that might be a good way to start a conversation about the topic.
It's not illegal anymore apparently but definately a good idea. Anyway, everyone knows but now the problem is that i got really drunk this weekend and started behaving weirdly and apparently violent- i dont remember quite a lot of the weekend- and since then i really do feel as though im going mad. Im so depressed and in church i think i started talking to myself- i dont feel quite myself and seem to be going through some identity crisis. I dont want to have any contact with anyone as i know ill just start going on about it and quite frankly its boring for both parties and i dont want to drink anymore alcohol as im so scared that it will worsen the situation. Im desperate- i want a hug from my brother but hes not here and i cant actually physically talk to my friend whose on the other side of the world. I cant go to docs but i dont go home until christmas. Im not exactly sure what to do.
------------------ Reality is an illusion created by lack of alcohol
Honey, it sounds like you're suffering from something a lot more serious than coming out. You sound depressed as hell, frankly.
I agree: alcohol is NOT going to help. In fact, quitting drinking altogether is probably your best bet, at least for the time being.
Think through the people you know: is there anyone you know where you are that you can talk to, someone who is preferably slightly removed from your immediate situation? A friend, minister, counselor, or a dean or teacher? Talking with people about these things is always good.
It's very hard to be so far from home and to be in a foreign culture and place, dealing with a foreign language all the time. It's taxing, it's difficult, and it's not at all uncommon for people in your situation to end up feeling very depressed. If you are there with or through a program or exchange service, they also may have some resources for someone you can talk to.
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