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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » First Love Fumble

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Author Topic: First Love Fumble
Zef
Neophyte
Member # 109891

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I am a girl who is seventeen, about to be eighteen, and have just experienced the lost of my first love. I never thought I would fall for woman, but now that I have, it makes this break up seem that much harder. During our time together, I found that I am pleasantly queer, and was willing to rebel against my traditional family upbringing to be with her, and therefore, became immersed with her a not only my lover, but my safety blanket, and best friend. But now, it's over, and we are no longer on significant speaking terms, and I'm afraid this will continue for the rest of our lives, especially because I am far from a person she wants to be around right now due to the lingering awkwardness of being newly separated. She never wants to pursue me again. It has now been a week and two days since my partner left me, and I am just wondering...

How do I get through this??

I am young, smart, and spunky, therefore I have tons to look forward to like my education and career, but I can't shake this feeling that, well, I've been given a death sentence. I don't mean that I've become suicidal over this loss, but I no longer have my lover/best friend to confide in, and am struggling with receding back into an introvert state of mind.

I tried,right away, to work through the pain, and focus on my career and school work, but I ended up uncontrollably sobbing by the 6th day and feeling like...like I was moving too fast?? But I'm tough. I'm tough, and I'm strong,and oh so logical...but I feel so abandoned and stupid right now.

I know I have friends, and my brother is my guardian angel, but I know, all the while, I'm hurting and thinking about my partner constantly, and envying their success in moving on so quickly, despite our two year relationship together. I feel childish, selfish, hurt, and lethargic.

I just want to know, if anyone out there is willing to share, have you been in love before?? Did you move on??
How did you do it??

Posts: 1 | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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Hi Zef, and welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry to hear about your recent breakup; it sounds like it's been really rough on you.
If you haven't seen it already, I think this article would be a good place to start: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking Does any of that resonate with you?

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ralphie41
Neophyte
Member # 109918

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Hi!
I feel that I can relate to your situation - you sound like a similar person to me in that you're tough and logical, and therefore having trouble with not being able to move on as fast as you think you should.
The thing that i found helped me in a similar circumstance was to allow myself to fall apart occasionally - it's okay! If you'd been with this person for a long time then their absence is always going to hurt- to quote John Green "It hurts because it matters".
I don't know if you relate, but i often felt like the only person i wanted to talk to about the break up was the person i had just broken up with, which can lead to missing them even more, but it sounds like you have a great support network to help you who you can confide in instead.
Most importantly, give yourself time! It sounds like you have loads of other great things to look forward to, and though it can seem like an eternity at the time, you will get over this.
[Smile]
good luck!

Posts: 16 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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