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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » How to talk to my partner about an open relationship?

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Author Topic: How to talk to my partner about an open relationship?
artsygirl643
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Member # 51449

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for six year, and I am very happy with him. I feel like he is my other half and it's easy for both of us to imagine a fun future together. However, I have just recently come to terms with the fact that I am pansexual, and I have repressed this about myself for, well a very long time. He has been very understanding. Like when I told him I was afraid he would get mad at me for being attracted to women, he said "I'm attracted to women too, I know how it feels, so how could I possibly be mad at you?" I'm very, very grateful. Yet, part of me is beginning to fantasize more and more about being with women or other genderqueer people. Like, I've repressed such a big part of myself and now I have a desire to experience it, but I've always considered our relationship to be super monogamous and exclusive. I don't want to be in a committed relationship with other people at all, but I like the idea of casually being able to at least kiss someone else. When I've tried telling my boyfriend this, he admits that he feels a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but he said that at the same time he doesn't want me to resent him or feeling like I'm holding him back, and then the conversation just awkwardly stops. I'm thinking of just asking him for permission to have a bit of an open relationship, with as much flexibility and boundaries as he wants, but I'm so new to all of this. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to have and even begin this conversation?
Posts: 59 | From: california | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'd say that the way to start it is with a sentence as simple as something like, "I'd like to have a conversation about the possibility of opening our relationship up some. Is that something you'd be at all interested i talking about?"

If he says no, then that's really that, and you have your answer. If he says yes, then you two make the time to start talking and just start talking. You can start by saying all the things you've said right here. Sounds like the next thing you need to hear from him are his feelings, and what sounds like might be reservations on his part, particularly if he's not also interested in having it be open for him.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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