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Author Topic: My boyfriend is bi
Unsure3
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Member # 108781

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Hi so the other day found out my boyfriend of bit of over two and half years is bi. I have nothing against and fully support this but I'm just soo confused he tells me he loves me so much but he doesn't necessarily what me in sexual way as much. He told me that he only like two guys and thinks their cute and that he doesn't have the same feelings as he does for me. I really want the relationship to keep working because I love him so much. I'm just so confused in my head about everything and scared because I don't want to lose him as a boyfriend. I just don't know how to talk to him about this all without hurting his feelings?? Can someone help me with what to do ?
Posts: 4 | From: Sydney | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think it's helpful to think about how you'd think about this were he heterosexual.

In other words, if he were straight, he could potentially -- and probably would be, since few people are only just attracted to one person -- have interest in other women, right? Be attracted to other women?

But being with you doesn't mean he's not. If you two are exclusive, what it means is that he's choosing to only be with you, one of the women he finds attractive and has interest in, likely because you're who he has the most overall interest in, and you're who he wants to make that agreement with.

Same deal goes here, truly. It's just that he can also be attracted to men, but he's choosing to be with you. We can even break up that framework a little more and say this person can feel attraction to people, but you are the person they choose to be with.

This doesn't suggest any more of a possibility of losing him than his being straight would.

Make sense?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Unsure3
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Okay yeah sort of helps. He reckons now that he doesn't know if we should stay together or not because he thinks that it would make the relationship not work as well. That even though he loves me feels like if contine relationship that be a waste on both our feelings and doesn't want to hurt me because that his feelings sometimes might not always be for me. Do you think he is right or just talk to him more about it?? I feel the relationship can work it just needs time ? Do you think that's right?
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Heather
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I'm not sure what he means here, so it's hard for me to say. I mean, many, if not most, of us who are bisexual have been or are in relationships, including long-term ones, including marriages, and certainly including exclusive ones. (In fact, as many bisexuals are monogamous by nature or choice as heterosexuals.)

So, why does he say that? And perhaps his thoughts on if this will work or not aren't even about his bisexuality?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Unsure3
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Okay then I guess will talk to him more about in person and see where he is coming from I guess. It's just so hard because I feel like the day before everything was fine and he told me he loved me and cared so much for me then next day it was like he was completely changed person didn't want to acknowledge me and like change of heart even though I know deep down he still is same person. But I think talking about it will help more.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It also might be that this is about more than bisexuality, from the sounds of things. Especially since it doesn't sound like this is a brand new discovery.

Too, it might also be that he wants to explore that interest per dating guys, or maybe is getting to that point, much in the same way someone who realizes their sphere of attraction is wider than they thought in any respect. Or not: again, sounds like you need a lot more talking and information here to really understand what the what is.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Unsure3
Neophyte
Member # 108781

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Hey I just had another question after one week ago telling me that he was bi my boyfriend won't talk to me and is ignoring in person and message what do you think this means? Is he upset with me or himself??
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Robin Lee
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Hi Unsure3,

There's no way we can know what your boyfriend is thinking or how he's feeling.

The only way for you to find out is to ask him.

So, if you want to know, that's what you'll need to do. [Smile]

I know it feels scary to ask, but there really is no other way to know.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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