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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Navigating Poly Grey Areas

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Author Topic: Navigating Poly Grey Areas
Member # 108895

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My girlfriend and I are in a mostly exclusive relationship. We agreed on our boundaries for each other when we started dating: she is allowed to have protected sex outside our relationship, I am not. Since I'm personally monogamous but don't object to her having other sexual partners, this has worked out fine for us. A mutual friend of ours, who has had a sexual relationship with my girlfriend in the past, mentioned to her that she's interested in a threesome with us. I've harboured a minor crush on her for years, and I'm interested in this possibility, even though I'd still call myself monogamous.
While discussing this with my girlfriend, she seemed interested in the idea but expressed concern about managing the situation: that is, she knows that both of us sometimes have difficulty expressing sexual desires and she doesn't want the leadership role to fall to her because she doesn't think she'd enjoy it. We agreed that this concern is something we could potentially work out, and she encouraged to me meet up with our friend and discuss it. The thing is, she wants me to do the first conversation with her alone. I don't know how I feel about having this conversation without my girlfriend present because I'm worried I will misrepresent her views.
My girlfriend is every non-chalant about the situation, whereas I'm a little more nervous. Should I request that she attends for the sake of my comfort or just go for it and save the group conversation for after I've got a more solid idea of what I want from this?

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Executive Director & Founder
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Well, let's start here: what do you want to do? Not what does she want, but what do you want?

And if the only issue is a concern about misrepresenting your girlfriend's views, does simply not speaking for or about her in any way in this conversation take care of that concern for you or not?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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